Missing out

I have a back injury but I've completely changed my attitude to events. I don't even think about missing out, but wonder how I can refuse the invitations and stay at home instead. There's no joy in being in pain without any hope of a lie down.

Anthea1948 - do you have a good rheumatologist and one of the new disease modifiers? Changed my life as a fellow RA sufferer

I wish I had known about the service of dedication when our DSs were born. I was reluctant to commit them to any particular belief system and wanted them to choose what was right for them in due course.

Some form of dedication and giving thanks would have been ideal.

grannyactivist I am so sorry that you are feeling down about not being able to get to significant events. I hope you will be well soon.

Since DH's illness a year ago, we are only just now beginning to get out and about again, although he wasn't up to the march on Saturday.

It may have been disappointing for you as a seasoned activist, but unwittingly you passed the baton to me as I went on my first march, carrying a 'grans for the EU' placard! Yes, I know it was a bit naff, but so many people had asked me to march 'for them' too.

grannyactivist I hope you're feeling better, wish you a speedy recovery and have something to look forward to that you won't have to miss.

I have never been able to find inner peace over a serious “missing out” session that happened 8 years ago? After four years of intense studying , my eldest daughter graduated from university (in another part of the country) on the same night as my youngest had her Prom. I stayed back to help get her dress etc ready and my husband flew to the graduation.. very bittersweet and conflicted moment....??

I'm so sorry you've been ill, Grannyactivist. My life changed completely when I developed rheumatoid arthritis in my 50s. I was looking forward to doing so much when my husband and I retired and it all went to pot. I had to give up so many hopes and dreams, but in the end I learned to be glad for all the things I could still do and I found new hobbies that I could manage. I still miss long walks though, and line dancing, which I loved.

Is a dedication a bit like a confirmation?
I'm very pleased you were able to see it via a video. Yes I agree technology can be great and it's much easier these days to join in things even if it is just virtually.
I hope you feel better soon granny activist

Thank you for those kind words Dragonfly46
I am sure your chemotherapy will be just fine as everyone has different treatments and react differently.

Daisyboots so sorry to hear that - I hope your treatment is successful and you can catch up with the family later.

I am so pleased that you went through your chemotherapy and radiotherapy so well Suki70

Like grannyactivist I am unable to attend many things at the moment but mine is due to chemotherapy for grade 4 metatastic breast cancer which has really laid me low. It was quite aggressive treatment weekly over 12 weeks and seven weeks later I am still suffering with nausea. Three of my children and their spouses have their birthdays in November so I usually fly to England to visit then. This year I am waiting for radiotherapy so cant make any plans not that I really feel well enough to fly. But must keep positive.

I missed my grandma’s funeral, missed a christening and four of my own birthdays, two of my mom’s.
A variety of medical problems has caused multiple emergency visits and surgery.

It’s a long lonely road to recovery for those of you who can.
Good luck to all receiving treatment and those recovering xx

Sorry that you’re unwell and unable to do things. I hope things improve so that you can start getting involved again. To answer your question there’s really only one thing I regret missing out on which, sadly, was my sisters funeral. I was giving birth at the time!

Thank you Suki70 I just do not know what to expect at the moment but at no time yet have I felt ill - maybe a little sore after the op but apart from that everyone says I look really well so as I am very positive I expect that to continue.

GA that is wonderful that you were still there in spirit and could watch the proceedings. I think it is the fear of being forgotten as much as missing out and you certainly weren't forgotten.

What a nice encouraging thought Suki70 for everyone going thro their chemo and cancer treatments.

Thank you Lemon.

A dedication is usually a church ceremony in which parents (and often other family members), and the church 'family' (congregation), thank God for the child and make a commitment to raise that child according to the Christian faith until the child is of an age to make a decision of their own to follow God (or not). The parents do not make vows on behalf of the children.

Infant Christening (baptism) is more widely practiced and uses oil and water as signs and symbols. The oil is used to make the sign of the cross, as a mark that the baby now 'belongs' to God and the water is the symbol of a child's 'new life' as part of God's family. Parents and Godparents make statements on behalf of the child about turning from sin to repentance.

My older two children were Christened, but by the time the third child came along I had done a lot more studying so I chose to have my younger three dedicated. My daughter has followed the same path with her own children in spite of attending an Anglican church where infant 'Christening' is the norm. (She herself was baptised by me when she was in her early twenties.)

Get well soon Grannyactivist?
What’s a dedication service btw?
Attending public events when not fully well is always a mistake ( I know, as I have done it.)

What an encouraging post Suki70 - I do hope dragonfly46 has a similar positive experience.

dragonfly46 Please don't assume you will be out of action whilst having your chemo and radiotherapy. From the end of January 2011 I had chemo once a month for four months. Two days after each chemo infusion I would start to feel unwell (but by no means incapacitated ) and this would last for three days. After that I'd be fine and able to carry out all my usual activities, shopping, dance lesson, Italian lesson, coffee and meals out with DH and friends. There is just a short period when you have to avoid any chance of infection.
After a short break I had radiotherapy which meant an hour's journey by train, underground and a walk to the hospital in Central London, every week day for a month. Throughout I felt fine and came to enjoy my commute, spot of retail therapy and cafe lunch.
During my treatment there were two events for me to look forward to - a friend's wedding in Italy in July and my son's wedding in September. Having something to look forward to and plan for was important, as were the regular treats I gave myself. I hope all goes well for you, that the time passes quickly and you don't miss out on anything.

GA Your presence in spirit will no doubt have been felt by everyone at the Dedication and well done to your DD for banning you from the service and looking after your health.

UPDATE:
The Wonderful Man has just got home and he has filmed the part of the service that included the Dedication for me.

We live in privileged times don't we? To be able to 'take part' in the service, albeit vicariously, is quite lovely - and I'm now marvelling at modern technology instead of feeling miffed.

Dragonfly you do so well and being positive as you are in adversity you have my total admiration. x

The most important thing is your own health and welfare while allowing any future plans etc. to pale into insignificance for the time being until you feel well enough and up to the mark without any fears of a setback which would mar any occasion in which you thought you'd have managed at the time.

You really do have to choose your time after illness and it doesn't always fit in with plans that are already in place. I think a lot of us don't feel the same from one day to the next where there are ongoing health problems and it can/does interfere with our lives at times, causing frustration that the good days aren't as consistent as we'd like them to be.

I get frustrated but not as bad as I once did, knowing in myself that a long-haul flight to see my family is out of the question now so being resigned to that has taken a long time to accept. I'd have felt worse if any of the GC out there had had a child/children as up to now between 2 GS's and 1 GD they haven't produced a GC for their parents or a GGC for me, yet.

Yes, I have been in this situation but cannot explain on here. I sympathise and understand how you feel.

I too have empathy with you - I am facing 6 months of chemo then 4 weeks of radiotherapy so will be out of action until June. I think even Christmas will be on hold this year as I cannot predict how I will feel.
I am a positive person, however, so will plan a holiday when this is all over.