Husband won't help with the garden

Get a gardener and charge it to your joint account end of.
Calculate what your OH spends on his hobby and allocate yourself the same amount. Gardener / facial / manicure etc time for the worm to turn !

As you've always done the garden I would imagine you now know more about gardening than him. He probably wouldn't know where to start and as he has little interest he probably hasn't noticed how bad (you feel) it's getting. I know it's frustrating after all your hard work to have to watch it getting out of control, but next year when you are fit and well again I bet it won't take as long as you imagine to get it back under control. I'm sure you will get a lot of satisfaction once you get it back u der control again and I'm sure you'd rather garden than fish, it's one of your hobbies!

Grandad1943 that is very thoughtful of you, what a good friend.

I must say I am appalled by the many utterly selfish men who seem to feature on Gransnet, so you are a breath of fresh air. I hope you are well-loved for your kindness.

I am so glad I'm a single woman who depends only on her self for everything, inside and outside the house.
Although the landlord does employ a commercial lawn mowing company,all the rest is up to the tenants.

Springblossoms while you are laid up and temporary immobile, start planning an easy-care garden, one you can keep in trim with decreasing mobility and increasing selfishness from that carping , fly old Trout fisherman.

None of us are getting any yonger.

Springblossoms - here you have a selfish husband who is obviously used to you doing all the gardening and thinks this is not part of his responsibility which is why he won't pay for a gardener. If I were you I would let him go out and play golf and when he returns have no meal on the table for him, telling him that you tried to do some weeding and became so exhausted and experienced pain that you had to stop and go for a lie down. You're unable to stand to prepare food while you have a harder time of things keeping the garden under control. See his response. Is it to get a takeaway and how long will that last for, or is it to offer some help one way or another - either way he will have to sort out his own food and once that becomes a regular part of his life his response will tell you whether he's worth staying with. If he can't help you after a hip replacement, he's not going to be any use when you become older.

I cannot kneel down any more as I have two knee replacements after a car accident, and I'm widowed. My once lovely half acre garden, full of borders and shrubs and bedding plants and 2 veg plots is a thing of the past. All the borders have gone, plants went via Freecycle, telling people to bring a spade as I couldn't dig the plants up. Now I have lots of easy to manage pots and troughs on a wider patio, and just a flat lawn which my son cuts with a tractor mower most weeks. 20 minutes, job done. Honestly, it's the best thing I've ever done. Are you EVER going to be able to look after your garden again, or is it time to give up the idea of a pretty garden in favour of a low maintenance practical garden? My patio is full of colour, I've got a lovely hanging basket "tree" for 12 baskets, and more baskets.

DH has never done any gardening. In the first few years of our marriage he cut the lawn but would always procrastinate about doing it so in the end I took over after seriously losing my temper about it one day. I've always done all the gardening in our good sized garden, even quite heavy work, and I do swear about it sometimes and say we'll move to a flat with a balcony for a few pot plants but in reality I love doing the garden. Physically, he can't do any gardening now, even if he wanted to.

Strange, I was talking to my male neighbour who has not long had a knee replacement. He was saying that his garden is "gone very much downhill" as his recovery is very slow going.

His wife does not even mow the grass as she states she cannot use the electric mower due to her being afraid of running over the power leads and she finds bending very painful and tiring at her age.

So, as I have known the couple for almost forty years and we are not doing anything special tomorrow, I said I would take my petrol lawnmower over there and give it a run-around and generally tidy up in the rest of the garden as it is only small.

You see, some of us mem are very human, although you would not know that reading some of the threads on this forum.

I agree with MawB
your garden sounds really lovely Annaram1

I wouldn't let him touch the garden. He'd probably ruin it (as a protest, and to ensure that he's never asked again). Just get a gardener and have cheap meals!

I totally agree I wouldn’t do another thing for him till he helped ?

I have no husband and am too old to do much. My priorities are water for birds and hedgehogs, and picking up dogs' droppings, both which I can do. I also water the pots and struggle to pour fertiliser on the roses when they are growing fast..After that my second priority is pruning trees and bushes. What am I saying? I mean can you reduce your gardening needs to priorities until you are again fit to do the work?

as for hobbies - I'd say match him, pound for pound. In this case, with the cost of a gardener if you prefer.

I love my overgrown garden with its huge trees and bushes, and the pink rosebush which flowers constantly in all weathers. I love my fuchias and sweet Williams. I no longer have a lawn because we covered it with that weed suppressant and on top of that is pea gravel and a lot of large pots full of various plants. I would call my garden a rainforest because of the huge shady yellow magnolia, the giant Christmas tree, the large willow leaf pear, and the big
New Zealand palms through which grows an enormous white wisteria.

My husband does very little in the garden, which as neither of us likes gardening and he does have a bad back is perhaps understandable.

