Am I right to feel really embarrassed and scared? advice needed

I'm just so pleased to hear you've moved on from a divorce to meeting a new partner. No need to be embarrassed about your concerns this forum will have loads of advice and experiences on all sorts of things. Hopefully you'll feel more confident on the way forward.

Bluebelle, my point is that although what I had is usually an STI, the condition of my vaginal health following antibiotic and thrush treatment led to ideal conditions to get what I had and it wasn't sexually transmitted. If I had had any doubt that the Clinic were misinforming me, I wouldn't have been with my OH for the last 24 years!
Elegran, my GP was a woman nearing retirement age and she was completely unrepentant when I went back to inform her. I did learn a valuable lesson though as I learned to ask rather than accuse.

Claudiaclaws, I can't swear upon it but I believe it was Trichomoniasis which is usually an STI but can also be picked up in warm, moist environments and as I understand it makes you more vulnerable after prolonged use of Antibiotics and Thrush Treatment. My problems stemmed from being intolerant to latex, spermicidals, sanitary protection, soap, creams etc in that area. I had also shown signs of persistent non-specific UTI's so the GP was treating accordingly. It was only when I went to the STI clinic that they were able to diagnose properly. I went from suffering for months at a time to rarely having a problem as long as I am careful.

Hi OP, I feel for you finding yourself in such a situation. One thing did pop out at me though and apologies if I'm reading too much into things and going in a totally different direction but I don't get why you don't speak to your new partner for a few days, are you ok with this?

Or like my generation, before the pill, never knew carefree sex as a teenager.
Not that I'm trying to find out now mind !

The pharmacies and the supermarket "Health and beauty" aisles are full of condoms. Over-50s are as able as anyone else to buy condoms without frequenting the clinics. It is no more embarrassing than buying a crate of wine and a couple of bottles of gin a week, which doesn't seem to bother anyone.

In fact, if they braved the checkouts and the teenage pharmacy girls, they might not get the STIs at all. Is it more perhaps they they feel they are past the age for a surprise pregnancy, and they remember their youth, before AIDS became a hazard of carefree sex?

Anyone tried getting condoms from the local clinics these days (the way one used to be able to)? The rise in STIs in over 50s is no surprise to me given the difficulty in a)finding a local clinic anymore that is b)open at a time one can visit and is c) accessible. Oh, and doesn't make you feel embarrassed....insisting on booked appointments and all the usual checks they need to give young women on the pill !

Thank you so much! You've all helped me feel much better about my situation and like some of you said, the best thing for me to do is just get on with it (in terms of talking to my partner) and I think I needed that. I was feeling very sorry for myself and it's not like me - so thanks! I just wanted to say that the doctor did tell me which STI it is - sorry for all who thought I didn't know - somehow I felt the name just made it sound worse.

Thrush can be transmitted to a partner, and go back and forth unless both partners take a suitable oral anti-thrush medication as well as a topical treatment. Perhaps icy's GP was referring to the thrush which followed the long course of antibiotics as an STD. He seems a prat to have caused such marital mayhem with his pronouncements!

Sorry but I don't see how long course of anti biotics can cause a sti !

As a retired nurse who worked in an STD clinic please let me reassure that you are guaranteed complete confidentiality. We would ask of details of previous partners and if possible contact them. This would be done by phone or letter. The letter gives no details of yourself and the phone number is ex-directory so cannot be traced and only accessible by the person it has been given to. I can understand your shock but really it's no big deal. Many of us have been there. I wish you well in you're new relationship.

I read what icy posted as, " a long course of antibiotics followed by an anti-thrush treatment", that is, the long course of antibiotics caused the thrush, which was then treated by anti-thrush treatment, and the whole performance then caused the condition she was talking about.

Icanhandthemback,Please can you tell us the name of the condition which is caused by taking antibiotics for thrush?
Thanks

This subject has just been a story line on the BBC series 'Doctors' . You may want to watch it as it was handled very sensitively.

Ps I doubt it's from your ex. My understanding is that herpes is the only one which lays dormant .... And then suddenly makes itself known

Don't be embarrassed; you're not the first and won't be the last and my understanding is that STIs are on the increase with the older generation.

