Being moved out of the picture

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I only had one gran who was in her mid 80's by the time I was a teenager. I did see her occasionally but I don't think there was any expectation by anybody that I would be visiting on a regular basis. My mother visited her every week in later years. My parents moved to be near us but by that time our children were off to University and out at work so just not around much. I am afraid it is the way things often go, we see our now nearly grown up grandchildren as and when. A phone call so much better than a text.

Blinko

You are so right. All, any parent or indeed grandparent can do is let let them go, and be there if they need you.

I knew only one of my grandparents, my maternal grandmother whom I absolutely adored and my mother used to say that I could get away with things which she would never have tolerated in her own children Although she died when I was a child I can recognise what an influence she was on my life and how I absorbed many of her values - good and not so good!

TBH, if you have able-bodied adult children, it is their responsibility to keep in touch and make sure you're ok. If you feel family isn't paying attention, talk to them.

It is not the responsibility of teenagers and young adults to look after their grandparents. Their responsibility is to their own parents. Most grandparents spend a lot of time with small grandchildren because they want to. It doesn't mean they owe you, any more than they owe their parents for having them in the first place.

The only way to keep grandchildren close to you as they grow up is to remain relevant to their lives as a person. A shared hobby or skill, shared interests, or shared faith.

Most young people hardly ever see their grandparents. That's normal. It doesn't make them selfish.

I think it's called 'flying the nest' which most people see this as the parents nest but when a grandparent has a close relationship which their grandchildren then their nest can be just as empty. Try to find something to interest you then when you txt/call you can tell them about it. Their not going to want to spend too much time with anyone who is relying on them to much. Hope you solve it because it is a sad situation.

I know exactly how you feel but it happens with your children first and you get used to it! You throw yourself into your grandchildren when they come along until they reach that age when they withdraw. It is natural but hurtful and you will get used to it again. Draw up a list of things you'd like to do and start working through it to take your mind off it. Enjoy the connections you do have and just make the most of them.

I can relate to this in the fact I am also on my own and some of the sadness is the world right now with Covid makes it difficult to do many things that once were available. Here my doctor's appointments are by phone, my volunteer job is gone as they are not allowing volunteers in to protect community spread if I go out somewhere for coffee alone no one strikes up a conversation anymore. Places I once attended are closed due to the pandemic for safety. My point I guess is these things normally help when you are lonely due to missing your grandchildren or any reason and may be not possible to do right now due to the prevention of community spread for our own safety. It is a crazy world we live in. Hang in there!

maremia I m sorry to disagree with you but teenagers do NOT want a grandmother whatsapping them that’s fine under 11 but after that most teens and young adults would not want an old person on their whatsap or snapchat, sending them daily photos
You cannot keep a one sided relationship going I also don’t agree with grandmabatty that teenagers are any different nowadays to how they have always been it s normal for grandkids to grow away, to be selfish, thoughtless, completely tied up with their own ups and downs,
I always remember a chinese proverb not about grandkids but the same idea it goes something like this ....
“Come to the edge”the mother bird said, and they were afraid, “come to the edge“ she said, they came, and she pushed

I really wouldn't like to ever feel so dependent on family contact and time.

They do keep in touch and I see them regularly.

Still, having brought up four kids (and a grandson) I've always had my own hobbies and interests, my own life running in parallel.

As they've become less involved, less of a burden, my independent 'other life' has increased to the point where I'm quite content with a quick phone call!

I do think this current situation means we dwell on things such as this, it’s not healthy is it? When we are busy socialising, volunteering etc, a sad thought might drift in, but soon drifts out! I don’t remember my grandparents taking any notice of me at all but there were so many grandchildren it would have been a full time job.
My mother was independent to a fault, which gave me the impression she was always fine, but I remember a phone call saying quietly “How are you? I just thought I’d ring as it’s a while since I heard from you” (Living 35 miles away) Boy was I self absorbed and wish I had done more.
Now look to a happier future for yourself after this vile virus.

A good reason not to put everything on hold for family. You need to keep up hobbies, interests and friendships as family often choose to have distant relationships with their parents/grandparents. You are more than just your family!

Love that saying, Blinko!

Bluebell at no point did I say teenagers were different now to previous ones.

Some years ago my daughter-in-law asked me to write a letter to be opened on my grandson’s 21st Birthday,which I did,I kept a copy and am amazed how nice it sounded.I had planned to write letters to all my 7 grandchildren but had put it off,so now is the time to do this for them and my 4 children.
This might be a thing you could do for your family and write little memories you treasure about each one,then when we are gone they will know how much they were loved.You must have done a great job with the children as they have learnt to spread their wings,that’s our job.Stay safe.

My eldest two are exactly the same! I personalise everything so thought they just didn't like me, but I know deep down they will love me. I was told once that children are only ever given to us 'on loan.' At the time I was young, had no children and genuinely thought the person didn't know what she was talking about! Three adult children later and I now really appreciate the depth of that advice! It's very very hard, but have we not done a good job if our children grow up to be live completely independant lives?

Bluebell, disagree all you like, but it's worth a try. If it's a family WhatsApp their friends won't see it, so no embarrassment there. Sparkling would soon find out if it works or not, and what was your better suggestion?

My 93 year old mother was saying the same thing yesterday about grandchildren, and knows some grandparents who are helped and visited regularly by older grandkids, and this upsets her, especially as some of hers live so close. She is rather religious and judgemental so perhaps that's why, and yet I do think half-an-hour here and there wouldn't hurt anyone. I felt so sad for her.

this is a by-product of a highly industrialised modern society. it is not the norm the world over. even in other parts of europe, people tend to be closer to all family members, eg italy, greece, poland, africa, asia.