Thanks everyone.. DD is grateful for everything & will be back tonight to help clear up!
I do lots of things : 2 art groups, choir, volunteer in a charity shop, read at school, joined the WI & have even ventured on a Solo holiday & visit DD2 in Sydney each year. I am very lucky I can do this . I'd love a dog but not fair when Im away so often. What I miss so much is somebody close to do nothing with. As some of you know, until recently I lived 400 miles from the DDs for years, so like others didn't see much of the family so made the decision to downsize nearer to 2 of them. I'd much prefer to have stayed put in the house and village I loved (with my DH) but life changes. I find coping with constant details of people's fantastic holidays, exciting meals, days out or just pottering in the garden 'a deux', very difficult because for me, and others, those days are past and will never return. I am just very envious/jealous. Seeing couples out together, maybe holding hands, doing simple every day things like pushing the trolley round Tesco, just breaks my heart because it will never happen for me again. I want to say to them, 'treasure every moment with each other for who knows, one day you too may wake up & find your husband/wife dead on the floor'.
I'm just an old misery atm. I've been clearing my late Aunt's house and I think it has stirred up a load of hidden emotions.
On the upside! I'm taking the 2xUK DDs & families to France for a holibob next week and then staying with friends for a few days then planning my next trip to Oz. I've had a blessed life & know & appreciate I am so lucky I am able to do this but no amount of money makes up for the loneliness which descends every so often. I'll stop now. I've run out of tissues ?