Touching other people's babies

Good to hear Sara

Oh times have changed definitely, young mums of today worry about germs and people’s intentions, something that never crossed our minds with our babies.

It's not so much about germs & illness but so much more about teaching children that it is important to gain consent before touching someone else.

If you - as a baby - are used to people just touching you then how as a child would you begin to understand that it is not OK for adults to touch children whenever they want.

It's all about demonstrating boundaries & giving children the understanding & power to say 'no'.

Lucca, it's kissing their mouth that you shouldn't do, even their cheek could be risky if you've ever had a cold sore. Maybe the top of the head is ok.

I wouldn't touch someone's baby if it was under 3 months when their immune system has developed. As for the cheek stroking, maybe the mother can see that it bothers her baby? Otherwise I might make contact with their hand if the baby is reaching out to me. Usually babies seem to prefer you to keep a bit of distance unless they know you well.

Well, here's something to think about: in the Netherlands, little ones are not kept home from nursery when they go down with colds and minor ailments because the other children have already been in contact with them. They also do not sterilise baby bottles just a boil up once a week. The Dutch are the 5th happiest nation in the world and certainly a strong and healthy one. So are we being too fussy with our every day bacteria elimination?

When walking around the supermarket I usually find babies and small children sitting in the shopping trolley smile and wave at me all the time! I usually smile and wave back, only once have I touched a child's hand (when I thought I had knocked it with my trolley), no objection from the parent. I don't think the OP is suggesting we all rush up to strange babies and plant wet sloppy kisses on them or hug them.

Slightly off topic but it's the same with touching other peoples dogs ??

I am with Bluebelle on this, babies are always trying to catch my eye and smile at me, they are learning to be sociable. So I smile back and talk to them and mum and often when their hand reaches out I take it. So far no objections. On a point if I saved a child from wandering off and the mother just snatched her back in a rude manner she certainly would have known from me about her mothering skills.

It’s a difficult topic - especially when we are told only 33% wash their hands after going to the loo. Whilst building up resistance to infection is to be encouraged who knows what people (however close to us) carry on their hands

March - do babies feel 'scared, uncomfortable and nervous' around strangers? I doubt it - that's learned behaviour, surely. They pick that up later, from those who tell them that's how to be.

BlueBelle is spot on.
That`s what we humans do it`s also how children learn to be close to people and make friends.

I'm not bragging but, I've never had a cold sore.......

It seems the older we get, we learn more that we can't do right for doing wrong. I, too, get a happy buzz from interacting with toddlers when I'm out.

Paperbackwriter I think it is a natural instinct that kicks in after a baby has sorted out who its main carers, family, or tribe are. Up to a certain age a baby is flexible so that unlike birds hatching, it doesn't attach to the first thing it sees after it's born, otherwise midwives would have a load of kids clinging to them forever From what I have read, caution<->novelty-seeking is one of the very few trait continuums a human is born with already wired in their brains. So a baby comes already with a preference for how new things are introduced.

carzyH do you ever get mouth ulcers? Apparently the herpes virus sometimes expresses itself inside the mouth rather than on the lips. Another place is sore bits at the edge of the fingernails, which can be the way the virus expresses itself in some people.

I didn’t like people touching my babies, concerned they were caring cold etc. If someone asks it’s up to you.

Parents are responsible for their children and raise them the way they see fit. It's not really up to others to decide how they should do it. Consent is an important topic now so yes a lot of parents are teaching that early. I never forced my children to hug relatives etc. Id be uncomfortable if someone held my hand or stroked my face so why would I let them do it to my child? I don't let my neighbours touch my face or hold my hand. If a mother doesn't say thank you and looks startled when you grab a wandering toddler, it's probably shock, they are horrified their child was in danger, and they don't know you, you could have been the danger. Why do people feel so entitled to touch other people's children? It's rude x

I didn’t like strangers touching my baby who is now 46 !!! My fear was germs and infection. Herpes etc

My child was born early, with IUGR. He was tiny and skeletal. My doctor had told me not to let lots of people touch him until he passed his original due date, but sometimes one just has to go out and get groceries.

I could not take him anywhere without some middle-aged or elderly lady getting right up into his face and trying to touch his face and hands. I don't think it stopped until he was around 3, and big enough to tell them No himself. I had to wear him in a sling for awhile just to keep people away.

It's fine to do whatever touch the mum is comfortable with, but ask first. Don't ever assume that you know what is safe or good for a child you don't know.

If you really can't help yourself, touch their feet. Not their hands. Those cute little hands really do go straight into the mouth, and a small baby has not had all their vaccinations yet. Once they're past 12 months they're a lot safer.

Yes babies are cute and innocent and some very sociable. But there is so much in the news these days about paedeophiles that parents can be very suspicious of strangers touching their baby, and as they grow up toddlers have to be taught stranger danger.

I think it is wrong to allow strangers to touch a baby as not everyone washes their hands after using the toilet.

March
I had a similar experience and recall on one occasion. when out with my first born, who at the time was only three months old, meeting a friends husband. To my horror he put a coin in my child's hand who fortunately slept through it.I made an excuse,rushed off home where I made sure to thoroughly clean her hands.

Paper, I think they do from about 6 months. Some babies might not mind, some do. All babies are different.

I have had people put coins in my babies hands, good luck apparently, I don’t ever remember being bothered, but I can see in a slightly older baby, it would go straight in the mouth.

It just all seems a bit petty when you consider the amount of germs they come into contact once they are mobile, especially when they have older siblings.