Will I ever be really happy again

That's hard for you ruthiek but we live and learn don't we?Usually the hard way.
If you make new friends through clubs, WI etc they are unlikely to be bullying in the same way that workforce bullies/cliques work.I have made friends this way and had no problems.Good luck.?

Ruthiek It's a horrible feeling isn't it when someone you were close to let's you down.
Without going into long boring details, I have learned that its not a good idea to get too close to people that you work with.
I can understand how you feel though. Female friends are important to me.
Now that I have retired, although I do keep in touch with a few work colleagues I am looking to join in with local things and looking to connect with people that way.

I think you just have to move on, ruthiek,

You will probably never feel the same sort of 'happiness' you dtd when everything was going right, but take it on the chin and get on with the rest of your life!

Oh you poor poor woman
I think you handled it in the best way anyone could.
I hesitate to tell you that it would not happen again. I presume nothing like that has happened to you before?

I understand you missing your closest friend. I am not sure it is her you miss, as she turned out not to be who you thought she was. But the friendship?

It's the feeling of betrayal that hurts the most isn't it? And that's very hard to get over, but you will, in time. Move on, make new friends and learn from this. Be friendly, but don't invest too much in people; keep a bit of yourself back. And for what it's worth; if your 2 friends were as close to you as you were to them, they have almost certainly reflected back on the events that happened and will also be feeling regretful.

You've not only been betrayed, you're also suffering from the bereavement of loosing your friends. No wonder you feel depressed, but as you say you have a wonderful DH and family who you can trust to help you move on. Be kind to yourself, although you may not be as trusting, you will have fun again and will make new friends.

So very sorry for what has happened to you Ruthiek. They are not worth a second thought and new friends will come along. Maybe you will hold back in some ways now but a lot of us do that after being so badly hurt and let down. Look forward, plan some fun things and trust in yourself and those who love you.

I am sorry to hear what you have been through Ruthiek. To facde such disloyalty after all those years from someone whom you thought you could rely on is like a smack in the face. You have done the right thing I think, but try now not to let it ruin the rest of your life. I think it may be the " friend" who will regret this over time.
You have another Job, Great Husband and Family, this is your foundation, build on it, don't shut other potential friends out for fear of a similar thing happening. The best may be yet to come. I hope so.

I went through almost exactly the same thing, a girl I worked with and whom I thought of as a great friend betrayed me when she wanted the promotion and thought I was more likely to get it (I didn't even want it) she bullied me and showed me in a bad light with the bosses whenever she had the opportunity. She hurt me badly and I ended up with a nervous breakdown and it took me years to recover. I came out stronger, and, eventually I moved on. It was terribly hard, and no, I don't have friends as close any more. But i have learned that I have my family for that tremendous bond. I have good girlfriends but my core hopes and joys are shared with my husband and my close family. Life is good, and although it took me a long time, I believe I came out wiser and the end of it. Hugs to you, it will get better. Make new friends through WI or clubs and look to the future, that would be my advice

RuthieK, I had a similar experience last year although not work related. I think she had a fit of paranoia and just flipped in all honesty. She had been having treatment for a psychiatric disorder. On the surface, she was wonderful but she took something I'd said the wrong way and really went all out to destroy my credibility. The lies were the worst. She also went to other friends and 'got in first' with a highly exaggerated story. As I said, the lies were the worst. In essence, she couldn't do me much damage but like you, I felt bereft because I really valued her as a friend.

But you do learn and looking back, I think I had a lucky escape. It's better to have friends outside of work and you need to choose carefully. I have one good friend that I've known for 25 years. I rarely see her but when I do, it's as though we see each other all the time. I have lots of other friends but I am careful with how much I say.
You will get over your lost friend, time is good healer, it's true. Strike out in a new direction, start being independent and if you're like me, and have a good husband, make him your new best friend.
Get a dog and a cat too. They never let you down.

Chin up! Don't dwell on what's gone. Map out a new race track and get on it. xxxx

Hi I haven't had a close friend in years especially a woman just don't seem to make them I have friends yes but not close and I think that is hard to find not really happy in my marriage either but I guess that's life somethings you can't change you just keep searching

My view was works work but home is home and neither the twaine shall mix. I've worked for over 40 years & it's stood me in good stead

How horrible for you. I had the same at work and how I coped I will never know. It is hard to trust again and there is no advice I can offer on that, sometime you will find that another friendship just creeps up on you. I hope it does.

You must be very hurt by this however try not to let it stop you finding friends again but I will say I have work colleagues who are friends but I don't let them into my life like I do close friends out of work I also feel it's more difficult to make new friends now I am older

I really feel for you- I lost a good friend when she had a breakdown & refused to see any of her old friends & moved away. I was very hurt that she could not trust me enough to let me help her.
I would seriously suggest joining a club with all women to give you some company & broaden your circle of friends. Maybe a reading group or craft group. I joined a W.I. ( which has both of these & so much more)& never looked back. You need to find an evening one with younger members but there are loads of them out there.
Only problem is my DH complains I am never in!

