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AIBU

Or rather, am I being over-sensitive?

(53 Posts)
jellybeanjean Wed 25-Feb-15 23:55:59

A month or so ago, I had to see a medical practitioner regarding a very personal physical problem with which I've had for a few years now. This lady seemed very nice, very friendly; she'd been a midwife for years and seemed to understand the problems I had (basically, the after effects of big babies!) She examined me (the usual, on the side with knees drawn up, we've all been there, yes?) and then she half slapped/half patted me on the bottom before telling me to get dressed. It didn't hurt, but I felt stupid, exposed and completely humiliated. I've tried to put it out of my mind, but I'm due to see her again in a couple of weeks and am dreading it. Am I being over-sensitive?

Nelliemoser Sun 01-Mar-15 08:01:38

Falconbird the nurse may have commented on the lack of a bra because she felt you might feel more exposed than you would like to have been.
I think medical staff are supposed to keep you covered up to preserve as much of your dignity as possible even when your legs are up in the air and your bare bits exposed.

Falconbird Sun 01-Mar-15 08:21:31

I had to go bra less for the ecg and she did then cover me up with pieces of tissue paper. I decided not to wear a bra at all because it was less clothing to take off.

I think she just wanted to start a conversation of some sort because I was nervous.

She went on a lot about how she never wore a bra not even to work and I ended up reassuring her that this was fine if it made her feel more comfortable. smile

Gracesgran Sun 01-Mar-15 09:04:42

My lovely doctor who I had from early pregnancy with DD through DS and on through OH's depression and right up to his retirement - 20 years or so - used to talk about his recent trips to Scotland when he did internal exams. As these were fishing trips there were often moment when it was hard not to laughsmile

janerowena Sun 01-Mar-15 16:47:41

It does indeed sound like the farrier when he has finished with the horse. It's not sexual at all, it's just a 'well, I've done with you now'. It was thoughtless, I hope she doesn't do it to everyone.

I had an annoying woman when I had my mammogram. She twisted me round quite painfully, I couldn't stand like that because of my dodgy hip so told her quite forcefully that I couldn't do what she wanted unless she explained what she needed, rather than treat me like a bit of Play-Do.

Falconbird Sun 01-Mar-15 16:51:37

Good for you janerowena.

I had to have my teeth x rayed
I'm not very tall and had to stand on tiptoe but it still wasn't working. I heard the radiologist say to her companion, "these short necked people are difficult to x ray."

I've noticed my short neck ever since and never thought about it before.

Tegan Sun 01-Mar-15 17:39:19

.after several weeks of pain and bleeding my coil just dropped out anyway sad. When I was newly pregnant, the first time I went to the hospital I was given a dressing gown and told to take my clothes off. Which I did. When the doctor came into the room I took off the gown and I was wearing nothing [he was going to examine top and bottom bits, I'd assumed]. Everone was so embarrassed blush. If only the nurse had told me to 'strip down to bra and pants'. Then, when I went for a post pregnancy smear test at a clinic, the doctor who walked in was a member of a political group I was in; again, embarrassment [we decided on having a different doctor].

rosequartz Sun 01-Mar-15 17:53:10

I think I would have been a bit startled if it had happened to me.

I suppose it was the equivalent of 'There you go then' - an annoying expression but not as personal as a tap on the bottom.

I'm not sure what I would say, but perhaps something along the lines of 'hmm I haven't been tapped on my bottom since I was having my nappies changed'.
But she may not take the hint.

Deedaa Sun 01-Mar-15 18:51:50

Sadly, if I'd had a tap on the bottom from my rather lovely greek (male) doctor I'd have been thrilled. blush

Eloethan Sun 01-Mar-15 19:25:47

When I went into hospital to have my first, two weeks' overdue, baby induced, I was rather immature and absolutely terrified.

What made it even worse was the lack of sensitivity. In the early stages, before I was induced and "hooked up" to all the monitoring machine, I was either shaved or examined (I can't remember which). The nurse pulled the curtains roughly round the bed but left huge gaps. When the catering staff came in with the tea trolley I felt exposed and embarrassed, but when I tried to protest the nurse said "It's all right dear, we're all girls together".

It wasn't unkindly said or meant, but it made me feel silly and powerless and it was the start of an absolutely ghastly labour in which I was too scared to make any noise in case I was told off. (When the woman in the bed next to me was taken to the delivery room, I heard her being slapped when she screamed - admittedly she was very noisy but, still ...).

annsixty Sun 01-Mar-15 19:34:05

We do hope things have changed. I heard nurses discussing a woman in labour nearly 50 years ago calling her "a mardy bitch".

rosequartz Mon 02-Mar-15 09:49:41

The midwife taking relaxation classes I attended with my first DC told us that labour would be a bit 'uncomfortable'.
When I was in labour I wished she would have appeared - I would have given her a good slapping for telling lies!

mrsmopp Mon 02-Mar-15 11:01:58

It's the language they use! "Hop up onto the couch please, (hop???) and I will just have a "little peep" at you "down below".

