I 'fussed too much'.

We had my DH's sister & her Canadian husband stay with us a few years ago- she moved there in in the 70's so was pretty much Canadian herself by then.
It was the worst 3 weeks I can remember!! They were rude, offhand & nothing we did was right.
I got told off for drying my washing on the line as ' it made the towels rough. Nothing I cooked (& I am a very good cook!) was up to her standard -although we knew from when my DH stayed with them that she never cooked herself but got takeaways.
DH took 2 weeks holiday & drove them all over the country to visit relatives. We took them to Twickenham to watch an England rugby match as they had said they loved rugby & they moaned all the way through that seats were uncomfortable (never bothered us & we go regularly!)
I could go on but in a nutshell EVERYTHING was wrong.
We paid for everything & they never once offered to pay except on way back from rugby when we stopped to get fish & chips & he offered to pay for theirs!
He did buy 4 cans of beer - when the taxi arrived to take them to the luxury London hotel where they were staying the night before embarking on a world cruise he remembered that he had one can left so dashed indoors to get it!
Not even a 'thank you for having us' or a postcard from ship or anything.
Now we don't do things for the thanks but common courtesy would have suggested just one little 'thankyou' would have been appreciated.
Needless to say we have never offered to put them up again.
We have had some US people stay with us as my DH worked over there for quite a while & they were always charming, polite & a joy to have stay- especially the Mormon man who sent is a lovely picture when he got home of all his children holding up a home made banner saying ' Thankyou for looking after our Dad!'
I do't know what happens to people at the border between US & Canada!

When our Canadian relatives turned up, admittedly years ago, the husband wanted corned beef and jam roly poly and custard. Hasten to add I did provide a few other choices.

Craftycat we were in Toronto a couple of years ago & took a taxi somewhere.
The driver struck up a conversation and in passing, remarked ‘Everyone thinks Canadians are nice people, but it’s not true. They’re all a*seholes!’

Witzend not read the whole thread so apologies if this point has been made already. But not only would I have been miffed to be told I ‘fussed’ (there’s a difference between ‘fussing’ and ‘going to too much trouble’) but I’d have been a bit cross if the thank you email had landed in MrA’s inbox rather than mine!!
All it needs is a verbal thank you. We had American visitors last week and as they were leaving, one of the young men turned to me and said ‘Thank you - you’ve been a wonderful hostess.’
He made my day ?

They are from across the pond. Their wording is different. All they meant was that you went to a lot of trouble. Trust me on this....I lived over there for 3 years.

Witzend. I agree with you! It's blooming rude! If they didn't expect a meal, they should have said "Oh how kind! We didn't expect you to go to the trouble of feeding us! I hope it hasn't been a nuisance." or words to that effect.

In your situation, being the kind-hearted and generous soul who worked hard for your OH's rude and ungrateful friends, you have the right to shout, stamp your feet, and loudly declare that they were extremely ignorant. Also when one has received hospitality at the home of another couple, it is etiquette to write to the lady of the house and thank her for her generous cordiality. You don't write just to the man of the house thanking him! Very bad form!! They are ill-bred!

Have a good rant then go out and treat yourself.

P.S. Can I come round to you some time please?

Janeainsworth There is something in that. Canadians have a high opinion of themselves compared to other nationalities. They are particularly keen of patting themselves on the back as non racist but that is simply untrue. I remember one day at school (admittedly a very long time ago) when a girl was talking about how non racist Canadians were and I pointed out that she had just been talking about the in Toronto (using an offensive word that they used for Italians). She was surprised to be questioned as in her mind she was stating an accepted fact and then she said 'but that's different'. I asked her why and someone else said 'they're not black'. This was a small town in suburban Canada and at that time, there were no black people there and I am sure that they had not met any. They had no Canadian Indians (which they still call themselves in that area) in the school and considered them inferior in an unspoken way.
I am sure that there are plenty that are nice but I was not sorry to get back to the UK. Both my sister and I came back as soon as we could.

How ungrateful?

Perhaps 'lost in translation' and means 'you went to too much trouble and there was no need' ...if followed by big thank you, etc, would be ok perhaps... but!

Some Canadians visited us, although one was a relative of DH we'd never met them and I must say that they were both lovely and very appreciative of the lunch we laid on for them.

