Who pays? And should a young child go to a parent’s funeral?

I don’t think it’s a good idea to take young children to a parent’s funeral. I was advised not to when my husband died when my children were still at primary school (in fact one of them was still an infant) and I don't regret not taking them. What would it have done to them to see a box containing their father slide through curtains to be burnt? Better at that age not to know. They’ve never expressed any regret.

I avoided funerals myself until I was an adult. I think they are depressing and don’t help at all, but I suppose it depends on your attitudes towards ceremonies of this type. When I was 8 I knew perfectly well that my grandmother was dead without going to her funeral. I’m so glad nobody put me through that at such a young age.

I know it’s fashionable now to take children, but I still don’t think it’s a good idea.

The deceased person's estate is responsible for paying for the funeral.

If he is in a hospice then presumably he knows he is dying, and if he is still competent, one would hope he has made a will and employed a solicitor to execute it and arrange his funeral. If he was a homeowner then he will have an estate, and the cost of the funeral should come from his estate.

My adored father died when I was ten and I have always resented the fact that I wasn't allowed to attend his funeral. I would ask the child gently what she would like to do.
So sorry for the situation your DD and DGD find themselves in.

Definitely involve the child in the funeral. My 4 granddaughters ( aged 2-8) went to their cousin’s funeral and it was a positive experience as far as it can be. I wouldn’t have liked to exclude them. Maybe she could make a card or choose some flowers to go with the coffin, send a balloon into the air to represent her Dad and saying goodbye.

So sorry to read your predicament Fish&chips, I do know that you cannot be made to pay for a funeral, ( don't sign anything or register the inevitable) the state will eventually take care of this but it takes a bit longer than normal.

Hard to know about the child attending the funeral, as you don’t say what age she is exactly, but the cost of the funeral has to be payed by whoever arranges it.
If nobody came forward to do that, the State pays for it.
If your DGD is seven or over, I think it would be good for her to be with her Mother at the funeral, but it’s a personal decision.

My father’s family kept the deceased person in the front room until the funeral, and the children were all milling about, drawing pictures and picking flowers to go in the coffin. They also attended the funeral, no matter how young they were, and they didn’t seem to have the horror or fear of death. Our children were older when our parents died, so they were happy ( well, you know what I mean!) to go to the funeral.

It seems children are more likely to be involved in funerals than when we were young. My parents were I believe, over protective, somehow believing if we didn't go to our loved ones funerals, we wouldn't be as upset. As BlueBelle says, the advice these days is to allow children to take part - at 9 and with the deceased being her father, it seems right to me that she should be supported by her mum at this funeral. If her mum is there, she'll be able to protect her if that's necessary and also comfort her and explain things. It also means they can talk more easily about this loss as time passes.

Sad situation and I don't know the answer to the financial side of it but I'm sure someone will be able to answer that. My own boys went to my aunt's funeral when they when the youngest was about 8 - I felt they were old enough to understand and had thought a lot about her. My granddaughters went to all 4 of their grandparents funerals - the youngest would be your granddaughter's age when my dad passed away and they were very close to my parents. I think they cope very well and I believe it isn't something they should be shielded from - death is a part of life after all. Do explain all that will happen though so she understands the process.

My grandchildren lost their much loved Daddy when they were 4 and 6 my daughter took advice from various children’s breavement helplines and all seemed to say it is often in the child’s interest to attend the funeral if possible as often they don’t believe they are really dead if they don’t go .... but at the end of the day, even at their tender ages she asked what they wanted to do explaining it would be upsetting, but they did both want to go They kissed their daddy goodbye, they did get upset but sometimes the tears are better out than held in They walked behind their Daddy and at first the little one was skipping along in the sunshine They did both cry during the ceremony as did many ....they are now teenagers and seem well rounded and have never shown any signs that wished they hadn’t gone
Obviously different people will have different views but I hope this has been helpful from my personal experience