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How do you tell a loved one to stop smoking?

(30 Posts)
polyester57 Mon 03-Sep-18 10:35:00

I´m picking up from a thread where someone asked about how to tell a loved person that they had put on too much weight. This is about my brother-in-law (my husband´s sister´s husband), we are all very close, meet up often, go on holiday together. He and I have been great mates, we are both early birds, while our spouses (who are brother and sister) sleep in, we always go and get the shopping done, make breakfast and so on. He has always been a smoker, gave up for a while many years ago, he was scared into it because he needed to have inplants done and the dentist said he couldn´t operate on a heavy smoker. Gradually got back into it via small cigars, one at a time. Now he´s back to smoking about 60 a day, have no idea, loads, he smokes almost contstantly. My sister-in-law nags him all the time, which obviously is not the way. To get away from her, he sits out on the back porch (even in the worst of weathers). We were recently on holiday with them and both my husband and I were shocked by the fact that he is unable to walk even the shortest of distances, climb up stairs, anything really. In addition, he eats really unhealthy food, drinks a fair amount of beer and coffee but apart from that hardly drinks at all (meaning water). My SiL says she is at her wits´ end. Apart from that he is a lovely, kind man, has three children and four grand-children whom he adores. He is a retired company manager, so money is not the issue (unfortunately). Does anyone have an idea how to stop a person from killing themselves? Whenever I try to talk to him, he comes up with horrible sayings such as, "you have to die of something" and "I´m only keeping my lungs warm".

fourormore Wed 05-Sep-18 22:21:56

Like so many of you I too have watched relatives die attached to oxygen etc. due to smoking, on both sides of our family.
DH has been 'secretly' smoking for some 30yrs and I have tried every which way to persuade him to give up. The secrecy is ridiculous too as everyone can smell it on him!
He has recently been diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis but 20 mins after getting home from an overnight stay in hospital he was out the back sneaking a fag again.
I have now given up sad
I just have to accept that no one can help any one who won't help themselves.

annep Wed 05-Sep-18 22:30:28

I have tried with my son who has asthma for years. Uses inhaler, then lights up. Waste of time. very intelligent person too.

fourormore Thu 06-Sep-18 08:59:45

That's the worst of it isn't it annep - there is so much education yet they still don't care!

annep Thu 06-Sep-18 11:14:05

Yes. so annoying too fourormore. His partner smokes too and I have spoken to both of them ( nicely of course) . They know the risks. Tomorrow..they are always going to stop tomorrow. They've just moved to France and I hope part of the new start will include stopping. But I won't hold my breath. So really I feel the OP has to leave the BiL to make up his own mind. I would just ensure passive smoking isn't a problem for anyone.