If you can get a temporary gardener, do so. If your husband won't pay some of the gardener's wages out of the money he spends on his hobby, save on the housekeeping (food).

I would however point out that it is unfair that he is using money on his hobby, fishing, and you have apparently none to use on the garden, which may strictly not be your hobby, but it apparently worries you more than your husband if it is left to run wild.

We have a garden, it’s wild and free and does what it wants, every now and then my husband trims it and waters it. If he became incapacitated the garden would have to fend for itself, he knows it and I know it.
Your husband isn’t into gardening, sounds like he never has been so why expect it now. Seems to me there is more going on here than plants and grass.....you seem to resent his hobby. As far as I can see, you have two choices, ignore the wilderness or find someone else to help you

Just say to your husband that you will be getting in a gardener for a short time as you are unable to do it. If it means he has to spend less on his fishing - tough!
I have a relative that spends every spare minute he can fishing literally all over Europe - now he is retired, he can do that. He even takes his grandchildren along with him. Fishing and many other sports become an obsession with some men- I think it goes back to when men went off to the crusades and left their wives behind for years - some of today's men still think they are back there!!

My husband wouldn’t make a cup of tea let alone do the garden. However, he has, in the past, ‘taken charge’ sat giving myself, our son and my stepson orders of what to put where and what to do! Although I have to admit that, with my help, he did fill some hanging baskets one year!

I know this will not help you this year but you will be able to sort things out next year, it is fairly easy to get a garden tidy again after some months of neglect.

I have someone every fortnight to cut the lawns, costs £20 a time, which I think is good value around here. Due to my mobility issues, I also relied on a good friend to help me four times a year to clear the weeds and prune bushes etc but my garden still tended to look a bit wild.

This year though I got the gardening bug again and began to spend just an hour or so at a time clearing the weeds and undergrowth and doing some low level pruning. I sit on a little stool and bought some longer handled tools so I could reach while still sitting down. I stop and rest frequently and only fill my large plastic trug once as even carrying that to the wheely bin is painful.

But my garden looks lovely now and I've added some new plants in the spaces I created by cutting the undergrowth. I've also enjoyed the time out in the garden when I can get away from minor worries.

So, maybe you could try that as soon as you are able - but don't rush it as you don't want to prolong your recovery.

you could have the opposite problem. My husband worked abroad and the week before he came home I spent hours digging, cutting grass and planting plants so that it would be tidy for him coming home. The first day I was at work after his homecoming, i came home to the greeting " well I 've been busy all day. I dug up all the weeds and will get plants tomorrow" when i said these plants had only been in a few days I was told " well I don''t know what's plants and wha'ts weeds"

Agree with Jaininsworth

It's only a temporary measure to get help in. My gardening is extensive as I have polytunnel and raised beds as well as garden around the house. Husband has the rest of our land to maintain but did help but did cut the loads of grass we have.

3 years ago I had hip replacement in the August. As soon as I was allowed to bend more than 90 degrees I was back gardening. The year of the operation I did very little after the op but following year I was back to full time gardening again.

I do a lot of pilates., Can really recommend it to aid your recover. I have a teacher whose used to people coming with hip replacements and knows the correct exercises to do.

Any way , tell him it only a temporary measure - get someone in.

Grannyknot it sounds to me like Springblossoms has tried talking to him already and has achieved nothing.

Can you put an ad in your local paper ' ?
Help in garden required? Even temporary help is better than nothing as you will get stronger and your new hip will give you a new lease of life.Having had both mine replaced can vouch for it .Also don't forget autumn is around the corner your garden will not be as active so don't worry you will catch up.

Springblossom Your post gives me the impression you are married to a thoroughly selfish man who doesn't care a fig for you.

You must have known this for a long time. My goodness, men can be uncaring but you would think when you are recovering from a hip operation there'd be some sympathy!

As for spending all the household joint responsibility money on fishing - words fail me.

If you have tried to talk to him and he remains as cold as the fish he catches, then I have to wonder why you share your life with such a person.
Has he any good points at all?

Get a gardener.
I don’t much like the division of domestic chores into his or her areas anyway. If he is not a gardener, he is not a gardener.
Just as some people insist on DIY - fine if you enjoy it, tough if you don’t.
If we did everything ourselves, there would be less employment for trained and experienced decorators, painters, builders and yes, gardeners.
You personally should not have to fund this, it is a household expense and if something has to give (like his fishing) so be it.

I would not think this is a unique situation in households where many couples have divided roles.

It only becomes a problem when one can't do what they have previously done due to illness or infirmity and the other won't or can't take it on board.

If he can't help out, you need to reach a compromise together, as others have indicated. If you can't it may indicate trouble in the future, you are still relatively young, but these things do happen in our lives.

Good luck, hope it works out.