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AIBU or are they?

(33 Posts)
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Luckygirl Wed 07-Jul-21 22:07:47

"I am sure my son will ask if he wishes me to help."

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Bashful Wed 07-Jul-21 22:05:36

Thanks Bluebell. I think people are missing my question though. There is no too-ing and fro-ing of info. I was in no uncertain terms told by my son’s DP’s parents that I should be getting involved! AIBU for NOT getting involved is what I’m asking. ?

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BlueBelle Wed 07-Jul-21 22:04:00

Sorry your post arrived after I sent mine So are the parents in law physically coming to you and telling you what needs
doing ? If so just say of course you ll do what is wanted in the way of help when and if your son asks

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Bashful Wed 07-Jul-21 21:59:20

Sorry typo. “ I should have said my son’s DP’s parents....”

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BlueBelle Wed 07-Jul-21 21:59:17

I totally agree granmabatty there seems a lot of toing and froing of information how are you hearing about all these demands ?
Stay away, if they lived in another area, or another country you wouldn’t have a clue what was going on Totally up to your son to sort his partner and partners parents out, not for you to be concerned about at all

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Bashful Wed 07-Jul-21 21:58:17

No he’s not complaining to me. He rarely does this if ever. He’s pretty independent and his own man. I always leave him to fight his own battles. You are right it’s none of my business. However, it was my DP’s parents who involved me by asking me to make sure I did so and so for my son and partner when my view is always not to get involved as it’s the young couple’s business not mine. I deliberately don’t get involved as I always had a very interfering MIL in the past. I deliberately haven’t commented. I just wanted to know if I was being unreasonable for ignoring their requests or they were being unreasonable for getting too involved in the young couples business.

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Grandmabatty Wed 07-Jul-21 21:46:03

How are you finding these things out? Is your son complaining about them to you? He's a grown man and can fight his own battles. Don't get involved in family politics as it could backfire on you. You don't know for certain what their financial arrangements are and nor should you. If he complains about them wanting you to do things then tell him you don't want to hear. Practise "Oh dear, that must be difficult. What are you going to do?" And repeat.

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Bashful Wed 07-Jul-21 21:30:20

Have to be careful what I say here as it could be outing.
My grown up son has rented his house for around 4yrs. His DP came to live with him about 3yrs ago and as far as I know didn’t contribute anything to the rent or household expenses. That’s the impression I got as my son said that it doesn’t cost him any more to let his DP live there.
I tend to be of the mind - never interfere in adult children’s lives and leave them to get on with things the way they see fit. However, I will give advice - but only if asked.
His DP’s parents - they have taken over quite a bit, insisting on doing things that need doing in his house. Granted, his DP asked them to. When they said they would do it, my son said that ...No, he would do it when he felt ready and had the time. They then insisted and basically took over. My son seems to be letting them walk all over him and I have said nothing because I feel as an adult, he needs to sort it out himself. It’s his business and not mine.
However, they have suggested that I could help by doing what his DP suggested. I already offered help to my son ages ago concerning the same thing but he said no he would do it.
I feel a bit insulted and feel they are taking over how my son should run his life.
AIBU or are they?

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