Rude Grandchildren

VS is spot on! They are still so small.

Baffling to me why adults continue to expect adult maturity and behavior from small children.

I guess it depends on what you mean by controlling them.

If I watch my GChildren, we do one task (play) at a time, then tidy. For example, the colouring books don't come out until the blocks are picked up. If they want the cars, then the toy food gets put in the basket first.

I give them plenty of warning when we are going to switch tasks, so as not to pull them away from something when they are not ready.

Mine are a bit older now, ranging from 8 to 4, but I do remember the challenges of 3 year olds wanting to do their own thing. Part of it is letting them know your expectations. I never allowed jumping on furniture; it they felt the need to jump, then we put shoes on and went out to the yard, etc.

If they had a melt down, then they were placed on the floor in our spare bedroom to cry and kick, and told to come out when they were ready.

I’m not sure I understand what the behaviour you see as naughty is. Or what’s led you to your wits end. You say mostly they’re good boys and you look after them a couple of times a week. Is that after school/nursery? If so, it’s easy to set a routine for that period of time. Children thrive on (flexible) routines. Ours know it’s in from school/nursery, drink and snack at the table, or in front of the tv. May play in the garden or have a walk, then tea and mum or dad will be arriving soon. We fit in drawing and colouring or stories, hiding things in the garden to find. Being busy or crashed out watching cartoons help avoid getting too giddy and winding into scraps I find

I think the problem is the mother if she doesn’t reprimand them for anything they will push boundaries, they all try it, give us some examples of what things they do chantilly,

I always make sure I’m a bit frightening to small children, it has worked well ??

Scary grannie ?
I introduced grannies rules when my 3 and 5 year old grandsons candy down three times after being put to bed. Next ring they had a sleep over, I tucked the 3 year old into bed and asked if he could remember grannies rules. Yes he said, bath, clean teeth, story then you stay in bed till morning. ?
His mum tried to introduce grannies rules ……

I feel very lucky - I don't see my grandchildren that often, but when I do they are very kind and polite and if there is any cheeky chat that my daughter hears, she is quick to say "Don't talk to your grandmother in that tone!". As I say, I'm very lucky.

Excellent tactics!

If this is happening when they are at yours, I think you are justified in trying to control them.

At 3 and 5 the best way to go may well still be to try distracting their attention.

If that does not work,, try saying firmly but in a normal tone of voice, "That's enough. "

Have you discussed what you see as naughty, bad, or disrespectful behaviour with your daughter?

I would ask her what her rules are - if she just ignores their behaviour, it might be because she knows this is the quickest way of getting better behaviour.

If not, and she either is not bothered or sees nothing wrong with what they are doing, you will either have to put up with the children's maughtiness, or set you own boundaries.

If you chose the latter course, do try quietly and non-critically t0 discuss it with your daughter first.

Children as young as this can learn that Grammie's rules in Grannie's house are different to Mummy's rules at home.

You sound like you want to control their Mum and her rules for her children. Not a good idea if the children are too much for you don't have them. Just relax a bit and enjoy them if you can.

My dd and dil both suprised me by telling me that when my grandchildren were younger and misbehaving at home they just had to say "I wonder what Granny would think if she saw you behaving like that". Those words apparently went a long way to restoring good behavior very quickly .
the grandchildren all know that I adore them but in my house we do pay attention to table manners and the sort of conversations that are appropriate at the dining-table, absolutely no silly toilet humour. Beyond that pretty much total freedom.

As a ex childminder and looked after quite a few children. My advice would be my house my rules. Even in front of the parents yes not your children but it is your home. Children need boundaries. My step grandson was like that when first met him and when I noticed his mum saying nothing and me giving my son the look lol. I then got him to sit on step and explain to them why. I never said anything to him at first but I used to dread him coming Now I just have to look at him. My son now as a child with his mum and as my son said he’s not going to let him be disrespectful and he isn’t he’s 3yrs old and he knows his boundaries yes he acts up at times but he’s a toddler. Children need to know different between right and wrong. In all my years as a child minder I never had a parent tell me I was wrong in fact it was other way lol. When at school teachers do same thing do they not.

www.amazon.co.uk/Beyond-Toddlerdom-Keeping-twelve-year-olds/dp/0091816246/ref=sr_1_11?s=books&crid=1WKVHZPJ2H0DQ&keywords=toddler+taming+CHRISTOPHER+GREEN&sprefix=toddler+taming+christopher+green%2Cstripbooks%2C60&tag=gransnetforum-21&qid=1656935285&sr=1-11 I can recommend this one: easy to read and common sense from an Ozzie paediatrician and granddad. Health Visitors used to hand these out to parents and grandparents where I worked (as a speech & language therapist). Also - "your house, your rules". I used to apply this in my clinic, and kids very quickly understand the difference in context, as teachers know.

