And it will be very interesting to read the book and see if it differs from DH's experiences!

I don't think the photo can be of Leila's family because she's only got one child.

We unexpectedly had a 3G household for about 10 months last year when my newly married daughter and her husband moved in with us after their house purchase fell through - with kitten in tow

We didn't even consider making house rules, everyone just sort of fell into different roles related to "hunting and gathering" or "keeping the home fires burning". Unspoken rules were: all food is shared, (hide your chocolate stash in your room if you don't want someone else to eat it), go for a walk if you have "cabin fever", knock on the bathroom door, take your turn at chores if you haven't swept/vacuumed/dusted/cleared away for a while. Oh yes and let someone know if you're going to be late for dinner.

Come to think of it, the only necessity was a good supply of Post It notes! We miss them now that they're gone.

I was brought up in a 3 generation house. My mum's dad died the year before my mum and dad married and they moved into her house. We all lived together with my younger sister until I moved away to train as a nurse. I moved back for a short while when that didn't work out until I moved into my own house before I got married. My mum worked and my nana looked after us when we weren't at school. She was an incredible cook and did everything in the house. My nana also worked as a cleaner and would take us with her during the school holidays. We were all very close. When I had my children she came to stay to help look after them even in her 80s (and after a heart attack). Living together can be a very positive experience but you need to be flexible.
My daughter and her boyfriend are now living with me and my husband. I suspect that they will stay after they get married at least for a while even if they have children. Finances aside, my daughter is in no rush to move out because of her dad's health. I appreciate them being here but the lack of space can sometimes be an issue.

I had my daughter her partner and premature baby stay with me over the summer, while they waited to be rehoused. With some trepidation! However, it was a wonderful experience and I think we all enjoyed it. I stood back with care of baby while being there for advice if needed. Plus my relationship with my daughter strengthened. It was fractious before she left home at 19. But at 26 completely different. I can honestly say I only had one day when I wanted to scream!!

We've got several neighbouring houses with three generational households and they've been doing it for years! I used to think it meant having granny sitting in the corner of the front room but these days it's more likely to mean adult children's off-spring being accommodated. I couldn't do it either way but it works for many and good luck to them!

The blog was a bit condescending - yes, what about the grandparents wanting a bit of privacy? - but never mind. We get the point...

We have had various of our children and their families living us for various reasons and for varying lengths of time. Apart from DD3 setting up a wedding cake making business which entailed an awful lot of sugar, I would say it has been a really positive experience. Luckily, our house is large enough for anyone wanting to have sex to do so without the rest of the household being aware.

I think the GPs are supposed to have sex when the others are out during the day.

It's great to hear of so many positive experiences, but I'm another one who isn't totally buying the "no rules" claim. I suspect there are often a lot of unspoken rules. Even the comments about "the men" doing the "yardwork" and "the women" doing things "in the house" reflect an unspoken set of rules about of how work is divided up. In fact, I agree with the poster who said that one of the reasons we may need more rules today is that we don't make automatic assumptions about "men's work" and "women's work."

I'm also with the poster who wondered how much kids really know about what "rules" were worked out or not. In many cases, kids wouldn't be privvy to these discussions.

That being said, I think these can be drawbacks to setting up definite rules and division of labor. Mostly cuz things don't always work quite the way people think they're going to. IMO, some families need to do some advance planning to make 3G living workable and others don't. But everyone needs to realize, I believe, that some decisions will need to change and some routines be adjusted, as time goes on.

Also, I think if the parents and GPs have vastly different visions of how things will be, this needs to be addressed. For example, maybe the parents assume that the GPs will be willing to babysit at the drop of a hat, however often, but the GPs don't want to do it more than once a week and expect to be asked in advance. In cases like that, there has to be some discussion and hopefully, some compromise.

When I was a child, my MGM lived with us for a while. Overall, I would say it was a positive experience and I enjoyed and grew very close to MGM. However, she and my DF (dear father) didn't always get along and there were one or two HUGE arguments between them, which, in turn, created tension between my parents. So (sigh) I know that even in some (not saying all) "positive" 3G experiences, there are some seriously negative parts. Personally, I would avoid it.

Am I the only one living in a teeny house?

Good question, grannlyn! Space has so much to do with it, IMO!

I live in a teeny weeny house too, grannylyn!

I sometimes think I'd like to live with a big family but maybe it can be irritating in real life.

I live in a teeny house too. I remember years ago my Mum saying she thought the reason why we hadn't moved to a bigger place was so she couldn't live with us! It wasn't true, but it was one of the advantages of our little house.

Whew, what a relief, was picturing vast houses with dozens of rooms and, a tweeny of course!!

I wish, grannylynn65! We've a bog standard end terrace with only the one "reception" room. It was cosy when we brought up our 3 children and again when the DS, DDIL and DGS1 come to stay for 7 months. That's how I like it.

I was brought up in a 4 generation family,from my brother and me to our wonderful great-grandmother.It was an average semi with 3 bedrooms and 2 reception rooms.
It was the happiest time of my life!

