Last chance at life!

I wish you well and hope you at least find peace.

Good on you Bean123 now go and live YOUR life.We are here if you need us

Well I've found my dream cottage and by some quirk of fate have been offered tenancy by the owner. I've had a long talk with my husband about our marriage but he's burying his head in the sand as usual. If course I feel for him but we have been living our lives as companions for the last few years with no love or affection. So what the mortgage will be paid off in around 5 years. 5 years is a long time in an ever shortening lifespan. I sincerely hope we can part amicably but whatever, I am determined to take my last chance at happiness and peace in my life.

The house is gone.....shame. It seems some believe that my dilemma is simply due to boredom. I'm really not that shallow in fact I'm quite a nice person. I wouldn't sacrifice my marriage simply due to that. There is a lot more to it and the reason I've stayed so long is a lot to do with my not wanting to hurt him. If I decided to go out and do my own thing it would no doubt make matters worse as he hates me socialising. I would never compare my situation with people who have suffered physical abuse and my sincere sympathies go out to those who have lost loved ones. The abuse I suffer is much more subtle. The love I once felt for my husband has been eroded mainly due to his attitude to my family. No matter what, my love for them will always come first and I've allowed him to push them away for long enough. Hey ho onwards and upwards.

Really helpful advice

Their might well be, but an affair is much more fun and you'll be getting one over the OH for ignoring you.

How on earth will an affair help? This seems like really bad advice!

An affair? What does that solve?
"Other courses of action are available" as they might say on the Beeb.

When it's gone it's gone, but where are you going too.

I've being married since 1972 so I've really got the ONE live, but I don't sit and moan, get out and about. theirs a lot of women who are just like us, and if you ever get the chance of having a affair, GO FOR IT

Bean123 - it depends what you want out of life really. If you are the person who always needs a partner then it may be tricky to find another one if that is what you want. My husband died when I was in my forties and I have never found anyone else that I would have been interested in. I enjoy living on my own as I can do what I like when I like - that is if I have enough money!
If you are bored and lonely then sit down with your husband and tell him what you are feeling. It could be that he is just not capable of making any effort so in which case you may be better off without him especially as he seems to be controlling you with regard to family etc.
Unfortunately - and I may be shot down in flames for this - from what I have seen, a lot of men just get into a rut and will not communicate.
I am not sure where you live but £15,000 each from equity from the house doesn't sound much - are you sure about this. You need to look at prices of houses, cost of renting, what you can afford etc. Perhaps CAB could advise you re finances. On the other hand if you want to save your marriage then mediation might help. He may have no idea what you are feeling.

I have read this with a growing sadness. "It takes two", "give and take", "live and let live" and dare I mention "for better or worse" spring to mind.
So you find sci-fi mindless, why sit in the same room mindlessly trawling FB or GN? Go out. Find an interest. Meet people. Read a book.
He likes sci-if, you don't.
He likes football, you don't
You like Bake-off. He doesn't
Isn't that how mature relationships develop? When you are young and joined at the hip a girl may follow her boyfriend to boring rugby matches, pretend to like his music and share his passions. But you are a mature individual and while it is great to share interests or hobbies, it is hardly a deal breaker to establish your own
We have had a few threads in the past where an OP complains how boring her DH has become especially now he is retired and"cluttering the place up" and within a few pages she is exhorted to "go girl" "you are entitled to happiness" and apparently gives up on the marriage after however many decades and strikes out alone. How she copes with the practicalities, the finances, the loneliness, how the children and grandchildren are affected we never know. Nor how her possibly devastated ex-partner copes with having his world turned upside down
But there is a huge difference between leaving an abusive relationship (and I take my hat off to those of you who have survived and built a new life for your children and yourselves) or leaving a lying and cheating partner , and just being bored. What is it we used to say to our children when they moaned "I'm bored"? I leave you to remember what you used to tell them.
The grass is not always greener.
Last chance at life?

relationships need work! both parties need to put the work in. I agree with Wobblybits it is sad that people are unhappy in their marriage, but I have to say 'at least your husband is still alive!'

Wobblybits, I hope most of us are happy.I can honestly say that i have the worlds best husband and no he has never bought me a single flower but he is lovely.

