Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Am I right to be upset?

(68 Posts)
Frufru Sun 01-May-22 20:33:40

I’m 58 and in the menopause. I’ve always had a tummy, even when I weighed a lot less than I do now!
Today my mother in law told me I looked pregnant in my son’s wedding photos! I’m a size 14 bottom and 16 top to accommodate my big boobies!
I can’t stop thinking how rude she is!

Puzzled Sun 26-Jun-22 19:04:57

Size 14 bottom and Size 16 top sounds pretty good to me, not even chubby, let alone fat.
Ignore the green eyed monster on your M I L#s back

The important thing is if DH enjoys you. You dress or undress to please him.

Ali08 Sun 26-Jun-22 03:20:34

Also, if OP is 58 how old is her MiL? Is she possibly in the early stages of dementia/Alzheimer's, as these could lead to someone seemingly suddenly turning nasty!!
I don't want to assume the MiL is just being nasty, it's possible she didn't realise how it would be taken!

Ali08 Sun 26-Jun-22 03:16:42

welbeck

eh ? why mention it at all.
totally out of order.
bending over backwards there, Ali08, trying to make excuses for her.

Not at all. I just try to see things from both sides!

Athrawes Thu 23-Jun-22 10:42:52

How horrid and upsetting. She sounds an unpleasant person, best ignored.

TerriT Thu 23-Jun-22 08:07:33

There is saying that some people open their mouths before their brain engages and she may belong to that group!!!

TerriT Thu 23-Jun-22 07:57:41

Some people think it’s ok to say nasty things and if challenged make you feel as though your are sensitive,without a sense of humour etc. Their remarks come from pure jealousy of that you can be sure. As for the pregnant remark it would have been good to say ‘ if only that were possible but I’d need to have sex for that and that doesn’t seem possible unless I find a boyfriend’ !! But we can never think fast enough at the time!

MercuryQueen Thu 23-Jun-22 07:16:40

There’s no good reason to insult someone’s appearance.

welbeck Wed 22-Jun-22 23:26:34

eh ? why mention it at all.
totally out of order.
bending over backwards there, Ali08, trying to make excuses for her.

Ali08 Wed 22-Jun-22 21:43:03

It is possible she thought you had gained some weight and was trying to mention it without being hurtful, but ended up being hurtful!
Maybe the outfit itself just made you look a bit bigger.
Is she normally a nasty person?

Beautful Sat 18-Jun-22 23:31:43

Mumofmadboys
Loved your comment
made me laugh ... no
doubt others too???

As hurtful as it seems , try to ignor her comment , hard I know . How nasty to say a thing like that ... proves what a nasty person she it ... my daughter would say ... if you have nothing nice to say don't say it ! Chin up just think of what 'Momofmadboys' put that should keep you chuckling, & if you say it to her let is know her reaction please !

Sielha Sat 18-Jun-22 22:33:00

Oh how nasty and uncalled for! Maybe a bit of jealousy involved? Am sure you radiated happiness x

bevis Sat 18-Jun-22 04:37:55

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

lixy Sun 08-May-22 18:42:44

Oh Frufru that's a horrid thing to have said and so hard to forget - I'd be upset too, and would definitely call her out on it if she made such a hurtful comment again.
But can you park it in a mind-space for now so that it doesn't spoil your memories of the day? Easier said than done I know.

TheodoraP Sun 08-May-22 18:36:01

Luv all the replys they are so spot on

We are fortunate to have eachother to talk to smile

TheodoraP Sun 08-May-22 18:31:02

I like it Doodledog

if she says anything further you could suggest that you try to lose some weight if she tries to learn some manners.

TheodoraP Sun 08-May-22 18:27:54

Frufru Let's tell it like it is Your Mother in law is nasty

What a horrible thing to say.

I would give her a bit of her own medicine and highlight something of hers that's not so perfect see how she likes it

Trust me if you do it back to her she will stop being so nasty

A dose of ..your own medicine.. always works on such people

CoffeeFirst Sun 08-May-22 18:05:16

Blimey what a cheek! Totally uncalled for but I’d ignore it this time.

If it happens again, I’d definitely call her out on such rudeness.

BlueSky Sat 07-May-22 08:50:22

I’ve had comments made mainly by colleagues, on the fact that I’m short. They were absolutely right of course, so I just replied “You are right there!” which put an end to the conversation swiftly. It seems to be OK to mention lack of height by all and sundry.

Tricia2 Sat 07-May-22 06:12:49

How rude that was of her. I’m sorry that she hurt your feelings. Next time tell it was harsh.

crazyH Sat 07-May-22 00:54:02

I try to be nice and watch my Ps and Qs when I’m with d.I.ls. You can’t do right for doing wrong. We were just talking names they gave their children, and not one of them has named one of their children after a member of my family. So I mentioned it because I was sad . I have accepted it now. All my grandchildren, have at least one middle name, from their maternal side. I know my family’s place in the pecking order?

Shel69 Sat 07-May-22 00:37:49

Had that said to me a few times, I had triplets and was left with a large tummy I can't get rid of without surgery which isn't for me plus my age after menopause, my answer used to be flattered you think I look young enough to be pregnant, of course now at 70 I don't get that comment

henetha Wed 04-May-22 10:51:21

Some people like dishing it out but can't take it back....
She sounds awfully tactless.

Shirleyw Wed 04-May-22 04:33:05

I wonder when people make comments like that they think they are being amusing….which they are not of course.

Before I married I was about a size 16 - 18 and when me and my now husband went to north wales to meet his relatives , were quite a few, they were all sitting around for tea and this old boy said to me ‘ I can see you have more than half an hour for lunch’ ….I was gob smacked and remembered I went red as a beetroot and totally lost for words….people just don’t think sometimes….

jeanie99 Wed 04-May-22 01:26:19

I think my comment would be
"have you ever had a good look at yourself in the mirror, you are no model yourself"
Someone who is so rude to make such a comment must be a really horrible person.
If you can't say something positive don't say anything I say.

Whiff Tue 03-May-22 09:01:11

I had awful in law's they treated my late husband and me appalling . We had only been married a year my father in law say to me your to fat lose weight and I will give you £1 for every pound you lose. My husband and I walked out their house.

But my darling man would never give up on his parents. So we went back every week. They only thing we did right in the eyes of my father in-law was have the children. Unfortunately he died when they were 4 and 8 months. My mother in law took against our daughter from when she was a baby was all our son until he had a mind of his own.

Unfortunately my husband died in 2004. I put up with my mother in law's appalling behaviour from 1975 until 2015 when she died. Why you may ask because I loved my husband and she was his mother therefore family. May be an old fashioned view but I was brought up with a strong sense of family. Even if some where evil.