autism

If the condition is not obvious why the need to have the child labelled and if you tell people it is because you want the child to be treated differently.

Harrigran, why the sharp reply? It was a reasonable question.

My eldest gs was diagnosed with Aspergers soon after starting primary school. Managed those years with help from TA. However, secondary school was a disaster almost from day 1, even though the school had been selected carefully on the basis that it had a good SENCO department. Before the end of year 7, he was being told he could only come into school later, after the other pupils came in, and had to leave earlier and whilst there had his lessons by himself. Result, an 11-year old with severe depresssion. His parents managed to get him transferred to a special school for autistic children. As none of these are any more under the state system, the cost to the local educational authority was enourmous. They tried to oppose it, but his parents fought the system and got him in. He attended there as a weekly boarding pupil, (too far to come home every night), for four years, came out with a pretty good handful of high level GCSE's, and the knowledge on managing his own symptoms. Went on local 6th form college and is well on the way to some excellent A level results. Probably will go on to Uni. The cost of those four years was well spent and in the long run - he will go on to become a normal citizen, with job paying taxes, etc, a lot less than if he had been unemployable and needing care for the rest of his life.

My GD has just been diagnosed with ADHD. She has just transferred to secondary school and was having difficulties. She is a very intelligent child but has always been 'quirky' Her parents' words, I have always felt she was on the autistic spectrum. Her parents have taken the news badly and have slightly fallen apart. We have offered unconditional support both to them and our GD. Any suggestions as to what more we can do. We live 5 hours drive from them so we think they think we cant't be supportive

One of my granddaughters has autism. It’s different for girls (title of a good book) and she wasn’t diagnosed until she was 11. Diagnosis means school has to provide support, Harrigran.
Her childhood was miserable, misunderstood, badly handled by school, filled with anxiety and fury. Same for her parents and sibling.
She’s nearly grown up now, doing better than we could ever have hoped and much happier but she will never be “normal”

watermeadow Do you have the name of the author of the book you mention ? I have looked for it on Amazon and the only thing that comes up with that title is a book by Jo Brand the blurb says it is about sex and chips so I think it cannot be the one.

I personally think it is a good idea to tell family of a diagnosis. Our DGC is on the spectrum and we would have been more understanding if we had known the reason for some of the things that went on. We would have been kinder and more help. Our DGC is maturing and better able to understand the problems having a diagnosis helps.
If anyone is looking for a book which explains why some autistic children react as they do I would recommend a book called The reason I jump by Naoki Higashida. Written by an autistic person I found it very good.
The family will need lots of support but don't give up helping and trying to understand.

Thank you so much Crafting your reply is much appreciated. I have just ordered The Reason I Jump and I believe there is another book by the same author.
It is all very new to us at the moment and coming soon after my husband’s death, very raw.
Many thanks.?

I had a long conversation with my DS last evening. They are rather overwhelmed by it all. But they seem reluctant to seek help outside the family and from the school in particular. This is strange as the school has been quick to help with GD's problems.
We don't really know what to do next to support them and GD is being very difficult at the moment

BBbevan I don’t know the author, I read it several years ago. May be called just “Different for Girls”.
I tried to help by giving GD a neutral safe place where she knew she could always come when she or her parents needed a break. The meltdowns are just as upsetting for the poor child as for the rest of the family. GD would run off into the night and come to me for quiet gentle cuddles.

Trouble is watermeadow we live 200 miles away ☹️

Schools need to help all children including ones with special needs. BBevan your DS and family are naturally overwhelmed. Ignorance (and I don't mean that in any derogatory way) of a situation frightens people. The more knowledge you acquire about things the easier it is to gain an understanding and seek the right help. When I was told years ago that my DH needed a triple heart bypass I had a complete panic attack. He was going to die, it was really serious and I was totally lost. Over the next few weeks I started reading more and more about his condition, the possible outcomes, what was involved. With the increased knowledge my panic subsided (don't get me wrong I was still afraid but I had found he had a good chance of surviving which he did and is still with me thank God). What I am trying to say is that your DS and family need to research, find out all they can. Get information and help from organisations, others with similar experiences and the school. They will need the school to know to help the school to be aware of the problems your DGD is experiencing and help all they can. I believe things will get better. As children grow up they develop ways of dealing with their problems and cope and understand better.
There are many of us on GN with children and grandchildren with all sorts of special needs. You can always come on here and get help. You would be amazed at how many people on this one forum have been in your situation and will do all they can to help and support you.

crafting Thank you. I totally agree, but my DS and his wife must see the need to take the next step themselves. I worked in schools for a long time and have seen the improvement a good diagnosis and a thing upon it can make. My DGD is ruling the roost a bit at the moment. What with her hormones in disarray (puberty) , the change to a new school and ADHD life is a little difficult in their family.