Bean123, if he has isolated you from F&F you need to go, if the doctors told you that in a year you wouldnt be here how would you want to spend that year and what regrets would you have ? that is how i looked at my life when i was in the same position as you and it made me do what I NEEDED to do. Goodluck and be strong

No Yorkshire But she appreciated them, and as I took the price ticket off ......

Good luck Bean let us know how you get on.

Wobbly Are you from Scotland?

Thank you all for your comments. As I've said I'm no angel and I'm sure my husband finds me just as boring as I find him. Sad state of affairs when we've got to the stage where we've stopped trying. It's taken a long time in really trying hard to make it work to get here. Wobblybits I'm sure the majority of us over 50's are happy in our relationships. The ones who are happy don't need to seek support from others as they already have all the support they need from their spouses. How I envy them ! To have someone to laugh with, to share happy family times with, to snuggle up and have occasional sexy times with, to have financial security. Sadly we in unhappy marriages don't have any of that but we carry on for years and years due to some unwritten rule about loyalty and fear of being alone. I have seen a little cottage to rent in a country village. It's just about in my reach financially. I can see myself snuggled up on the sofa in front of the open fire....... I'm going to ring tomorrow to see if it's still on the market.....Wish me luck

Don't get me wrong, I'm not critisising those where their marriages have not worked, just hoped that it has for some. Bought her some flowers last week (but they were reduced form £15 to £3.75 in Tesco, who says I am a cheapskate.

Plus Wobbly most probably strive for a great marriage like it seems you have with Mrs. P, but unfortunately, for some this isn't realistic. You are a very lucky man and should go out and buy her a huge bunch of flowers. Or have some delivered.

Well we are very happy. Looking forward to moving soon near to our daughter. New house, new area. DH thinks I' m going to take up cycling as there is a coastal and cycle path close by. I will give it a go, though the last time I cycled was to school over 50Yrs ago?

I was really happy with my ex partner Wobbly, we had five glorious years together but sadly, because he was much younger and wanted a baby (not something I was able to do) we split up. He now has a son of his own.

I do hope that there are some Gners that are happy with their partners, I find it sad that so many are unhappy in a relationship.

This is why I am not looking for husband no. 2, at all. I don't need someone falling asleep ten minutes into watching something together or changing from his initial "Superman" persona of our first dates. I've been there and done that and worked hard to not have to put up with it again.

I would, however, have a companion, but he would have to live in his own house, and share times when it suited us both, doing what suited us both. No more having someone making me hide behind the curtains when friends call, to ignore them. I have fought for my freedom and independence and for having my own roof over my head, be it social housing, it is still in my sole tenancy.

Bean You do need to sort this out with your husband, but before you do, please get all the relevant information you may need to your questions. Maybe get a free consultation with a solicitor or see Age UK, they may be able to help you with what rights you have or what you would be entitled to. But please do not be scared of making changes if it would be for the better. It will be different, you would be in somewhere smaller, probably, you would be on your own with no one around for company, you would have to sort out all your own finances. But you would be free, free to have anyone you want in your home, to share it with friends, family, pets (if allowed if renting) anyone and no one will be able to control you. As for the getting ill, then would you really want someone sat at the side of your bed in hospital who's heart really isn't in it to be there? I would rather have lovely nursing staff look after me than any family who really don't care. Please don't worry about this bit, if it is the right thing to do to leave, then your health will improve probably by feeling better about things.

I did it 15 years ago, I am so glad that I did. With my DS now at University I couldn't possibly think what it would be like now with just me and my ex husband together. People change, to promise to be together for life is a hard call. If you know that you have given it your all, then get some advice, save up some money, but make sure you come out of it both with your head held high and your pocket full enough to sustain you. Don't do as I did and get short changed. I was too soft, but then we all live and learn. Good luck.

My DH and I can sit in companionable silence for a while. We have different likes in TV. I like to watch it but he likes to read. I would not be parted from him for anything. We can have a companionable silence with no problem. Bean123 you sound frustrated, bored, looking for more. Having different interests is not a cause for separation if you are happy in yourselves. I agree with Mumsy' why don't you talk to him and see how he feels. What would you feel if he said he found you boring?

But what is companionship? How many find they have nothing much left to talk about with husbands and life is a tad boring?

A bore is a person who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.

Does this apply to any of you?