Husband, old before his time!!

That's really hard Saggi I feel for you, I hope you get out and about with friends and family. Sometimes we just have to get on with our lives regardless of our partner's choices.

Tets68, have you sat down with your OH to have a serious talk about this issue, if it's worrying you? (IMO honest and reasoned communication is crucial in any relationship.) Perhaps you could plan something special & enjoyable to do together, like a holiday?

Saggi my DH had stroke in 2018 and was making a reasonable recovery until Covid lockdown and the onset of Shingles - but I had noticed he was a bit of an 'old woman' before the his illness. He was the life and soul of the party, eloquent and charming. Now anxious and unable to get his words out. He will be 84 this year. How I miss the old DH.

Ohhh dear !!! By the way . Welcome ?

If anyone has changes as they've got older I would say its ME....haha oooops and my husband is 10 years older than me BUT BUT IN MY DEFENCE, mine is through illness.

My DH is in late 60s and has recently passed his motorbike test, wow, what an achievement ☆☆☆☆ so in my case ( or HIS case ) I can't put my hand up and say "Mine too", maybe because the past 2 years have squashed EVERYONE'S get-up-and-go and he is still stuck in that mindset !

Good grief, I’ve just seen a clip of Diana Ross on television. Oh my goodness, she’s awful, can’t sing in tune at all. Yet another reason why we don’t watch Glastonbury. Why doesn’t she just give up the limelight and let the younger ones take over. She’s had it! We’re now about to watch Spiral on iPlayer.

Although divorced for over 20 years I still get on well with my ex at family events etc. He has, however turned into a grumpy old sod, can’t seem to see the funny side of anything and is pessimistic about everything. Good job he became my ex when he did- I don’t know if I’d have the energy for it now but would be living a very gloomy life

OP you say your DH goes running and walking locally so he's keeping himself fit . You get plenty of space to meet up with friends . Is there a hobby you could persue together ? U3A is very good . There's no benefit in comparing your DH to others really is there ? But otherwise just enjoy your time with friends and appreciate that you arent stuck together all the time.

I'm 56 and husband 66, at 60 he said that was it. We haven't been abroad since, meals out take weeks of nagging, no sex, nothing.

I thought we'd be together forever...now I wonder if we will...I don't have girlfriends as we always did things together. Worst bit his Mum and Dad and Grandparents all lived to high 80s and early 90s, we may have another 20-30 years of misery.

Mine got like this mid 30’s but I was too busy with the children to take much notice. Once I realised I tried to motivate him but he didn’t want to change so he is now ex! My now DH has multiple health issues but is usually up for anything that he can physically cope with.

My DH is over 60, pretty active, very sociable... and like others we stayed up to watch 80 year old Macca on Sat too.
Could your husband be suffering with depression? Socialising less, not going out and losing interest in stuff could all be indicators of this ...

Has his behaviour change markedly? Not just Covid or mild health issues but personality changes too? If he has changed from his younger self this could indicate some of the signs leading up to dementia or it could just be depression. Keep an eye on it then talk to him to find out if he'd noticed any changes in his feelings and outlook, he might be pleased to have the opportunity to discuss things that might be getting him down.

Tets68 mine is like this too. I’m sorry you’re getting a slew of replies from grans who can’t wait to say how young and active their DH’s are - it can’t be any help at all. I have 5 very close friend , of 30 odd yrs duration and 4 of us have noticed a change in our husbands like you. Apart from my husband all seem pretty healthy but more grumpy and less out going. Mine has health issues but to be honest was like this before. We just enjoy life and f they don’t join in so be it. I hope you find ways to enjoy your life ?

winterwhite - I think that's my husband you've got there!! Mine's a little older and behaves the same. He doesn't get away with missing the gcs' school concerts, celebrations, however, but will happily wear the same pants day in, day out and has to be told when to change. Lockdown definitely did nothing to help, simply legitimised the wishes of an old academic to remain in his ivory tower!

Saggi

My husband had stroke at 50…. since then it’s wall to wall tv …no socialising…. no trips ….!no holidays no lunch out…. no walking up road togetheras he refuses to be seen as ‘less than perfect’ . His work/ Play/ life and wife disappeared to be replaced with tv/tv/nurse/doctor/ housekeeper! All these roles fulfilled by me…..that’s 26 years now. Talking to the wrong person here!
All I can say is ditch the miserable git before its too late.