Ruthiek this may sound harsh but no, I don't think you will every feel the same happy again but you will feel just as happy - differently so and with the knowledge of this just a murmur in your mind.

These events have cut into your belief in friendship and feeling of safety at work just as surely as if someone had physically attacked you. You are beginning to heal - you have got another job but, just as someone may appear well from the outside when suffering physically, you are still healing and need to allow yourself to feel that and be kind to yourself. I agree with those who say join groups and would suggest you look on a group of people rather than investing trust in one at the moment.

You will be happy again. It will be different but it will be OK.

I too think its a bad idea to be too close to people you work with but that doesn't help you much now
I have joined the U3a since retirement and have made lots of new friends though I am fortunate enough to have maintained several 'old'friendships too -maybe 3 or 4 of whom are the 'tell anything too and they wont judge'kind Friends of the heart
I have drifted a little from the person whom I would once have called my closest friend Her life is very different from mine and I see her rarely and always because I take the initiative .She is very charismatic and I think I was a bit dazzled by her at one time ..we we are no longer emotionally that close ,though to be fair she made a considerable effort to come to my brother's funeral last year so that is a lot of residual feeling. And I'd be very upset if anything happended to her Other friends have taken her place in my heart though .Odd as I get on very well with her DH and am her son's godmother

So sorry for you. Its a dreadful thing to be bullied and betrayed in adulthood. This happened to me very early on in life, so I was able to adjust my thinking and behaviour regarding people at work. My experiences did take me a long time to deal with and have affected me throughout my life, but I didn't let them rule my thinking and, thankfully, managed to move on.

I have a friend, however, who in every job she has, gets too close to her colleagues and inevitably people turn against her because she becomes too involved, interfering and gossipy. She never learns, but blames everyone else when things go wrong.

Don't let what happened to you dictate. You will be ok. You now know that work is work and you need to protect yourself from potential bullies by keeping your distance.

Good luck with everything.

If you have a wonderful husband and family, can't you have fun with them. I lost my husband of 58 years, have great friends but it's not the same. I sometimes think I will never really laugh again!

I was brought up being told not to totally trust anyone so I tend to have a raft of friends from different activities. I tell different friends about different bits of myself if that makes sense! It does sort of guard against being let down but I think it also means I have missed out on really close friendships. So try to focus on those good years with the friends and not just the nasty way it all ended up.

You only get bullied because you allow it to happen and because you are more concerned with the feelings of others than you are with your own. Workplace friendships are notoriously fickle and it's never easy to get close to anyone in the truest sense. Nor should you because if it goes bad you still have to go and work with that person. So you live and learn from the experience and life goes on.

How awful for you ?
I really don't understand women like that or friends who behave so appallingly.
I have a very small circle of great friends that I really don't see enough as we live opposite ends of the country but when we do catch up its like we saw each other yesterday! The friends I have where I live are nice people but I'll never have the same connection is don't think. Ive known my best friend since we were 4 at nursery!
I really hope you find an interest where you can meet a group of lovely people and leave the nastiness behind you ?

I fel very sorry for you and know how it feels. When I was on maternity leave 25 years ago I returned to work to find a new, lovely and charming woman in my department. It seemed as if we were going to be the best of frinds but, when she discovered I wasn't going to be her poodle, she launched a campaign of lies, tale telling and bullying which went on until I retired in 2013 - and was partly responsible for my going.

At 60 I have no close female friends but a loving and supportive family. I more than make do with this.

I think that when one ages many things which one took for granted fade and disappear. It is a real effort to find perfect happiness and it might be that the unalloyed joys of youth are not possible with wisdom and experience. Still, there are many things to take comfort from: family, nature, health, other sorts of friendships, art, culture and so on. Try to cultivate contentment and focus on the good in your life. You have a good DH and family, for instance. This ghastly woman doesn't hold a candle to that.

ruthiek Yes you will be happy again because, after 25 years of friendship, I now know a lot of it was built on lies. We were a group of four and once retired would make the point of meeting up once a month for our usual laughs, it was so easy to have fun with them. THEN I visited a young work colleague who had just had a baby at her home. She asked me 'had I put my claim in' I said 'what claim' then she proceeded to tell me, What hurt most is the one friend had already started her claim and never us. So I passed the information on to the three and we started our claim. Three years down the line the situation is, the one friend doesn't want to meet up anymore and the other friend after going on holiday with her and her husband I discovered her marriage wasn't what was portrayed. My conclusion is that the friend who walked away couldn't bear to see my life was now comfortable(he was always boasting about his wealth) and the friend I confided in about my ex-husband had exactly the same husband. When the penny dropped that was why she was so wise was because she has someone just like him(cold control freak)I said to her the last time we met 'my life as completely turned around with the groups I have joined and made new friendships.I will never though trust anyone again except my children. When I thought about it after, the fun we had was usually at my expense but I used to say 'I would rather make you laugh than make you cry' At work when I didnt understand a problem I was called S"£$ for brains, so also believed I was thick.My new hobby playing Bridge tells me I never was thick it was poor training. Arrr Karma is wonderful because yes I am happy content and my life is full. Onwards and UpwardsvRuthiek