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Second child off to Australia

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jeremypaulwagg Fri 24-Apr-20 15:27:49

Our daughter went to Australia 10 years ago and is now married there with a daughter aged 2. The only thing that has made this bearable is the expectation that we would be able to have a closer relationship with our son's family when he married (he is 28). After saying he would never move away, our son has just told us that he is proposing to move to Australia to be with a girl he met on holiday. We are immensely saddened and yes, hurt. If he moves over there, we will be rational enough to go and visit both families, but in the meantime, she is planning to come over in July and he wants to bring her (he lives in Amsterdam) to visit us. We know what the rational response would be, but we both feel that we could not be pleasant to this girl, and my wife would constantly break down in tears were this visit to take place, whilst I can't see it in myself to be anything more than sad and angry by what he is doing to my wife. I know what the coping mechanisms are, but would somebody just sympathise with our predicament?

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Callistemon Fri 24-Apr-20 20:44:22

what an awful situation
Gemini7892

Out of all my friends , I know about half who have family who emigrated to Australia or New Zealand. Others went to America, Canada, South America and many other countries.

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oscaro11 Sat 25-Apr-20 11:32:03

If he met her on holiday it may be that he wants to give Australia a go to see if he likes it and if the relationship works out. It may not do. Don’t blame or alienate this girl, at his age he is making his own decision. He has also lived and worked abroad for many years anyway. If both your children settle in Australia then if you have good relationships with them all you may consider moving there yourselves. I understand totally how you feel as one of my adult children lives in Australia. FaceTime is excellent and you can visit them.

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Juliet27 Sat 25-Apr-20 11:47:52

Relocating to Australia for parents isn’t quite as easy as it sounds. We applied for a contributory parent visa, (which would give permanent residence and would cost us over £50k) in August 2016 and 2016 applications are only just beginning to be processed. There are cheaper ways which are less costly but they all take time and some only allow a maximum of ten years there. Emigrating to Australia needs a lot of research as Jeremy’s daughter who lives there would be able to advise.

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Grammaretto Sat 25-Apr-20 11:58:33

I appreciate it isn't a perfect situation for you or your wife but we none of us knows what the future holds.
I think a lot of people, on here, harbour unrealistic dreams of what they expect for themselves and their DC as they get older, retire and become DGP .

Like Callistemon we are not alone. Our NZ son took part in a school reunion at New Year time out there!

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Newatthis Sat 25-Apr-20 17:48:00

It's awful when your child chooses to live the other side of the world. I know and can sympathise with you. However, I cannot understand why you might be blaming his girlfriend. Surely they both made this decision. Yes your wife will be sad but with SKYPE and Facetime etc you will still be able to have a relationship with him even though it is not the one you chose. But you will need to change your attitude or you might loose him altogether.

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