Husband, old before his time!!

Did he work from home (WFH) prior to pandemic? I worked in a very busy noisy environment prior to lockdown but WFH since. The pandemic has had a massive impact on mental health and well-being and although introverts appear to have coped well with lockdowns and the consequences of limiting social contact some are finding the return to normality very difficult. I myself feel very anxious about being amongst people and particularly driving to busy places again. I feel extremely overwhelmed after the few occasions I have returned to the office and large social gatherings. It’s as if lockdowns accelerated the transaction to a quieter life that some people find themselves in when they retire and spend more time at home. I hope you both find a happy balance going forward.

They aren't all like your OH, previous comments prove that. My OH would really have liked to go to the Ramstein concert in Coventry yesterday but couldn't get tickets. He's approaching 70 and has a heavy metal music collection second to none.

My DH was more sociable than me. However as he was deaf I think I became reluctant to go out as I had to be involved in all his conversations which at times was exhausting. I still am reluctant to socialise. I watched Glastonbury, did not enjoy Macca or Diana, both seemed off key a lot of the time.

Tets68

I have just joined this website. I am not a gran, but I am over 50, mhh th husband is too but blimey what an old man he has become!!
He doesn’t want to go out, works from home, runs and walks, but only locally. It is such a struggle to get him to eat out, drink at the pub etc. I have resorted to going out with girlfriends most of the time, he is happy for me to do this.
Is this what happens to Men in their 50’s?
He has turned into his elderly Father!!

Had to do a double check to make sure this post wasn’t sent by me! ?my OH has always been anti social, but it’s worse now he’s older

M0nica

We are in our late 70s and prefer classical music to Glastonbury. Even in the 1960s, pop music was something you listened to on the radio.

Anyway, last night DH was 30 miles away as Music Director for an Opera group he belongs to, still works, and until 2 years regularly travelled round Europe on business.

At home, he is pottering round the house all the time, doing small DIY jobs, he has had to reduce his imput since his heart attack. We enjoy sight seeing holidays and regularly travelling abroad.

I think the OP is unfortunate in her DH's behaviour. Is he depressed?

Oh that’s nice! Someone else who likes opera. My husband taught our daughter singing up until she got into the RCM and now she’s busy working towards auditions for opera schools snd young artist programmes.

Thank your lucky ⭐️⭐️⭐️ That he’s happy for you to go out with friends. How awful if you had to adapt to his way of ‘enjoying’ himself.

My husband barely knows what Glastonbury is! But I agree it doesn't help the original poster to say that our OHs are not old men. I think hers might not be old before his time but that in his maturity is getting more fixed in his ways. They should talk about it.

Due to a multitude of health problems husband has turned into a miserable, grumpy old man. I do sympathise with his difficulties but at times it gets me down as most of my suggestions as to how we could make life better are turned down.

Tets68, I feel for you. You should have a sit down with your DH and a long chat regarding your expectations as you age. It sounds like you compromise more than he does. If you come to an agreement where you go out to a restaurant once a month, or have a small dinner party at yours he can mentally gear himself up for it, even if it is just to make you happy.

My issue is a bit different in that while we are both 60, my DH has more physical issues than me. Bad back, achy hips, and sketchy knees. Also he had a bypass 7 years ago, so I am always a bit worried about his heart health. He takes really good care of himself by eating well and exercising, so doing everything he should.

But... don't want to give up skiing, kayaking and other more physical activities. The last few years he has come once or twice, but he really pays for it afterwards. None of my friends do those activities and they are not the sort of things to do on my own. We don't have a paddle club in town to join, so that's not really an option. I don't want to make him feel bad by asking him to do things he's not really capable of any more, so it's just left me a bit sad about that, but also very grateful that he is still here with me.

I guess aging together can have its challenges, and we all have to make compromises. There is also this wonderful site to air our gripes and hear from others. I hope you can convince hem to get out a bit more!

Yes, this seems to happen to a lot of people, both men and women, as they age.

Like you I think it is to early to become "so old" in your fifties.

I am 70 and DH 66 and we have the problem too. My advice is to try and find activities that he wants to do outside your home. It has taken two years, but finally DH has started exercising and trying to get back to being fit and out-going again, so don't give up now.

Obviously going out for a meal is not one of the things your husband enjoys, but could you not go walking or running with him? Or find something else you could enjoy doing together?

Do you work from home too tets68? Are you are out at work & he’s home all day? You say he exercises. Is he keeping fit cos he’s seeing someone else ? Sorry to say this but just another perspective. My husband of 28 years left me last year after I found out he was having an affair in the day time . He stopped wanting to go out anywhere socially with me but kept himself fit like your man .

Seems to me watching an elderly past-it rocker on TV is not necessarily a sign of being young at heart!