My mum is 69 and my older half siblings avoid her saying that she is ‘lazy’ and ‘entitled’. They say she won’t do anything for herself. (This is referring to pre lockdown). She wants me to get her shopping and newspapers everyday. Sometimes if I’m ill I don’t want to go out and get them. If I don’t go out early enough and the newspapers have sold out she sulks. If I ever can’t go to her house she rings me saying she wishes she was dead and that her children should be looking after her. She will also say she has no food. I’ve offered to order her shopping and newspapers online but she says that she need fresh food everyday and doesn’t trust newspaper delivery people to really deliver. She wants my older siblings to take her out for rides in their cars ( she’s never driven) but they have privately told me that they find this annoying as they don’t enjoy driving. I am torn, she is 69 and I worry that she may die quite soon as , although 70 is not old nowadays, you often hear of 70 year olds dying, so I feel maybe we should just do as she wants?
She does cook and do gardening but if there is anything ‘official’, like needing a repairman or ringing her doctors, she expects me to do it. She has two corner shops round the corner but refuses to use them ( this was pre covid) as she says they are ‘rough’. She’s always been like this, when I was a child my early teen sister had to do a lot for her, which sister still resents. Mum has no friends as they privately each told me they variously didn’t want to see anymore as she was ‘always moaning’ or ‘bad tempered and sulky’. She does use the ‘silent treatment’ a lot, which was scary when I was very small. She regularly used to threaten suicide and I would worry all day at primary school. I suspect she has some form of mental illlness.
I don’t work myself due to schizophrenia so I do have time to do her shopping etc. My older siblings work full time and sister has 3 kids. She doesn’t have schizophrenia but I am wondering if her behaviour is odd or not for her age. She is very scathing about mental illness and says I am just being ‘soft’ or anxious when I have trouble with voices or seeing things and need to ‘toughen up.’ She despises medication and wants me to come off my antipsychotic medicine as she says I use it as an excuse for being fat and sleeping in and not missing her newspapers. If I ever have a problem, such as an ill cat that had to be put down, she gets very angry and yells ‘well, it’s your fault for getting a cat’. She gets furious if I am ever too ill to do her errands or visit. I’ve learnt never to tell her when I’m having a bad time with symptoms of mental illness or even a migraine as she gets so livid with me. My older half brother won’t have any contact with her and my sister is close to cutting her off too. My dad ran out on her before I was born but they see their dad and stepmom who are in their 70’s and prefer them to my mum. My half siblings dad and stepmom still with and are very youthful and active, going online and using mobile phones, which she refuses to try and do. She gets carers allowance for me having schizophrenia but I don’t feel supported by her and rely on the Samaritans instead. They say I shouldn’t visit everyday. Is it normal for someone aged 69 to be like this? Does she deserve help as she is this age? When she was younger I would have been unsympathetic and backed out of doing some things but maybe at 69 some people do feel they need help? I don’t know how tired a 69 year old feels? Perhaps it depends on the person? Sorry I keep acting as if 69 is some unknowable, ancient age, I’m no spring chicken myself I just don’t know many other people her age ( I don’t know my half siblings dad and stepmom personally). I do know a lady who is 80 who is very active at my voluntary work ( a good bank and lunch club) and won’t let anyone do anything for her. However another lady who is about my age, goes off and sits down before we pack up the lunch club things saying the ‘young ones’ should do the lifting of tables and chairs. I’m only 39! I join in with the young ones! She makes hurtful comments about me not wanting children and being unnatural and about my being fat, so I often feel like staying away. Sorry for the rambling post I’m up at this time as I’ve lowered my meds and have a headache, nausea and insomnia from doing so. I am on a diet but my meds cause ravenous hunger and seem to make weight loss even on a strict diet very slow. I was very slim, a size 8 before I began on these meds 15 years ago. I don’t want to go off them just to be on a low dose. If I go off them I feel terrified all the time. (They are basically like strong tranquillisers.) thanks for reading x
