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should I do nothing?

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Catlover123 Sun 03-Feb-19 15:28:39

Recently my DS and his wife went to visit my niece. My niece who is in her thirties has not had a good record with boyfriends in the past, and the last one was jealous and controlling. Her current boyfriend seems to be liked but I'm not sure how much we know about him. Anyway my DIL said after their visit that the new boyfriend seemed overly critical and bad tempered. My niece had told them that she couldn't discuss her new job openly with them because it threatened her bf's masculinity because he was in a lesser position. They didn't feel comfortable about him at all and now they are engaged. I would like to ask my sister-in-law if she thinks everything is OK but I would have to tell her about the private conversation I had with my son and his wife, and I wouldn't want it to get back to my niece that they had been discussing their visit with me. My DIL asked for my advice and I said I didn't see how she could do anything about it. I am still worried and don't know whether to keep mum about it or not? any advice appreciated.

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ElaineRI55 Tue 05-Feb-19 13:42:58

As others have said, trying to warn someone about a partner doesn't usually work and may actually hasten a marriage.
However, it does sound as though your DS and DIL were pretty worried and the critical and bad-tempered bits do make you wonder about the possibility of control or psychological abuse. There may, of course, be nothing at all to worry about.
Would you have any reason to give your niece a call or visit her and chat about things in general including her engagement? If so, she might say something that you could use as the basis for talking to your SIL without your DS and DIL being "implicated".
Maybe longer term , you and your DS and DIL could try your best to stay in touch with your niece, so that you can offer support should it be needed.

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llizzie2 Tue 05-Feb-19 15:40:18

People have to make their own mistakes in life. They will not thank you for interfering and it may even make them more determined that they are right and you wrong, even when they ask your advice, so it is best to leave things alone. No one can know what someone is like. As JJ says: 'it calls for the operation of the mind'. Of course that is for court evidence, but is true nonetheless.

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Luckylegs9 Tue 05-Feb-19 16:43:12

Do nothing, know nothing.

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