DSS lived with us from age 18. His girlfriend came for one night and ended up staying 3 years ! They moved into a flat but they were unable to save a deposit for a house do we invited them back. We made their room into almost a bedsit with a telly and sofa so we could spend time apart. I cooked most of the evening meals so insisted they let me know if they were going out but things were generally quite fluid. They saved quickly (maybe to get away!!)and now own their own home .

I've spent much of my life in a 3 generation household.

When I was little, my grandparents lived with us. ("Us" being me, my big sister and our parents.) This continued till my grandmother died when I was in my teens.

My widowed mum lived with me, my husband and our two daughters for the last 7 years of her life, when her health was too poor for her to live independently. I still miss her every day.

Our younger daughter and her partner have lived with us for the past 10 years, and have daughters of their own aged 6 and 4. Hopefully, this arrangement will continue. It helped them when they could not afford their own home and now, as we get older, they are committed to helping us.

I wouldn't say it has always been easy. My husband is inclined to impose his own rules on everyone, regardless of generation. (He would be just the same if he only lived with me!) This resulted in occasional clashes with my mum, and now with DD and/or SiL, which can be awkward but eventually get sorted out. The rest of us tend to rub along together okay - a bit of give and take goes a long way.

One of the biggest benefits of the present situation is having the DGDs around every day. I love to spend time with them and I don't mind being the resident babysitter!

I was brought up in a 3G household - Grandma, Mum and me - Dad was in the army. Gran lived with us until her death in the 60s, even after Dad came home. When I was first married I lived at my parents home until we could afford our own. Now I'm in my 70s and still in a 3G home as my youngest daughter and her son live with me after she and her partner broke up.
Have never had rules about who does what, each person does what they can, as and when. Like all families there were and are occasional fallouts but nothing that can't be solved with good communication. 3G families are not new and will probably go on forever in some form.

I grew up in a 3G family in Grandad's rented house as, I understand, housing was difficult after the war and he was living alone. So we were there til he died when I was about 12.
It was not easy in a two up two down slum. Mum and Dad both worked, while they were out Dad's sisters would spend all day at our house creating dishes, not doing anything to help. I recall coming in from school emptying Grandad's chamber pot (I recall having to be careful coming downstairs in case I spilled it)-yuk!
Then I would have a go at dishes. How my parents managed I cannot begin to imagine. We were rehoused when I was 16 and went from paying 8 shillings a week rent to £12 and had to then find bus fares for us all too. Really tough days.
Grandad wasn't easy to live with but I don't suppose my Mum was either, harassed tired thing she was!
Dad died young (59) so my sister and I looked after Mum and tried to make up in her old age for the hardship she had suffered. She LOVED staying with us and LOVED her DGC which Dad never even saw.?

When items are deleted can we be told WHICH rules have been broken? It's so intriguing?

This is way past the original post date but when one of my SIL, D and GS came to live with us while they looked for a house, it lasted for about a year with 2 main rules. One from us: If you want to row, go for a walk while you do it , and one from them: please don't use gravy granules, they are SO unhealthy.
Despite that, I'd avoid it if I could.

When I was young my GF used to come for a few weeks every summer, so that my aunt who he lived with could have a break. He was cantankerous, always complaining, but as Mum said it was only for a short time.
Now I am a GM (widow) I have recently retired (67) and have moved house with my daughter, her partner and their daughter. We bought a big bungalow, 3 beds, large lounge, garage, large garden. We are having a 'granny annex' built, converting garage into bedroom, adding shower room, kitchen and conservatory for lounge. That will be mine, the rest of the house theirs. We have got along alright for the last 7 months while permissions sought and building started, a few more weeks to go. They work and do most of the cooking, I do some childcare (3 year old) and washing up, cleaning etc. I'm helping them in that I bought a house they could not afford to do, they will help me when I get older and decrepid. As she is my only child all of my money, house, etc. will go to her anyway. It works well for us.

A huge difference between a few months or weeks- or for life- especially in old age when opting out again would be practically impossible. I've seen it again and again- including with people who have moved abroad together.

It can work really well- but what if is a massive IF...

I'd always ensure that I have a bolt hole and an option 'B' - even if temporarily to cool off. What if the children divorce, or if your child dies and you are left with a sil or dil who then want to re-marry. Once all the money from both sides is committed to that option, and the renovation, additions, etc- then you just can't pull out if things don't work out. Happened to one of my UK colleagues, and it was an absolute and total nightmare- with her stuck in the middle of a mother who became tyrannical and 2 teenagers in full rebellion, and a OH who had just had enough! Seen it too with a family who moved to FRance, in a rural isolated area with mother no longer able to drive- and she fell out with sil- it was dreadful.

So- tempting- but not for me. I love my independence too much- and there is no way I'd become the permanent baby-sitter, cleaner and cook. NO WAY. My daughters would never ever expect me to be either. Not natural- I'd say.