Gransnet forums

AIBU

AIBU to want a new home and an expensive holiday?

(64 Posts)
HomeOrAway Wed 12-Sep-18 18:06:48

DH and I are in our early 60s, and thankfully we are reasonably fit and well. Several months ago, we booked a really exciting holiday for early January (a week in Lapland, complete with log cabin, husky sledging, snowmobiling etc, not to mention the possibility of the northern lights - just the two of us). It’s already an expensive trip, so we have opted for the cheaper early January time rather than Christmas or New Year. We’ve paid a £300 deposit, which we will lose if we cancel before the end of September, but if we cancel after that we will lose a lot more.

Since making the booking, my mother has become ill, and we have decided to move to her part of the country in order to give her more support (and maybe even care for her in our new home if it comes to that). So we now have the cost of the move to take into account, and all the related expenses like decorating, furnishing and so on. Technically we can still just about afford the holiday, but something seems very wrong about forking out that much on top of the move, and I don’t want us to suffer in the future as a result. On the other hand, we are now at the age where I have to question how much longer we will be able to do such things easily, so from that point of view I want to go ahead with the trip now. It has been going round and round in my head and I can’t come to a decision.

I realise that we are in a privileged position to even have the option, but we have worked very hard for our money over the years and we don’t spend on much else at all.

Would you throw caution to the wind and go, or be sensible and stay at home in the new house? I would really appreciate other points of view on this.

Yellowmellow Fri 14-Sep-18 15:35:25

My dear mum's advice always used to be....go while you can...and want too. One of my friends is quite a bit older than me, and recently went on a long haul flight...which she says will be her last. She found the whole thing quite overwhelming.
Go and enjoy

Jaycee5 Fri 14-Sep-18 15:15:29

Take the holiday if you possibly can. I really regret not being well enough to travel and not doing as much as I would have like when I was younger and throwing too much of my time and energy into work.
It is a short time and you have been looking forward to it. It sounds as if you might have a difficult time ahead and you will face it more easily if you have had a break first.

Coconut Fri 14-Sep-18 15:04:03

Go Girl ! The future will take care of itself, you’ve the rest of your life to decorate ! None of us knows what’s round the next bend in life, illness, etc so live life to the full while you can. I went to Lapland with DD and GS and had the most amazing week, just fabulous.

mabon1 Fri 14-Sep-18 14:43:01

Just go. I was widowed youngish and glad we went on those expensive holidays to far flung places, America, Canada, numerous African countries, all over Europe, including Ireland, together. I still go away but it's not the same as with your partner, just enjoy the time you have together, one of you will die first, no good having regrets.

b1zzle Fri 14-Sep-18 14:18:39

Well done, HomeOrAway! It was obviously meant that you found a buyer and a house you like. Now go on that holiday in January and don't beat yourself up about it! Tell yourself you deserve it, because it's true! We none of us know what's round the corner and there's no point in spending the rest of your days (in your nice new house) wishing you'd had that lovely holiday! Go and enjoy while you can!

lemonade Thu 13-Sep-18 12:31:10

hello Homeandaway
If I may add my tuppence to the unanimous vote here? go on your holiday and enjoy every minute. It sounds like you will be looking after your mum in the near future and this opportunity may not come up for some time. Can you make some economies elsewhere?

JenniferEccles Thu 13-Sep-18 12:15:36

I think you have made the right decision. Holidays are the most wonderful things to spend our money on.

As regards moving to another part of the country to care for your mother, well that needs to be thought about very carefully. I wouldn't rush into that until I had considered all the alternatives.

Missfoodlove Thu 13-Sep-18 11:56:18

Go!
Once near your mother you can possibly claim an attendance allowance for your mother and a caters allowance for yourself.
It’s not a huge amount of money but it’s not means tested and can make a big difference!
After years of working and paying tax it’s only fair you should get what is due to you.

