Table Manners (or lack of!)

DGS, DD, DGC, DH, DC, SIL etc.
What are these?

Don't get me started on how young people overthink rearing children nowadays!

I was in a restaurant yesterday and passed a very young child sitting in a high chair, with a dummy stuck in his mouth and headphones clamped on his head. I was horrified but my companion told me that her grand daughter has these as she needs something soothing otherwise she would be running about all over the place.
My comment that 'she wouldn't if she was with me' didn't go down well, neither did another person's comment that if her parents put down their phones and talked to her she might behave.

I'm not too worried about where knives, forks, or elbows go, but I can't stand noisy, open-mouthed eating.

I am a lot more concerned about the quality of conversation at a meal than I am about where elbows are. I do notice how people hold their knives, and whether they line up knife and fork neatly when they have finished eating. I notice how they use a soup spoon.

You never know what is in the mind of men
IIizzie2. Give you one guess! But nothing to do with the topic of this thread i.e. Table Manners.

I am not too worried about using fingers to eat. It is custom and practice in many parts of the world. Our cutlery and use is relatively recent! Having a celebratory Chinese New Year meal with DGC we were talking about eating implements and they were very clear aboutcwhen it was , was not ok to use fingers. Would not have passed every GNers expectations but were fine by me!

Someone on FB said they had been in a restaurant, not a fast food joint, and seen an adult male eat a meal with his fingers. They said it was the kind of food that required cutlery but he didn't seem to think so. Sadly, not many people were shocked by the lack of table manners.

Everything sounds fine apartfrom the noise. Don't like noisy eating or showing the food in your mouth. yuk!. But really some table manners are so out of date and don't matter at all.

Not automatically Lindyiloo. They just choose threads they think will get people onto Gransnet. I don’t bother coming onto Gransnet unless I see something that catches my interest on Twitter. On the whole it doesn’t get much attention on Twitter but it will be on Facebook too and that tends to get more comments.
I pointed this out last month but the thread disappears. I shall continue pointing it out to OP that if they start a thread they need to look to other social media sites for replies because they probably have no idea that it is shared elsewhere.

I am not on his side: my children would not have done that, but I cannot help but think that perhaps he was so intent on being sociable to everyone instead of being stiff and having no conversation? Perhaps when he has learned to relax in your company he will remember his manners. I think I would prefer him at the table than someone shy and awkward with his head buried in his plate all the time. He will follow your lead once the ice is well and truly broken. He may of course be testing you, wondering if you are critical or not. You never know what is in the mind of men.

Blencathra Do posts on Gransnet automatically go onto Facebook & Twitter? OMG - I thought that this was 'just between ourselves'! I'll be more circumspect in future!
Re: table-manners. My mum was very strict about them. And I passed that on to my children, but sadly they're not passing them on! My grandchildren aren't too bad, but when I see something that I would not have put up with, I have to bite my tongue.
My take on this is ... why not teach your children the correct way of behaving at the table? How much time and energy does it take to make sure that children know how to behave correctly? And it will serve them well in later life. They will be able to eat anywhere, and with anybody, knowing that their manners are impeccable. It just becomes a habit. (We still teach children not to pick their noses, or scratch their bums, in public! So why not table-manners?)
I can't bear knives and forks just scattered on a plate when the eating is done!
I can't bear a badly set table, with cutlery laid out all over the place!
You're doing it anyway - so just do it right!
My daughter - years ago - brought home a man who had a cheese sandwich. I couldn't believe the noise he made eating it! Slop, slop, slop. Mouth open, so you could see it all going round. I thought at first that it was a joke. But no, that's how he ate.
But no, Ngaoil, I wouldn't even mention this young man's bad manners to your daughter. I've found (having two daughters) that the more you criticise their choice, the more supportive of them they become. Trust her. She will have noticed his bad manners. And she will sort it.

I don't expect that Ngaoil realises that this thread is on Twitter and Facebook. No comments on Twitter but the 2 that have replied so far on Facebook think you are making a fuss about nothing.