I find it worrying that you feel uncomfortable about discussing this with your new partner. It may be him or may not but if you feel so awkward broaching the subject ..... then maybe (just maybe) he's not the man for you. Either way, I hope by now you've ring your Gp to find out which infection you have.

Take the antibiotics and I'm sure it will clear up very soon. Good luck!

Great you have raised this subject as from some of the replies I feel people are not aware of the risk of having unprotected sex after the menopause. The greatest increase in sexually transmitted disease is in the 50+. As the OP said she is talking to her children about the risk but didn't think it applied to her.

As others have said first check with your doctor what you have and who you need to inform. If you need to inform other sexual partners you will need to inform your new partner. If he is found to have it you could have given it to him so you have to inform other sexual partners. You may not want to tell your ex but not fair to let him pass it on being unaware. Your new partner if being responsible will also have to let past partners know.

Another post has said that TheSTI clinic will inform a patients sexual partners or give you cards you can give them.

But first clarify what you have and what you need to do. But no need to discuss who you are informing or discuss past partners with anyone or who tests positive or negative. Unfortunately this is something that happens and has been happening since sex began! Again well done for making us aware of the risk.

First of all don't worry too much most sti s are treatable fairly easily nowadays but as others have said you need more info. I too find it very strange the doctor told you that you had an sti but offered you no advice or medication they don't disappear by themselves How did the doc decide you had an sti did you have to give samples or have an examination did you go with symptoms ? it all sounds very vague Make an appointment to find what you have ...the chances are its the new partner if you haven't been active with the ex ...some sti s can be inactive but most show symptoms fairly soon
Don't be too embarrassed it happens and many of us have been in your situation

lou866 Don't be embarrassed. The fastest growing group presenting at GUM clinics is middle aged people. This is partly because the stigma of marriage break up has gone and partly because this group no longer worries about pregnancy as a consequence of unprotected sex. They also look at the overall appearance of a potential partner and tell themselves the couldn't possibly have a STI. There's also a reluctance to talk about such things. Let's get this taboo subject out into the open. Use condoms. Don't be embarrassed to ask if he's got a condom at the ready. If he hasn't, produce your own and make sure it's used and used for the entire time! It's for his protection as well as yours.

Sorry, posted too soon. What I was going to say was, unless you know what STI it is, you won't be able to give your partner or ex the information they need for treatment so first port of call is to ring the surgery and ask. Then you can research what it is you need to tell anybody. These things happen and if you can't speak to someone you are sexually active with, maybe you should be more comfortable with them before you do anything else with them. That sounds really judgemental but it isn't meant to be, I just think that communication between two people is paramount to make a relationship work.

I was once nearly divorced because my GP told me I had an STI which had to have come from somewhere and if it wasn't because I'd had sex with anyone but my partner, it must have come from him. I was devastated as you can imagine. My DH was upset because he hadn't been with anyone else and couldn't understand how I could believe a GP over him. Eventually I rang the appropriate clinic and my treatment was transferred to them. Apparently, a long course of antibiotics followed by an anti-thrush treatment can cause the condition which you then can transmit to partners so it is called and STI.

Hi Lou. I was in this situation a few years ago and totally understand why you failed to hear what the doctor said. I remember being asked if I knew the names of all the sexual partners I'd had within the previous week ! I was horrified, there had only been my (ex) husband. Apparently this is becoming increasingly common in post menopausal women as we are not worried about pregnancy. As other people have advised, please contact your GP for more details. Good luck x

The first thing - find out exactly which STI it is.
As others have said, some are treatable, some aren't. I've come across various ones , from sexually transmittable 'fleas', to syphillis. I once had a job in a psychiatric hospital where one poor woman was in the last stages, now thankfully treatable.
Personally I would avoid all sexual contact until you have more information. But try not to feel so bad, many people have had to face this problem.

Advice here www.nhs.uk/Livewell/STIs/Pages/VisitinganSTIclinic.aspx
they will notify for you if you don't want to do it

and also ethelwulf can you tell who caught it from who?