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granparents and parents 'stuff' siting in boxes

(84 Posts)
litlemisssunshine Tue 23-Jan-18 14:56:53

clearing out for downsizing house move. Boxes and boxes of our parents' and grandparents' old old 'stuff' aside from the emotional 'let go' what on earth do we do with it all? theres the obvious route of charity shops, or sell it, but its such a huge job. what do people do with fondly remembered old English tea sets? have given a lot away to local cafes but still got 3 of them sitting here. also we have old silver some EPNS and some hallmarked, do we sell it...stick it back in the box for our own children to sort through when we are gone !?? HELP!!!!

Jalima1108 Tue 23-Jan-18 23:09:07

I must say I tend to wear silver more often.

negatives of old photos, slides, they’ve all got to go.
Oh no! I just tidied them all up and carefully put them back again

Nelliemoser Tue 23-Jan-18 23:11:43

Having said this I still have a folder of my parents finance stuff etc and they died in 2002 .
I have just recently been rationalising my old bank accounts and lots of paper stuff from old family history notes which is now done on line.
My poor little ASDA shredder is working hard at the moment. It needs to rest frequently. All these paper shreddings will go on the compost heap.

Jalima1108 Tue 23-Jan-18 23:12:06

the best thing you can leave to your children is a tidy estate!

I am going to keep repeating that as I go through the house smile

In fact, DP did do that, DM was a great thrower-out, but can't say the same for DMIL and it is much of her stuff I am sorting through at the moment years later.

paddyann Tue 23-Jan-18 23:56:51

my lovely MIL tells me every time we speak about the masses of stuff in her attic that she's leaving for US to sort when she dies.Its almost as if she's rubbing her wee hands in glee at what we have facing us ..lol I do know she has hardly set foot in it since FIL died nearly 12 years ago and he was a great hoarder of everything .So something to look forward to.We have been clearing stuff for a couple of years as we had hoped to move but the house we wanted was taken off the market AFTER our offer had been accepted ,so we'll continue to throw stuff out and keep looking for another house.Our other issue is we have two businesses with all the usual paperwork etc and 40 odd years of negatives and files from over 4000 weddings ,portraits and commercial work .Reluctant to throw them out just yet as there is always the odd request for family shots from weddings for funerals ...two this week alone and I wouldn't like to let anyone down by not having images to hand .We are hoping to retire next year so maybe we'll bite the bullet and dump everything then

Day6 Wed 24-Jan-18 00:17:05

I sometimes think that it's things like bank statements etc that would be of most interest to future historians when most source material will have disappeared because everything is now on computers

Tegan I feel exactly the same way. I am supposed to be getting rid of excess clutter, but so much has (I feel) historical value. The world is changing so quickly. As someone who enjoys museums I get the feeling there will be no artefacts donated from the times in which we've lived because we all seem so intent on throwing it all away or disposing of it.

I am dreadful when it comes to parting with 'stuff'. Rubbish and tat goes straight in the bin/recycling but I see 'value' in things that are unlikely to be ever made again. I am told off severely by all who know me for having this sentimental attitude. grin I am learning to let go, slowly. Now my children are questioning why I have books and bookcases because I own a Kindle. They have a point.

Tegan2 Wed 24-Jan-18 00:25:21

I think part of my soul goes into a book when I've read it, and vice versa....

cornergran Wed 24-Jan-18 08:36:08

We’ve been through downsizing and the death of our parents. It’s hard, isn’t it? Fairly ruthless in downsizing it now feels manageable. At heart I’m an organised soul, sadly Mr C isn’t.

There was little from parents in law as other family disposed of 90% of it without consultation. Difficult and a very tense time but in the past now. The family things we do have are few, mostly things given to us while ma in law was alive. Our family know what they are, their decision what to do with them.

Loads of photos from my parents. I sorted, made albums for us and our family, handed their albums over and let the rest go other than a small,, labelled, file. Our photo albums are labelled, still use them, so at least they will know what they are.

Have just begun to take photos of the family stuff and the bits and pieces that have meaning for us. Will make a small album of them with notes so our family will at least know what they are looking at. Will do the same with the very few pieces of not valuable family jewellery (from my Mum and grandmother) and the even fewer pieces of mine with value.

Our paperwork is under control and will be as long as Mr C isn’t left to deal with it. There is one (small) box with things like original passports, driving licences from two generations, job references, some pay slips, general interesting paper. Two others (again small) with items my Mum made and personal items from the family. At least gathered together and relatively little.

Done my best to make the future easy at a stressful time. It’s actually given me pleasure to do it.

Christinefrance Wed 24-Jan-18 08:43:24

I don't have sentimental memories invested in 'stuff' I'm quite ruthless at getting rid of things. I keep some things the children and grandchildren made or gave me otherwise it's gone. Paperwork has been whittled down to a minimum. I had to do two house clearances for family members and its not something I want my children to do.

Teetime Wed 24-Jan-18 08:55:50

For me its if in doubt chuck it out - charity shops, charity bags that come through the door, recycling anything but it as to go. I only have photos of my parents nothing else (there wasn't much anyway). I don't hold on to things generally anyway - bit of a minimalist.

Maidmarion Wed 24-Jan-18 09:47:23

Can't bear the words "went to the tip" when things could be reused.... Aggghhhhh!!!! Charity shops are always grateful for things, and think how many thousands of years it's going to take to degrade crockery...!!!!

