Struggling with friendships.

If your 'area' has a forum, have a look as they sometimes have several sub-groups for various things such as "selling and buying", "hobbies & interests", "fishing", "local history", also finiding a plumber, carpenter, electricians, that sort of thing. You might find something of interest in the hobbies or local history groups. Just do a search for your area and "forum".

Yes if you join a gym you need the right sort of gym, things like the cafe, the Jacuzzi, and nice changing rooms where people naturally just start up natters.

Needs to be the right sort of gym, and IME the sort that has a wide variety of classes NOT just weights and rooms of treadmills and cycles.

As regards age range, it depends what time you go. In the day its often retired and mums, but many early retired. Lots of chats when you want then as if you keep going same times of day you bump into the same people.
Then in the early evening there is a busy after work rush, where its not quite so sociable, then later its those who WANT to hang out and meet and chat.

Weekends around 11.30 to 2.30 are the nicest of all - people of ALL ages come to exercise and relax

Hi Msdaisy
I too have the same problem . I joined silver ladies chatter on Facebook . It is a group of ladies from about 55 to 70 from all around the uk . They start by chatting on Facebook & you say where you are from & others will let you know if they are near you . They arrange meet ups for coffee or sightseeing or even overnights . Every one is lovely .
I joined a book club for the first time last month . It is held in a pub once a month . There are about 20 in the group. We chatted about the book & every thing else & have a drink or a coffee . I was out last Saturday shopping & a woman came up to me & said “ your in my book club “ we had a chat & I felt happy knowing that’s someone else I can acknowledge at the book club next week.
Does your gym have a coffee shop , grab a coffee after a class , people soon start chatting to you if you are on your own .

I had to retire early in my late fifties due to health problems. I’ve made new friends through aqua, they are older than me but we have fun , socialising . Keep trying something new and I’m sure you’ll find some nice new friends

It is not so much about what people wear but about how they 'are'.
Being hyper-sensitive in case someone asks you to step out of your comfort zone and 'put something back', will not endear you to new groups.
Try to be open-minded. Do you imagine that 20 years down the line you will be less intelligent and less interesting? No of course you won't. People will forget what you say to them but they will always remember how you made them feel.
Maybe try embracing life with enthusiasm. Make fun of yourself or share funny anecdotes where you have messed up. Age brings perspective and most things are not nearly as important as they first seem. You have been given lots of great suggestions for groups to join. Try them all. You can leave the ones that don't work for you. The fear and uncertainty , the apprehension that makes you react with negative judgement will leave you if you just be yourself and accept others as the new interesting people you are getting to know. You may not like them all but you may find the hidden treasure of wonderful new friends. Good luck, I feel sure it will all work out well for you.

I can really sympathise with your dilemma. I have had a similar problem once I retired. It has taken me years to learn that I can gently say no. But it has left me isolated. CC is disabled so I already have a lot of caring to do. I have some good online friendships and book club is good too. I have found a walking club for those who are more able. The rule is no talking about illness! Can you start one up yourself. Volunteers for nature monitoring usually attracts younger and younger/older men and women. My SIL does a dormouse monitoring route. And groups often go out together. Hope this helps.

Hello Msdaisy. In some ways I fully appreciate your position as I could be in a dissimilar one myself. However, I spent 10 years nursing my late mother and all I wanted was some social company so set about joining a few events. I joined the local WI and U3A and 95% of the older people are quite mobile. I am usually one of the last to arrive and one of the first to go. I am always conveniently deaf if some 'errand' is hinted at and I also remain silent if a subject is broached that requires a lot of input. I make it my business to help with light things and do on the spot chores but never offer my services out of the given event. I have to do this because I was so burnout after looking after my mother that I needed counselling to get back to normal life. I am protecting myself with boundaries but also trying to keep them a bit flexible. I think we often believe we have to be helpful, when, in reality, we need to protect ourselves. Depends on people and context at the end of the day.

Try NWR national womens register nwr.org.uk/ as they can be really good to meet local friends

Doodledog

Juicylucy

I totally understand your dilemma, I’m 66 but look and feel 56, so I’m told. Im not ready for the knitting clubs etc that go with retirement. My mind is to young and active to succumb to those. Looking at my friendship group I’m lucky I have 3 friends that are on my level. We fit in with 40-50s age group better than our own. We are not mutton dressed as lamb it’s our teenage granddaughters that keep us young and up to the minute with what’s going on.

Wow! What a judgemental post.

Most groups that meet in the day 'go with retirement', as younger people tend to be at work. It's not a case of 'succumbing' to knitting, either - I have knitted since the age of 7, throughout teenage and young womanhood, and never found that it affected my activity levels or youthful outlook . I don't have teenage grand-daughters, but don't really need other people to keep me 'up to the minute', as I have a mind of my own, and have never been 'mutton dressed as lamb' either - I dress for myself, not to convince myself that I look younger or to fit in with the people I know.