If they've been at nursery they may well be in need of letting off steam, but that doesn't mean that they should be allowed to be naughty.

I would suggest introducing something that gets them to use up some energy when they first get to your house - a game of football in the garden or whatever is suitable.

I'd also suggest limiting rules to one or two most important ones and thinking out the best way to encourage those - you know the children and your circumstances best. An example would be no television until things were cleared away.

I once taught a class which was, initially, horrendous. They played up and didn't do their work. I introduced a system whereby the ones who had finished their work were lined up before the bell rang and were ready to go out for break as soo as it did. Those who'd worked but hadn't finished were told to pack up and go once the bell had rung. Those who'd been messing about stayed in for an extra few minutes. I had to be consistent, but within a short period of time they were fine and were a lovely group of children - even one of the naughtiest turned out to be a character in the nicest way.

A system, consistency and patience - good luck!

Your house so you are entitled to have rules. Just as school has rules (assuming the 5yonhas started). I've tried the " we do or don't do (whatever) in my house" on visiting children. They've given me looks that could kill but have complied.
Eg we "we sit down for drinks and snacks in my house please" followed up with " we don't walk round with drinks" etc if needed.

Any chance of giving us some actual examples?
Perhaps a situation might arise where you say "stop jumping on the furniture" and they say "no, mummy let's us jump on furniture" and they continue jumping.
Or if you've been outside to play and you ask them to take their muddy shoes off and they flatly refuse and run across your new carpet laughing because you can't catch them?
Are they being deliberately naughty or do they think their behaviour is funny?
Do they have tantrums like lying on the floor kicking their heels?
Do they misbehave when eating, throw food, tip salt on each other's plates?
Do they refuse to put their toys away?
I'm not sure exactly what you're dealing with.

This might be worth reading
www.rch.org.au/kidsinfo/fact_sheets/Challenging_behaviour_toddlers_and_young_children/#:~:text=Signs%20and%20symptoms%20of%20challenging%20behaviour&text=fussiness%20(e.g.%20refusal%20to%20eat,tantrums.
Its Australian, but relevant.

Move on and leave them to it. I speak from several years of experience. However much you try you’ll not change it. Or them. It really is up to the parents. Unfortunately as grand parents we imagine we can influence what they do and think and choose. The truth is we cannot. In the main. It’s hard to accept but their lives are just so separate from ours. The only solution is to stop being delusional and accept it. Is my advice.

Chantilly - I think the clue is in the word 'childminders' which makes me think you are doing your DD a favour. I know you won't want to find yourself in a position where she removes the children from you but I think there's probably leeway for you to use the phrase "Look we love helping you out with the children, but we do need for our house rules to be respected in the same way that you want to be able to control what goes in yours" - this may drop the hint that you are doing a favour, and that DD must do something to make that easier for you. Of course it may be that your expectations of the behaviour of small children are a little outdated and maybe if you take them to play groups/library gatherings etc., where you could observe them with others, you might get an idea as to whether they're all pretty much the same or whether your gcs are indeed cheeky and rude. Good luck.

In your house, your rules if they disobey or talk back deny treats until they behave themselves

My house my rules. Yes you can do that at home if Mum let's you but here you can't. Bring in school if applicable. School rules mum's rules, my rules. Kids will always test the boundaries. They need boundaries.

I think this is a regular poster who uses different names and always posts on the subject of disrespectful grandchildren.

I had one particularly belligerent grandson that I used to look after one day a week.

I would greet him at the door, happy and smiley, and the morning would start well. But when the rudeness and disobedience surfaced, which it inevitably did, I would busy myself with household chores and become deaf to all he said (whilst keeping a safety eye open).

When he had run out of steam and stopped calling me names or jumping on the furniture, I would "suddenly" recognise he was there and offer another fun activity, or a drink and a snack.

He soon learned that he only got the good stuff out of me when he wasn't misbehaving. Children love attention, even if it's bad attention, and you'll never be able to change their ways if they're allowed to get away with it at home. And they will not enjoy being with a grandparent who is constantly disapproving of their actions.

Chantilly, tell parents you won’t have them back again until they have a good chat to kids about how their behaviour is upsetting their grandmother.

I wonder do you have any fun with your GCs? Part of the wonderfulness of being a GP is that you can play and pretend with them because you know that at X o'clock someone will be picking them up. When you do play with them, they develop a real affection for you and you can warn them, "If you don't listen and do as I ask then we wont play ...x later"