Youngest daughter...and her mental health...

@Bikerhiker...I will definitely say this! Thanks x

@Lightening..Yes you are right, there’s always ‘one’...where I work there’s more than one..that’s the trouble, but I’m developing thick skin, thanks for your helpful reply x

Knickas63...Thank you so much for your kind reply. Your words have helped me so very much. I knew amongst these replies there would be some people who would have first hand experience, and you are one of them, thank you again x

But the daughter has a mental illness

I wonder why this throw-away statement means so much.... perhaps you’re worried that your daughter is just drifting through her life without any aims on the work front, any expectations of herself.Have you any expectations of her, apart from living at home.... jobless... and holidaying with you. Quite reasonable now.... but 5 years time it might look different!! Perhaps this throwaway from work colleagues, has made YOU think more than you realise . Only a thought.... mine was off and out there doing her own thing at 19and my son at 18.... so can’t comment really on stay at home kids! Enjoy your time with her...

I think the same as MOnica, my elder daughter suffered a mental illness , impossible to have kept it in the family, didn’t want to anyway.

Someone kindly said ‘your daughter is lucky to have such support from you’, I just said ‘I am the lucky one to have such a lovely daughter’.

I think the OP is defensive about her daughter's mental problems and automatically assumes that anyone who says anything to her is trying to put her and her daughter down. Hence the title of this thread Youngest daughter and her mental health when actually the thread has little or nothing to do with her daughter's mental health and is all about a casual throwaway remark someone at work made, which she has interpreted as a nasty digging sneer about her daughter.

Why someone casually saying 'Lucky girl' when a colleague says they took their daughter on holiday with them should be interpreted as a nasty cutting remark made with malice afore thought aimed at the OP's mentally ill daughter defeats me. It is a casual throwaway remark that anyone may make on being told someone had a nice treat or stroke of good luck I won some ferry tickets on GN, I am sure at least one person I told about it will have said 'Lucky you'. It means nothing, a mere comment on something nice.

What is more concerning is that the OP seems to be so ashamed and troubled by her daughters mental problems that she is assuming everyone is getting at her about it all the time and that this casual remark was anything other than a casual remark. Why?

Yet again OP has not returned to respond to our replies.
If it was just a rant, fair enough, but I cannot be alone in wondering why.

As I said up-thread, we go away on holiday every year with our adult children and their families. Until this year Jennyluck my two sons aged 27 and 29 also went away with their dad for an additional holiday; they share a passion for activities like cycling, water-sports etc. and they all enjoy being together. Now that both my sons are parents to young children they don't like being away for too long, so they still go off on adventures with their dad, but the trips away are shorter nowadays.

It always amazes me why young adults want to go on holiday with their parents???
When I was about 18 (a long time ago), I started to go on holiday with friends, and I think it was one of the best times in my life.
But these days things have changed, parents seem to pay for adult children t o go on holiday with them. It seems the norm.

Our daughter decided at 24 to retrain as a high school teacher. She had been living abroad for a couple of years since finishing her degree. It made sense to move back home as she retrained locally. That year, as she was ostensibly a student, she joined us on holiday, a week in Provence and a week in the Languedoc. We had a brilliant fortnight, our daughter had a much needed break (free)….and everyone was happy. We have had our children visit us in our place in the Languedoc and literally come out with no money......and have returned a week later having spent no money.... we can afford it, they are busy doing up their homes and working hard.... we enjoy it, they enjoy it. Honestly, what each of us chooses to do and what we are happy to do with our children is entirely up to us, our friends do the same, I don't see a problem.

“There is always one” in any place of work that, for what ever reason of their own, takes it upon themselves to make unhelpful judgements/ comments about other colleagues. You won’t have been the first to experience this sort of thing and will probably not be the last.
You have every right to conduct your family affairs outside of work as you see fit, and as my grandma used to say “when they are talking about me they are leaving somebody else alone, and it won’t last.”

It's perfectly normal for a 20 yr old DD to come on hol with you, especially if she's single. My understanding is that offspring continue to holiday with parents for as long a possible if it's paid for!! (I certainly did).

Both my Granddaughters go on holiday with their parents and younger brother.
They are 21 and taking their Masters and even though they both have part time jobs, 10 hours a week waitressing, they are obviously subsidized by their parents and me to some extent.
No-one thinks that going away with parents at their age is odd, basically because it's pretty normal.
I think the "lucky girl" comment, was just something to say.

I don’t get the issue here? Both my older two (19 and 21) came with us recently - son bought gf too.
I don’t get what the issue is?

It is natural to feel responsible and protective for your vulnerable child whatever the age. You also do not need to explain your reasons to anyone.
Peace of mind time with your daughter is precious. Tell them 'yes lucky her and lucky us'.

Many of us enjoy treating our ACs and GCs to shared holidays. I like to think I would have replied something like "We are lucky she still wants to come away with us, we're making the most of it while she still does."
It isn't really any of their business but some people discuss their family matters openly and don't understand those who prefer to be more reticent.

I have been where you are. Both my daughters have had MH issues. the eldest mild Aspergers and severe Anxiety. At one point we were at our wits end and didn't know where to turn. She was reclusive outside the house and angry inside. Fight, Flight or Freeze! She is now 31, married with childrn of her own and doing fine with anxiety medication - but people didn't understand her and judged. The youngest has suffered since she was about 15 with dark moods, depression and suicidal thoughts. Hormones aggravate it. She was also impulsive, and has now, finally, been diagnosed with a mild form of Bipolar at 24. She has a beautiful daughter, is a great mum and now runs her own business - having realised that trying to fit in to someone else's timetable was not beneficial to her. She was labelled, lazy, spoilt, crazy. She is none of those things, and is now doing well. You know your daughter better that anyone. It is difficult when you want to defend her. Rest assured, there are others out there who understand. If she needs you, she needs you - no one else's business.

I think most people have enough of their own issues going on to be the least bit worried about your daughter, the holiday, or anything much, beyond a vague few snippets they've remembered.

I'm sure it is a throwaway comment; not meant to hurt or pry in any way.

GrannyorNanny it's true that many young people can't wait to spread theirs wings and have a holiday away from the eye of mum & dad. Truth is it's often not as wild or glamourous as they imagine! I know six families where the 19/20 year old member has been a happy and willing member of their holiday group and they wouldn't have it any other way. I wasn't there so don't know how your work colleague spoke but we both know there's always that one person at work who speaks before engaging brain. I hope your holiday was wonderful for all of you.

Why shouldn't you take your daughter on holiday, whatever the state of her mental health?
Some people just can't help being spiteful - just leave them to it - it's none of their business who why, where or how you have a holiday !

We often go away with AC. I wonder if perhaps you are being a tad over sensitive about the issue? She is lucky to have parents that care and not everyone does. Apart from that no one else should care who pays for what. Ignore it.

sounds like they are not busy enough at work. just ignore.
but is there a hint that you feel awkward about you dd having problems and therefore being less independent. ie is it a touchy subject for you. either way that's your issue but some underlying attitude may be making things harder for you.
just rise above comments from people who are not central to your life. we don't choose our co-workers. suggest you don't engage in small talk, just enough to be polite, nothing personal. keep your head down, be busy, pre-occupied. if someone makes appointed remark pick the phone up saying I must make this call now.
good luck.

Where does her mental health come into it,
A little more clarity would be good.

You must work with very strange people.

Why would anyone even comment?