AIBU to think this is very rude

Because I have a lot of people coming and going I get quite a lot of 'thank you' cards that I put on display for a while and often find guests and family members reading them. If people say something that's a bit OTT/embarrassing in a card then I put those cards up in my bedroom where they won't be read by all and sundry.

I had a look at DiL's cards recently. It's not something I've ever done before, and it did feel a little cheeky, but she wasn't there at the time so she'll never know

Eloethan: The nerve - I can hardly believe that your neighbour's adult daughter had the cheek to pick up your camera and look at the photos! That is a hundred times worse than looking at the messages in birthday cards that are on display.

Mine always wants to know who they are, and how do I know them. Sometimes I just look at her and say, I did have a life before I met you!

Yes it's obviously a reaction to the people, not the action. I wouldn't mind a bit if any of my children had a nose around my cards, but my MIL definitely would ( and does) and my teeth are immediately on edge. She will always make some negative comment.

Jane I love your voucher system it gave me such a laugh.

Thank you so much Tegan for your comments I think you have hit the nail on the head these particular relatives are over familiar in what they say and do in my home. I am always polite and welcoming to them but wonder each time what misdemeanour (in my eyes) they will do next.

I have to be honest that I do hold somewhat of a grudge against them from years ago when they were rude about my DS. If anyone says anything against my son or grandchildren my hackles rise and I feel very protective.

So that is why our cards to each other stay firmly in our bedroom now! Not that they have offers like that in them as frequently nowadays.

janerowena

Bellanonna they were not 'gifts' that any MiL would like to see her DS receiving.

Although the all-over body massages would probably have been ok.

Do you remember the old song ' Make Yourself At Home' ?
put your feet on the mantel shelf,
Go to the cupboard and help yourself! Etc.

if cards are on display in DD's house, then I look at them, and say "what nice cards" or something along those lines.Would not do that in any other house though, somehow it seems wrong, one of those things where there is no guidance socially,but feels a bit like reading letters not sent to you.

brendawymms - are we supposed to clean across the tops of doors? Well nobody told ME that.
Definitely very wrong to read someone's letter.
janerowena how nice to give your DBH some gift vouchers. ???

There does seem to be a problem with over familiarity with NanKates relatives; there's a very fine line between someone being comfortable in someone elses house [which is, obviously what most of us want when we have visitors] and being too comfortable...this is what has caused a lot of the problems within my family over the past few years.

meercat

I always read cards at my daughters houses and the house of my best friend and they do the same with me. I would probably only do it at others houses of people I know if I asked first. I would be very miffed if someone read any letters I happened to leave around when they visited but again would not mind if the people mentioned above read them. I guess it depends on who it is and how comfortable is your relationship with that person, different families have different rules/boundaries which should be respected.

Katy

DBH and I always keep our cards to each other upstairs, ever since MiL looked at my valentine's day card to him and found some handmade 'vouchers'. Maybe it depends on your family, but we were taught that they were private, like letters. She obviously doesn't think like that. She is very nosy, so now I am nosy back - and yes, I do look in her garage and rooms when we go to stay, because she is such a hoarder and I am the only one who keeps on at her to get rid of stuff she doesn't want or need. She doesn't resent it, she needs it, she just doesn't want help doing it, only needs motivation to do it slowly by herself, so I ask if she has found anything interesting or exciting lately, any family jewels etc. I know she is nosy because I once hid something from her - and she found it! Now I have no qualms where she is concerned.

She found a whole box of her father's paperwork that she had never opened since a few weeks after his death almost 40 years ago, last year. I can't live like that. Sadly, DBH is also a hoarder, I have watched his study become more and more cramped until he cam barely get to his desk. I refuse to let him spread further, he has a loft access in there so he must spread upwards. MiL will be most upset when he does, she loves rootling around in there!

Nankate I wouldn't be upset about the cards, but I would rather object to someone inspecting a garage or a room and commenting on the state of it. If your brother-in-law is that concerned, it might be nice if he offered to help clear it out.

I ate some chocolate that I found in my mother's bedside drawer when I was about 7. It taught me a lesson. It was Ex Lax.

Oh is the Desperate for Chocolate phase supposed to end with the teenage years? Ooops!

I think a bit of sibling mockery is fine. It's part of what makes families tick, at least as I've experienced the world. When I'd left for university, my younger brothers still always blamed me for scoffing my mother's chocolate when she asked who'd eaten it. I laughed when she told me. It was funny partly because of their cheek (the blighters!) but also because during my early teens I had even eaten the cooking chocolate when I was desperate. Did anyone else have a teenage Desperate for Chocolate stage?

Yes, I look at DD's cards and she looks at ours if she happens to be over at our house. I was visiting DS & daughter-out-law around the time of her birthday, I didn't look at the cards, probably because I don't know her friends. If I had any cards containing private messages I'd put them out of sight.

My in laws are nosy in the extreme, I once caught sis in law reading a letter she had found protruding between books on the shelf, she had to remove it from the envelope in order to do so. Now that's nosy. Not to mention disrespectful. I was not amused.

There seems to be a wider issue. That of the relationship between your DH and his brother.

On my side of the family, we are all more , look into things and ask and share.
On my husbands side, they are more, stand back, and ask, and politeness with each other.
It is just how it is.
No mocking though.

I do that with family ones.

I honestly think it's relatively harmless really.

I always look inside my children's cards, simply because I am a prying old sod interested in their lives. I wouldn't bother to look inside anyone else's. Would have no interest.