I know how you feel Nagaiol .One of our DDs partners holds his knife and fork in such a strange way and it also looks very awkward when he tries to cut anything.He is from a large family where sitting at the table for meals didn't seem to happen regularly,and DD has had to accept sometimes he eats on the sofa watching TV spearing his food.Although now she insists if she has cooked they sit at the table.He's however a lovely,polite ,helpful and hard working lad.And never fails to say thank you for a meal at ours,and always jumps up to help clear the table.Brings us a gift when he comes to stay ,and offers to treat us to meals out.I used to be itching to correct him,but now let it go.He makes DD very happy.
Other DDs partner on the other hand holds cutlery properly,eats slowly and has better table manners. But unless DD prompts him, or we ask, rarely offers help.And despite getting lots of help with their DD,and countless meals I can barely recollect him turning up with anything,or treating us.
If I'm honest the lad with the worst table manners is my preferred house guest!

Gone girl
?

Ngaio1 First point - is he from a different culture? Not integrated in Britain? Because some cultures are showing enjoyment of the food and thus respect to the cook by eating loudly and enthusiastically. If so obviously appropriate polite and sensitive explanation about British ways has to be introduced.
If this is not the case, it reminds me of several very British
young adult men (early 20s) whom I recall being identical. I cannot eat while someone chews open-mouthed and smacks their mouth noisily as they chew. With one I mentioned to his father (divorced) with whom he lived and with whom I thought I had a good relationship, that his son might put girls off by eating thus. Father went ballistic at me. Reason for son's disgusting behaviour explained!
Another came to our Public School where my Husband was a House Master and was given us as a Junior House Tutor. Many Masters came to my husband to ask him to teach him table manners! This was to a member of the teaching staff, not one of the boys!

First point of action lies with your daughter who needs to explain to him basic table manners and tell him he either shows respect for others at the table or he cannot eat with them. If this does not work I would speak to him! If he still persisted doing it at the table, I hate it so much that I would probably say something there and then. Probably though, that would cause some kind of horrible row. But then at your home, at your table you should be able to eat with guests without them making you feel sick!

Ngaoil
He is probably a lovely guy apart frm this.she has her reasons for being with him.

sluttygran ouch, her insides!

Same boyfriend as mentioned above (he of the hairy fingers) was served prawns with the tail on. I heard this horrid crunching noise. He was eating the tail shell!

And my second husband once hit a woman on the next table with a snail as he was trying to grip it in the snail tongs! I was mortified!

Was funny though!

All sorts of restaurant 'faux pas' are now running through my head, including the time I came out of the ladies with my dress stuck in my tights and a very nice lady pointed it out to me!

Not bad manner incidents but there you go.

I have a dear relative who is the most appallingly noisy eater.
Last time she ate with us, I served corn on the cob, and she ate the whole thing, not just the corn kernels! It sounded so much like horse chewing, I just couldn’t believe it!

Following on from my earlier post, it brought to mind a very funny incident with my father. We 4 girls were sitting at the kitchen table eating one evening and chatting and laughing loudly. He was annoyed (not ladylike) so ran into the room and shouted 'Don't eat with your mouth full'.

How we kept the food in our mouths and didn't explode I will never know!

???

Elbows on the table oh gosh I think I'll have an attack of the vapours.
Seriously what century are we in?
Really is he a kind and gentle soul to your daughter because surely that matters far more than where he puts his elbows while eating.

Teacheranne I believe the idea of keeping elbows off the table originated in the days when most people couldn’t afford a good table. It was a piece of wood placed on uprights or a table cobbled together as best they could.

Neither were very stable. So if everyone put their elbows on the table and leaned on them the table might collapse.

It’s one of those types of ‘polite’ behaviour which has no justification these days, but people just continue to hold up as an example o ‘good’ manners.

Waving cutlery around is a pet hate of mine - I'm always telling the DGC to lay their cutlery on their plate if they are pausing in eating - a waving fork on a crowded table - ugh! Could have someone's eye out! Good table manners do seem to be declining unfortunately; some people are a diet in themselves when you are forced to watch the cement mixer effect with every large mouthful and then sprayed with whatever they are eating because of open mouthed chewing or deciding to talk.

I won't mention the boyfriend' s lack of table manners to your daughter, that will only hurt her, but I would draw the young man aside and ask him to keep his mouth shut while he is chewing his food, as seeing him eat with it open is putting you off your dinner!

He may be offended, but he might just take the hint.

If he waves his knife and fork about, ask him jokingly if he has ever considered taking up fencing?