If you are having an injection, you "might feel a little scratch."

The worst one was after an outpatient appointment, I had just been told I had cancer, and was reeling with shock, and the nurse said, "well, lovey, we've all got to go sometime, haven't we?"
And Ii'm still here, ten years later!

Falconbird Thu 05-Mar-15 09:27:22

Glad you're still here mrsmopp.

When I went to relaxation classes for my first baby, the midwife told us that sometimes mums burst the blood vessels in their eyes because of the effort of pushing. I thought - how awful - that would never happen to me.

Guess who had two really bloodshot eyes after giving birth?

Luckily it didn't happen with the next two labours.

Eloethan Thu 05-Mar-15 12:09:06

rosequartz I too remember the nurse at ante natal classes describing contractions as "discomfort" - and, more particularly, the look on my mum's face when I confidently announced this "fact" to her!

Having said that, a neighbour of mine described her experience of labour as "like the sort of griping pains you get if you've eaten too many apples"! She wasn't protecting my feelings - I'd already given birth. I just stared in amazement.

janerowena Thu 05-Mar-15 12:15:17

It was more like the worst sort of food poisoning ever at one point! No wonder women are often sick.

harrigran Thu 05-Mar-15 13:02:02

Falconbird that happened to me, I had never heard of anyone bursting blood vessels in their eyes before. When I asked a nurse why it happened she said it was because I wasn't pushing properly, how to make a new mum feel really good about herself hmm

Falconbird Sat 07-Mar-15 08:31:55

harrigan - we're kindred blood shot eyes women.

I actually frightened people who came to visit in the hospital because both my eyes were bright red. I especially frightened a friend who hadn't had children yet. shock

My mum told me that having a baby was like having a good s---! She was a very down to earth woman.

annodomini Sat 07-Mar-15 09:47:34

Right from the start, when my waters broke at 5am, I had powerful contractions and awful backache. It took another 11 hours, during which the midwives were lovely and sang pop songs! Next time round, it was an easy labour and the midwives were pretty much irrelevant!

Marmight Sat 07-Mar-15 10:40:14

I was told in no uncertain terms, to push with my eyes firmly shut or I would have burst blood vessels . I did and I didn't!

chloe1984 Sat 07-Mar-15 11:02:32

The very best time I ever had (NOT)was when having a smear test some years ago a rather brusque nurse in our local practise inserted the instrument thingy incorrectly causing me to bleed profusely and oh boy was it painful. She then proceeded to take the smear anyway. Then left me laying on the bed legs apart and threw a ST at me and said ' you'll be a bit sore for a couple of days' I was due to attend an important work meeting and had the choice of going home showering , changing etc and turning up late or going on to the meeting. I went onto the meeting and spent a very uncomfortable day working , feeling miserable etc. a couple of weeks after when the result came through as inconclusive I had to go back again for a retest which was done by a Doctor (think perhaps that particular nurse wasn't all that skilled at smear tests ) Did I complain , did I make a fuss no I didn't. Just got on with it somehow felt that it must be my fault , as I was at the time rather overweight and she mentioned that it was difficult to do tests on fatter women ( she wasn't exactly a size 8) if it happened now I would have no hesitation in raising the roof and would probably throw a trolley at her.

Stansgran Sat 07-Mar-15 11:10:24

DM didn't know what to say when I asked her what childbirth was like"a bad do on the toilet" was her blushing effort. MIL meanwhile unasked told me in graphic detail how she lost her third child,the blood ,the crushed skull. I still remember the place and time. In a cafe in Edinburgh near the Mothercare shop (40 years ago)

jhonmax Sat 07-Mar-15 13:20:09

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Anya Sat 07-Mar-15 14:10:53

I'll contact my water supplier I immediately jhonnax and alert them to the inadequacies of their product.

Galen Sat 07-Mar-15 15:08:14

I remember telling a patient in labour to 'push as if you're having your bowels open' the midwife helping said ' the doctor means push as if you're having a good shit!'blush

thatbags Sat 07-Mar-15 16:29:37

After DD1 I didn't have bloodshot eyes, I had a bloodshot face, neck and upoer chest. Nobody told me so it was a bit of a shock when I saw myself in a mirror.