If you don't fit in with people of your own age, could it be because you so clearly look down on them and make assumptions about their outlook and interests, which are likely to be as varied and wide-ranging as those of any age group? If you start to see them as likely to be 'on your level', you might find that they are willing to accept you as a friend. I am younger than you, and also have friends of mixed ages - that's not at all unusual. It works both ways though, and your younger friends may well be using you as an example of how well they tolerate older people in their lives.

Hear hear Doodledog!

A few posters here seem to equate full make-up and smart clothing with a youthful attitude - rather simplistic in my view. Being open-minded and looking beyond the “packaging” makes worthwhile friendships far more likely.
However, there is also some excellent advice and I wish the OP success in her search.

If you are fit and healthy join Ramblers. They do walks of different lengths. As a rough guide, the longer the walk, the younger the participants are likely to be. That is not a hard and fast fact just a general observation after nearly 40 years in the Ramblers.

If you want a younger demographic for your friends, you would need to join groups that meet out of working hours. I have friends who are active in social groups, who do just that. Weekends of course are a key time.

Given that the current retirement age is 66 (and going up) anyone not working is either exceptionally lucky, or older.

Do you have skills which could be put to use? If you could support with secretarial, IT or accounting skills, many organisations, charities, choirs, clubs etc are desperate for people to replace existing but ageing committee members.a good way to meet a variety of people, and maybe a friendship will come out of it.

I've been volunteering with the National Trust for 10 years, just one day a week. I've met lots of people who are often fit, young early retirees who love having something interesting to do and people to chat to. I talk with the other volunteers in breaks and at lunch time, and to visitors all day long, telling them about the property and just generally helping them get the best experience. I've made friends with other volunteers, and we meet up on other days for walks and lunch etc. It's worth a try, you're not committed, and you can leave if you find it's not for you. (Travelling expenses are paid).

I would add my voice to those suggesting the U3A. If there is not already an interest group you like you can always start one. You should find loads of people you will get along with.

Have you thought about joining a local amateur dramatics group? Before you dismiss this out of hand you don’t need to act, in fact you would be welcomed with open arms if you are prepared to work behind scenes such as helping with props, costumes, prompting or even making the tea. Most people join because they want to act so would love you. Amateur dramatics people are usually very friendly and sociable. I know from previous experience. Good luck

sigbi.org/

I’m so sad that no one has mentioned Soroptimist International. I’ve been a member for over 20 years at our local club. I won’t go into too much detail here (PLEASE Google it!) but is like a female Rotary. We concentrate on women and girls, have consultative status at the UN, and have thousands of clubs all over the world.

I am a similar age to you and retired at 62. I joined the WI and went on to the committee, where more active members usually meet. We also meet for a coffee and craft chat group.
I also attend classes at a local education centre for over 50s who do day trips as well, and have made good friends there. I joined the Parish Council and am on a local school governing body. The key is really to be brave enough to suggest to people who seem like minded that you might go on an outing together or meet up for coffee. It takes time but gradually from small seeds.....

I’m appreciative of everyone’s support and suggestions it’s made me think it’s not about age as much as mindset. Many of the ladies I meet present themselves as ‘old’ not just in appearance but mindset if I suggest trip to cinema or theatre I’m met with ‘ oh I can’t be bothered I’m in bed by 10!’ I really thought after lockdown people would really grab life and try new things as we know life can be short.
I’m going to explore more groups u3a and evening classes to engage with a younger group or just people with more outgoing personality. I’m looking for more sagattarians ready for adventure!

It isn't easy! I've tried to join 2 over the last couple of months. I turned up at one last week which sounded great. Lots of crafts etc - so I turned up - I was the only one there for the whole time. I might as well have stayed home.

Another vote for U3A.

Participants vary in age but there are some 'young' people and with such a range of activities you are sure to find something of interest.

Wishing you the best of luck in finding something that you'll enjoy and with making new friends.

Has anyone suggested getting a dog? People tell me that you make lots of cheery acquaintances and possibly friends, when walking a dog. (I wouldn't know, I've got a cat!)

Definitely join your local U3A: I retired 10 years ago when I was 63 and have made numerous friends through the various groups I joined. I run two groups myself now and belong to another two. Some meet weekly, others monthly. Please do give it a go...

Most of my friends are older than me (I'm 61 & retired) by anything from 3 to 12 or even older. I have a few "younger" friends to - in their 40's& 50's. I enjoy their company, their insights. Friendships as far as I'm concerned have nothing to do with age but more of mutual interests & activities. I would ask why its so important to you to have friends of your own age?

Yes dog walkers seem to have a nice chatty time seeing them regularly walking out but if dont fancy a dog it’s impossible. Iv offered to walk neighbours dogs next best thing I guess as dont want the responsibility
Basically seeing familiar faces on a regular basis is generally helpful wherever