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Any ideas welcome

(38 Posts)
BlueBelle Tue 12-Sep-17 05:12:47

Tonight my school friend, who I lost touch with when we left school but picked up about ten years ago (I see her once a month on a school friends lunch ) is being dropped off whilst her husband goes to a meeting ... she is five years into Alzheimer's and got to the point where she can't be left alone He has done this once before and it was a long three and a half hours I am really happy to have her round and glad I can be trusted and help but have you any ideas what we can do She doesn't have much conversation apart from yeses and no s I got lots of photo albums out last time and school stuff to jog her memory but her interested was very limited we had something to eat and drink but there was still a lot of time left I want her to have a nice time
I just wondered if some of you had any thoughts other than photos ( I know nothing about her life between 16 and 60 so no memories other than school )
Thanks for reading

NanaVal1946 Tue 12-Sep-17 18:52:37

Be very careful if you decide to go for a walk, your friend may not want to return to the house .

W11girl Tue 12-Sep-17 19:07:24

I agree with Annsixty, she is spot on.

annifrance Tue 12-Sep-17 19:36:58

Films that stick in my memory from the 60s are How to Steal a Million with Audrey Hepburn and Peter O'Toole, SummerHoliday with Cliff Richard, early Bond films, early Pink Panther, The Graduate.

Well done for helping. My mother had dimentia, so it was circular conversations, circular country drives and repetitive jokes. It all made her happy and she kept her sense of humour.

Lorelei Tue 12-Sep-17 21:51:05

My nan seemed to like colouring and jigsaws until her arthritis and memory put paid to those activities too. When she was still mobile she couldn't remember what she did 5 minutes before etc but could still name lots of her plants. I guess what is or isn't retained in the memory will be different for everyone. Play it by ear, see if your friend gives any cues as to something you could do, watch, or listen to together. Anything is worth a try, and if it isn't a roaring success your friend is unlikely to remember anyway. It must be nice for her husband to be able to attend his meeting knowing his wife has a trusted friend to spend a bit of time with. Maybe, if he has time after the meeting you could invite the husband in for a cuppa and a chat to see if he has any ideas - he might also appreciate having an adult conversation if he gets little from his wife now. You are a good friend and that's probably what matters most. I hope you have a nice day - try not to stress flowers

Starlady Thu 14-Sep-17 03:03:44

Annsixty's post is spot on, imo.

If your friend still has her long term memory, then an old film or old songs might help. Otherwise, no.

But really, if "she can't be left alone," imo, it's time for her dh to seek professional help with her and stop expecting you/an old friend to help. I know this is only the second time and he needs a break, now and then. But it's a huge responsibility and not fair, imo, to put it on anyone who isn't trained/getting paid to deal with dementia.

You're an angel for agreeing to do it though. Best of luck!

BlueBelle Thu 14-Sep-17 07:11:49

Thanks so much I'm overwhelmed with all the answers which I will keep in my head
Norose and Annsixty you were right I kept it really simple We did look at some school photos and she remembered some names but that didn't last very long .... then I made a pizza and coffee which we ate on our knees and she throughly enjoyed that ....Then Bake off came onto the TV (which I d left on in the background something I wouldn't normally do) I don't normally watch Bake off as I m not much into cooking but I used that as a trigger and we laughed at the disasters and said how awful some of the food looked and how good others did and the time passed nicely
I m not new to dementia ( both Nan and Mum) but I know so little about my friends life in between school and now and she is at the inbetween stage not needing 'playing with' but definitely not able to be alone or pass the time or have conversations without help but she is quite mellow and not at the aggressive stage (that I know so well )
Her husband came for her and she was pleased to see him but didn't seem to want to rush off so we had half an hour chatting together (I barely know him but he's doing a great job)
Again thanks for taking the time to give me excellent ideas

Imperfect27 Thu 14-Sep-17 07:20:06

So pleased the evening went well - you put so much loving thought into it. Glad the H had a chance for some respite and the added sense of support because of your time and care.

What a lovely person you are! flowers

Grannyknot Thu 14-Sep-17 07:33:36

Hi Bluebelle some excellent suggestions and the evening went well. My MIL had Alzheimer's and she used to love "dressing up" - which sometimes meant we'd have her in an evening dress and make up at 10 in the morning grin

I also just want to add - "the aggressive stage" is not a given. The doctor who assessed my MIL told us "You could get aggression or 'off with the fairies' - pray for the latter". We got the latter, my MIL was the funniest, sunniest and happiest Alzheimer's patient for 20 years. The most challenging thing she ever did was come on to any man who came close smile - no exceptions! She died a month ago, at home, in her own bed (not in the UK).

silverlining48 Thu 14-Sep-17 09:45:47

I am glad all went well bluebelle. You are a true friend.

norose4 Thu 14-Sep-17 10:19:19

Well done Bluebelle, You sound like a lovely caring lady & your help will have been invaluable, & was a big undertaking , Glad our limited input helped in some small way .

grannyactivist Thu 14-Sep-17 10:36:59

Bluebelle your kindliness will have made a huge difference to your friend's husband and although your friend may not even remember your thoughtfulness she will know that you made her feel welcomed and cared for. flowers

Norah Thu 14-Sep-17 14:33:53

Bluebelle, I am so glad it went well, What a love you are to care so much. Watching Bake off was brilliant!