Persistentdonor Wed 24-Jan-18 09:49:11

You might consider asking the National Trust or English Heritage if they want tea sets, silver, etc. Although they might not use it locally, they may have a niche for it somewhere. e.g. Saltram House near Plymouth have a lovely tea shop where they serve everything in cups and saucers with tea pots!!

Lyndie Wed 24-Jan-18 09:55:03

Car boot sale or antiques fair. It’s fun to do.

Persistentdonor Wed 24-Jan-18 10:00:21

Cornergran: Have just begun to take photos of the family stuff and the bits and pieces that have meaning for us. Will make a small album of them with notes so our family will at least know what they are looking at. Will do the same with the very few pieces of not valuable family jewellery (from my Mum and grandmother) and the even fewer pieces of mine with value.

What a great idea Cornergran, and you have actually started! Hurrah! I told my H yesterday my epitaph could be: "One of the world's great procrastinators... she FINALLY got round to it !!"

frue Wed 24-Jan-18 10:02:28

I did it in tranches. Keep aside what you want/might want. Charity shops for what you're sure you don't want
Then start again

David1968 Wed 24-Jan-18 10:07:10

Recently moved and now living in a (cosy!) static, whilst awaiting a move to our new home. Have de-cluttered SO much stuff. Mostly to charity shops, some via Freecycle and the utter rubbish went to the tip. (DS & family lives abroad so very little went to them.) Here I'm now going through about thirty little "boxes" of slides - at least 50% are being chucked (why did we save so many views and blurry pictures?) and the rest will be put onto a memory stick. by to a specialist shop. We just don't need all this STUFF!

Granash Wed 24-Jan-18 10:11:53

Perhaps we should all read this:
www.amazon.co.uk/Gentle-Art-Swedish-Death-Cleaning/dp/1786891085/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=swedish+death+cleaning&tag=gransnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1516788578&sr=8-1

SussexGirl60 Wed 24-Jan-18 10:13:05

This is such a horrible job...so much so that I’m conscious of my own children having to do the same. That said, I couldn’t get rid of everything. I kept family things like rings, certificates, photos, medals etc. Then I kept items I really liked a lot-there weren’t many-and my children chose a few things-we only kept stuff we liked enough to use. The rest went to charity. That still leaves me with more than a few boxes. The same for inlaws...add in the stuff that we mysteriously moved here years ago, and never unpacked, and that means there’s a lot more for charity/tip. I think it has to be done in stages sometimes though..it’s so painful. Good luck...you can only do what feels right for you.

Saggi Wed 24-Jan-18 10:22:29

If it's stored in chests or boxes then the implication is you (A). you don't need it!
(B). You don't want to look at it
(C). It's one redundant
If you wanted or needed any of it you'd have it within eye-line or reach! It's mostly emotional stuff tethering you. Here's a tip.... Cut of a piece of material from fav garment....or take photos of fav things. Look at them occasionally .... and bin the lot!

Sourcerer48 Wed 24-Jan-18 10:27:29

I try to have a regular clear out and keep 'stuff' to the minimum. My only son lives in NZ and I would hate for him to be faced with clearing mountains once I shuffle off.
Books now, that's a different matter; got the Kindle but still cannot walk past a charity shop without checking out my favourite authors. I'm even running out of window sill space!

Kim19 Wed 24-Jan-18 10:35:07

I'm in this arena too and it's so hard to part with 'stuff'. Having done the awful deed when my Mother died, I vowed I would never inflict this on my children. I'm not doing too badly (but not well enough by far). One method I did adopt was to have someone completely empty and dispose of the contents of my loft whilst I was away. In all these years I have only wondered about two particular items and the result was a shoulder shrug. C'est la vie. At the end of the day 'stuff' usually only evokes memories and we have them anyway. I actually wonder if this hoarding comes under the heading of 'this might be useful to someone someday' since many of us remember days of frugality and hardship. Don't know but it certainly seems to be a common problem on this site.

curlilox Wed 24-Jan-18 10:36:51

When my Mum died I was left with so much stuff. Not just hers, but I found boxes of stuff that had come from both sets of grandparents in the loft. I have been sorting through slowly, reading letters and postcards that are up to 100 years old, and finding out things about the family I never knew! I still haven't finished more than 10 years later, due to a lot of family stuff of various sorts that has happened since my Mum died. I am determined to finish it this year and determined not to leave my children in the same situation.

ReadyMeals Wed 24-Jan-18 10:54:02

I'd be tempted to keep one piece from each set just as a memory thing and give the rest away. I know it disrupts the set a little, but surely after all these years they are not complete anyway? Otherwise make sure it's a mustard pot or gravy boat which is least likely to be missed

Lindylou57 Wed 24-Jan-18 11:08:40

You can sell loads of stuff on Ebay or where I live we have an Age UK shop that will take everything! We also have local to your area 'chat pages' on line for buying and selling items.

Sheilasue Wed 24-Jan-18 11:21:29

Had a clear out when we downsized.
We have loads of photos of family weddings etc.
Have sent some to nieces and nephew of the gps which they were pleased to get, some photos to my sister and brother.

Christinefrance Wed 24-Jan-18 11:23:34

Nobody likes to get rid of books I know, there is a time though when they are past their read by date. We often get donations of books at our voluntary library and some are in dreadful condition, quite unsuitable for a library. People usually excuse this by saying they hate to throw books away -well so do I .