So sorry to hear this.

Thinking about this again, unless this has always been the case it does look like lockdown may have had an affect on your DH, maybe not depression but possibly just got settled in a routine which suits him. If this really bothers you best to do something about it now. Start with a chat. You say you aren't a gran yet, are your children still at home?

My OH watches all the antique and many of the quiz programmes or to be more precise he falls asleep watching them so they get repeated 2 or 3 times in a day. He has a big veg garden which means watering every day so no summer holidays, I go away with a friend. We have no neighbours and no friends or family living nearby. He will go to the supermarket. 2 or 3 times a week If we go out for a day he will ask me where I want to go and then we end up somewhere else. and stay within sight of the car
If I make a comment about the news I am always wrong and he will give another interpretation (Black is white.)
I can't walk nearby as it is all uphill and I need flat walking.
I can sympathise with other gransnetters who feel trapped and bored and I would add lonely. I once said to the ONS covid tester that he was the highlight of my month. He was rather shocked that he was the only person I talked to in a month.

Maddyone I didn’t particularly want to watch Glastonbury, but when I went into the kitchen to make a cuppa I put the radio on, which is something I always do, and Paul McCartney was on and I could only listen to 2 minutes of it before switching off as he was so awful. So all these people saying how wonderful he was in it must have something wrong with their ears. Maybe if I had left it on longer he might have got a few bits right, but I just switched off. I was only out there for five minutes anyway. Don’t get me wrong, I liked the Beatles and went to see them when I was 12 in Walthamstow, and I’d like to remember them when they were good, not when one of them is determined to carry on regardless. Yes I know he’s a billionaire and can do what he wants etc. and gives loads of money to charity, but there was no way I was going to watch him at Glastonbury.

Yes

Tets68 I know what you mean. We are both on our second marriage and after 24 years of marriage, I do see a difference between us, although to be fair he does have a few health issues. I have just got back from seeing the Rolling Stones in Hyde Park with a girlfriend and had a wonderful time. DH is perfectly happy for me to go. Later in the year I am going to the Abba The Voyage concert with DD. I just do the things I want to and then tell him all about it upon my return. We still get on well but I feel younger than him even though we are the same age at 71. Mind you, when I see Mick Jagger perform for two and a half hours at almost 79, it makes you think!

As you get older, the time in front of you becomes less and less than the time passed. So my motto is Adventure before Dementia. My mother and aunts had Alzheimer’s so I am determined to make the most of my time even if it means that I do it alone, my DH also behaves as if he is too old when he is only 64. He seems to deliberately take on the role of a far more elderly person than he actually is. He says he is tired all the time so I am saying see the Doctor. He sleeps 8/9 hours a night and has naps during the day, still works part time though. But it’s that state of mind he has, as if this is it now. Well it’s not for me, I am just beginning and want to do so much before I am unable to. My advice is, do what you want to, even if it means doing it by yourself. Life is short and precious..

My DH isn't sociable and has a dodgy heart, well controlled with medication.
He doesn't like holidays, having travelled widely oversea for work. He likes sport on TV which is fine as I can do other things.
His most annoying habit is listening to all the grumpy presenters and callers on LBC, which I loathe. It makes car journeys really dreary.
But we've been together for over 50 years, he's a kind man with a sense of humour that knits with mine and I don't mind him being every day of his 75 years.

My ex was old in his late thirties/forties. Liked to go for a drink with friends on certain nights. Liked to be by himself in the garage messing about with a motor bike he rarely actually rode. Lots of talk about the ‘adventures’ he’d had when younger, lots of talk about what he’d like to do ( if he had the money!). No enjoying the day, holidays, making fun plans, doing things together! Mind numbing. Still the same now- all talk no action! So glad we parted as it was making me old and miserable too!

My OH still works, he's 61. I'm 72 and disabled. I also enjoyed Glastonbury but am I bit worried if I go into a care home and they expect me to sing along to Vera Lynn, Max Byraves etc.

I've just read this whole thread through and it is absolutely hilarious!

I think COVID and Lockdown have changed a lot of people. DH and I are mid 70’s and involved in community organisations but often now we can’t somehow find enthusiasm for going out for a meal or a drink or theatre or concerts. Hoping this will improve! But we need to motivate ourselves.