AIBU to worry about my DDs weight?

When people who are overweight see themselves in photos etc and then turn the tables on their spouses saying “Why didn’t you tell me I’m overweight or that I’ve put on that much weight always amuses me, I’m overweight myself, but I’d never make that statement to anyone, having years of continuing steriods for rest of my life is very hard BUT I do know that eating less and moving does help to lose weight, even though I cannot physically do certain exercises due to illness, I would be kidding myself by making excuses that so many people do, being in lockdown is making it harder though

Can you both perhaps undertake to join a slimming on line group.also maybe a low level form of exercise club again on line. You could take the lead by suggesting you are thinking about it but woujd like some support, would DD join up too. I'm not a fan of slimming clubs but one may just be the catalyst to get your DD interested in what she is eating and her life in general.

Pots and Kettles

My stepdaughter is obese and has poor health as a result. My DH has tried everything - saying something, saying nothing, losing weight himself as an ‘example’, offering healthy food if she comes here. Nothing has had any effect except to sour their relationship for a while. On my experience it’s best to say and do nothing.

If I never had to shop for or prepare or cook and serve meals I would be able to control my weight..my dream is to escape sodding lockdown and stay out of the kitchen..stick thin husband son etc all want substantial meals...

It is so difficult, isn't it? I have struggled with my weight most of my adult life, not helped by a couple of medical conditions, so I sympathise with both of you. I have been reading Why We Like To Eat (Too Much) by Dr. Andrew Jenkinson, a bariatric surgeon. Through his patients he has come to realise that a lot of dietary advice is simply wrong and has done a lot of research on the subject. He says that it really is not as simple as "eat less, move more" and that the advice to cut down drastically on fat is wrong as low fat products mean that we eat more sugar, the real enemy, as a by-product. He says that in the late sixties, when doctors and scientists were researching how to reduce the shockingly high rates of heart attacks, a SUGAR COMPANY funded the money to "prove" that fat was the culprit and suppressed any research into the I'll effects of sugar. He says that the way to reduce weight is to reduce the natural weight set point we all have by getting back to cooking real foods with no snacking. Slowly and surely, so that the weight stays off and does not return.

For myself, having been encouraged by a friend's dramatic weight loss, I have been intermittent fasting 16/8 since early November. This means you can eat between midday and 8pm, although it is flexible, according to your daily routines. I do not possess bathroom scales, l go by my clothes and the weight loss is noticeable. I have reduced a dress size. I hope this is not too long-winded, but l was trying to give the OP a different take on things to help herself and her daughter.

I struggle to understand why being in lockdown makes it
harder to loose weight/exercise, surely we all have less exterior distractions. Tin hat on.

halfpint1

I struggle to understand why being in lockdown makes it
harder to loose weight/exercise, surely we all have less exterior distractions. Tin hat on.

I agree to an extent. I have lost weight and get more exercise and I'm fitter than ever, especially as I no longer spend hours commuting in my car.
However, I live alone and so I'm in control. For some just being in the same space all winter even with loved ones has been really tough so I don't judge.

Umm, a lack of sympathy in some posts. I have watched my DD gain weight - a lot - over lockdown, endless work on zoom, such a lot of stress, nibbling as distraction and comfort. I fear for her health (plenty of familial reasons) but dare not distress her. She would react very badly.

100% agree with keeping quiet.

My husband left me when our girls were 3 and 5 years old. I went into comfort eating mode and piled on the pounds.

My Mum noticed and wouldn't stop going on about it. This made me miserable. Everything she said made sense, but it hurt so much. I didn't want to fall out with her, so took it on the chin, but I tried to avoid seeing her for a long time, just kept contact by phone.

I'm glad you've decided not to say anything. She'll lose the weight when she's ready - I did.

My mum used to tell me when I put on weight.I was a size 14,she was size 22!
She’d also criticise me if I had spots when I was younger.I never got any praise, except before she died she said she felt safe when I was around.
Your daughter is happy, her family is happy,why wish for more?
Non of us are,perfect, we all have a crutch.She’s not alcoholic, an illegal drug user abuser of children, she just eats a bit too much.There’s much worse crutches.

@Musicgirl
You are SO right about all the myths that are peddled about weight loss!
BGB31 I'm so glad you have decided against saying anything to your daughter. It wouldn't have helped at all.
I have bucked the trend and lost a great deal of weight since the summer. I'm beginning to understand how my own relationship with food went so wrong over the years, but I can tell you that if anyone had tried to "have a word" with me about losing weight, I would have just died inside.

As others have said you can lead by example but even that is not guaranteed to work. Mentioning directly never helps either, and will reduce herself esteem still further.
My ex husband and I have both always been quite slim and took reasonably regular exercise as part of our routine when children were growing, usually walking. We have 3 grown up children who all have put on weight since they left home, they eat junk and drink fizzy drinks, and I often wonder if the lack of junk food when they were growing up has led to binges as we never stepped foot inside a McDonald's when they were children. Deep down they still know it's not healthy.... I think the link between Covid and obsity is triggering my eldest to do something about her health. She took up a sport before lockdown and went on a restricted calorie diet and is slowly losing weight during lockdown.

In my life I have been fat, very fat, very very fat, not so fat, and almost not fat. I have had alot of people over the years telling me (kindly and not so kindly) that I need to address the issue of my weight. None of it helped, it never does, we know we are fat believe me. The only person that can do something for a fat person is the person themselves. Your daughter will one day want to deal with her weight and then you can encourage her and help her whenever you can. Until then just love her.

I once made the mistake of commenting on my daughters weight gain. I will never do so again. Our relationship, which has always been incredibly close, became strained for many months. Luckily, we are now back to our former closeness.
Like the original poster, I worry about her weight gain, and the effect this may have on her health. I have commented to her about her brothers excess weight, so she knows that I worry about both of them, but I just have to hope that she decides to diet for her own sake when she is ready. As another poster said, during a pandemic, with all the stresses that that brings, is probably not the right time.

I became borderline anorexic due to the pressure from well meaning friends and family who kept badgering me about needing to lose weight. When I was thin everyone kept telling me how well I looked when I was probably they unhealthiest I've ever been.

Our daughter told us (after she lost the weight) that she had never been so miserable and unhappy as when she was that size. I would have hated to add to her misery by pointing it out or making 'helpful' suggestions.