Maybe they had dietary concerns which you weren't aware of but, if that's the case, they should have told you upfront. I would love to eat at your house and would finish off everything plus seconds!.

Don’t worry about it. It’s always better to take too much trouble rather than too little. Your husband and other guest enjoyed your culinary efforts anyway! As they say “there’s nowt so strange as folk!” Write it down to experience and carry on being the excellent hostess you clearly are. You can invite me round anytime especially if you’ve made a cake!

Don't be offended, I'm sure they wouldn't have put anything in a email which they thought would cause offence. I think what was meant is that you went to a lot of trouble which you shouldn't have done. I'm sure the fact that they didn't eat a lot was more down to their appetite than what you provided.

I wouldn't take it to heart Witzend....if they didn't eat a lot, it was likely due to jet lag. Think about it. If it was 4 am. (your time), you likely wouldn't be very hungry either.

They also sent a 'thank you'. Not the ideal choice of words, but the 'meta' message is what's important here. Fussing in this case meant going out of your way to please. So the writing was not perfect, but the fact your efforts were deliberately mentioned, makes it clear they were also much appreciated.

How very rude after you went to so much trouble! The wording was inappropriate and they certainly wouldn't be invited back to my house again.

If they thought you' fussed,' re the spread you put on, then I wonder their reaction to the holiday in Europe?
Hardly a time where on my return I did not need to go on a diet from the '' fussing'' I received during my visits to a relative n Europe.

for me, the discussion over semantics is slightly beside the point. They were mean, they were tight, they were bad guests and gave a poor impression of their nation.
On the bright side, apparently forthright and unhesitatingly brusque in their overview of their visit, so why not respond in kind? I'm sure they would appreciate being told that their self absorbed arrogance and penny pinching demeanour has caused you to research local hotels, so that they will have somewhere to stay next time they are in UK as your premises will be unavailable.

They very likely meant that you shouldn’t have gone to too much trouble. They were trying to be complementary.

I think the visitors should have written to the couple Tillybelle thanking them both, not either or. In our house it's my husband who does the cooking and offers hospitality to guests so I would expect him to be thanked.

We've just hosted a delightful couple from the US who were here to sing with the choir DH is part of. They were very complimentary about our hospitality (and I worried I hadn't done enough!) so the choice of words is very unfortunate.

We've had issues with family when hosting and I'd be tempted to be 'unavailable' and leave it all to your DH next time!!

I've had a pair of real gem house guests once, so just to put things in perspective Witzend, may I ask the following:

Did they dictate what they wanted for dinner before they left on some excursion? Did you have to pick up shoes, wrappers or leftover food every night before bedtime? Did they keep the guest room reasonably tidy or did you cringe at the mess when you passed by the open door? After they left, did you find 'whiskers', toothpaste and boogers all over their bathroom sink and/or tub? Did you find wet towels on top of the bed? If you answered no to any of the above, then consider yourself lucky!

PS. I never even got a thank you.

willa
I trust they will never be invited back!

I will PM my address and any left overs will be gratefully received, everything sounded delicious!

I have had guests stay from the US and they have all been polite and grateful and I am still in touch with some, years on. I do find it odd that they are happ to help themselves to stuff from the fridge etc but got used to it and was pleased they felt comfortable enough to do so. Another not so pleasant memory was of "friends" from europe who only ate the meat from any meal cooked, ate lots of cake and at breakfast went through a whole half pound of butter (everday ) slicing thickly to go on their bread, my children just sat opened mouthed. They would chat between them in their own language and the father would constantly ask for coffee. I had a filter pot of coffee on all the time and said he was welcome to help himself but he said that it was not right and so would just pass me his cup. They thrust their visit on us "we are in UK and would like to visit" and turned up with 2 kids and a grandparent. We had no idea how long they intended to stay! 5 days we put up with it and after they left we stopped contact as did not want to go through that again. I would love someone to bake and cook for me sounds lovely, I appreciate not having to prepare meals . Put it down to cultural/language differences

Honestly, I would just have a good laugh about it, it’s simply not worth worrying about!

I think it was very rude of them. We seldom “entertain” at home these days, other than family and one close widowed friend. When my husband was a Naval officer, it was expected of us to host formal dinners. Looking back, I cannot believe the hard work I put in and all the inane conversation that went on. Now that we are in early retirement, we serve Champagne and hors d’oeuvres at our home and take our guests out for a meal!