HomeOrAway Thu 13-Sep-18 11:10:38

Hello everybody! Thanks again for all of your replies. Last night I looked again at the holiday information and thought 'I have to do this!'. This morning DH and I read through all of your comments and he was also persuaded. As he said, if we don't go this time, we will want to go in the future, so we may as well keep our £300 and go while it is relatively easy. I really appreciate all of your thoughts, especially baubles, who so kindly took time out of her holiday in Venice to reply.

Willow500 Thu 13-Sep-18 06:30:24

I would also say go. Your move seems to be set for Oct which is 4 months from your travel date - you'll need the break when it comes to it and as everyone says who knows what the future holds. Once you start caring for your mum it will be difficult to get away again - will you have care in place for the time you'll be away? I hope you make the right decision for both of you whatever it may be.

kittylester Thu 13-Sep-18 06:21:39

I think you'd upset an awful lot of grans if you didn't go! grin

baubles Wed 12-Sep-18 23:40:52

I found myself in a similar situation regarding moving house and holiday. Quite early in the year we had planned a three week holiday in Italy for September, I’d booked flights to get there and train tickets to the places we wanted to visit, so although I’d yet to book accommodation a fair amount of money had been spent. A couple of months later we decided to move house and long story short our house sold very quickly meaning we had to rent for a few months. I felt so guilty about the money we were spending that I seriously considered ditching the holiday. That would have been such a waste of money though that in the end we decided to go ahead with it and so I’m writing this from wonderful Venice, halfway through our trip.

That was a very long winded way of saying that I think you’d regret giving up your holiday. As others have said just go and enjoy the experience, we can only live for the day.

HomeOrAway Wed 12-Sep-18 23:30:07

Wow! So good to get all these different voices, thank you. Still mulling it over; I want to show all these responses to DH and then come to a final decision. I will post what we decide, of course. NotAGran55 - it is in Finland but further north than Luosto. Same kind of thing though, I'm sure.

NotAGran55 Wed 12-Sep-18 22:44:40

If it’s with Canterbury Travel then definitely go ! We had an incredible week with them in Luosto .

cornergran Wed 12-Sep-18 22:27:59

If you and your husband are accepting of the overall cost (as you were when you booked the holiday) then go. The holiday won’t get cheaper and who knows what tomorrow brings with health. It sounds as if your Mum is fairly independent at the moment and your move is more about the future than her needs now, so go with a light heart while she can cope and you both are able. Regrets tend to be about what we didn’t do, rather than what we did. Enjoy smile.

Thebeeb Wed 12-Sep-18 21:42:47

Definitely GO GO GO.

Nannarose Wed 12-Sep-18 21:35:33

I think it depends on how much you'll be able to enjoy the holiday. If it was me, the stress of organising the move, the worry etc. would leave me less able to enjoy it. I would let the £300 go, but set the rest aside, and when all settled, book another holiday. This would also be a chance to ensure that mum can manage with carers going in, another relative coming to stay, or something similar.
Just another point of view!

DanniRae Wed 12-Sep-18 20:46:15

Definitely GO................smile

Iam64 Wed 12-Sep-18 20:41:57

Go, don't hesitate, just Go. The next ten years are probably going to be the period when you're young enough and fit enough to enjoy travel and special holidays.
Have a wonderful time.

Melanieeastanglia Wed 12-Sep-18 20:29:24

Only you and your husband know your true financial and health position.

If you think you can afford it, I agree with other people who say "Go" because no-one can see the future. Grasp life by the throat.

However, if you know in your heart of hearts going on an expensive holiday will make things hard for the future, you could perhaps compromise and go on a cheaper holiday which is still going to be very enjoyable.

Jalima1108 Wed 12-Sep-18 20:11:29

Will Father Christmas still be there, or having a well-deserved rest?

Eglantine21 Wed 12-Sep-18 20:10:38

But the huskies are! ???????

midgey Wed 12-Sep-18 20:05:32

Go.....but be aware the northern lights are not reliable!

JudyJudy12 Wed 12-Sep-18 19:48:22

You must go, nobody knows what the future holds. Fabulous to have something to look forward to

Scribbles Wed 12-Sep-18 19:42:51

Definitely, you should GO!! After the stress and hassle of moving, you will both need and deserve a holiday and yours sounds fabulous.