people questioning my ability to care for sick grandson

It sounds like you are doing a wonderful caring role in the life of your grandson and also supporting you daughter in the process.
Personally I would let things settle for the moment get yourself in a more settled mind and have a talk with your daughter first about what happened.
If she is in agreement make an appointment with the administrators. Tell them your concerns and worries and get this issue sorted once and for all.

The important thing you need to consider also is in caring for your GS you also need to care for yourself.
You being exhausted is not a good thing.
You need to take what I call maintenance days out where you can just relax and recharge your batteries.
Hope everything works out I am sure it will.

just a thought, now that you are not dependent on them, could you write to the management of RM house, asking what is their inspection/compliance regime for health and safety/ environmental health.
are they inspected by/registered with the local authority for these inspections.
is their a patients/ relatives forum where concerns/ suggestions/ complaints can be raised.
these are all legitimate concerns and it might help you to focus your energies into trying to uphold standards for the wider patient group.
so often patients and their relatives are in such angst, that they cannot properly address issues that ought to be raised and I think many mangers take advantage of this and arrange things for their own convenience, rather than the real needs of the clients.
there is also the prevailing patronising attitudes, being infantilised, that the done-to should be grateful.
there is often a lack of accountability in the health and care world. ( I think maybe Tillybelle knows whereof I speak.

can you go with GS to therapy, with his parent/s, for continuity, since you were they so often before, while he was being treated.

Thanks for the update, Mebster.
All the best to you and your family.

You have been doing a brilliant job for months on end, and the strain on you must be awful. As to your suggestions of a ramp and a meat thermometer, of course these should be available, and I am feeling cross on your behalf that they tried to turn their own failings onto you. Rise above it. I'm sorry you have had such a miserable morning, and hope tomorrow goes much better for you. Your family is very lucky to have such care and devotion from you.

Thanks for the update Mebster.
Hope things continue to go well for your grandson.
You’ll find it hard to adjust (as will his parents) but things are sounding much better for you all.
? for you.

Thanks so much for everyone's support. We finished at RM House and are now back home. Honestly, it's now hard to adjust to not being with my GS regularly. I get to see him once or twice a week. I've asked his parents to let me take him to therapy but they seem unwilling, so I get him whenever they have a night out and I'm glad for it. He turned 9 this week and is making slow recovery but can walk a few steps now. I need to get back to community activities.

Dear Mebster
Just want to send you my love , and to say don’t let people put you down , nobody knows what you have been through supporting not only your lovely grandson but keeping the rest of the family together . Keep up the good work x

Mebster
Thinking of you at the beginning of the week. I do hope you are able to go back to see your DGS.

Take care of yourself. Remember you are a good and loving Grandmother and do not let anyone upset you.

Lots of love and best wishes to you and DGS, Elle x

mosaicwarts. Wow! What an amazing place! Thank you so much for telling me about it. I understand now. I should say that I would have been unable to cope hatless at noon in the SA Bush even when I was in my 20s. I am very fair skinned and light coloured eyes - very Northern European. I can't open my eyes if the sun is dazzling!

The Centre are doing a wonderful job. You have to be so strong to deal with the heartbreak of looking after animals too. I am very sorry about their dog and I hope the dachshunds recover. That is terrible! I have 5 small rescued dogs. I would be in bits if anything happened to any of them. I have heard a bit about baboons being regarded as pests. Is it because they damage crops? I know that in all of Africa it is difficult to maintain a relationship between the needs of humans and the wildlife so that the animals do not suffer. I would dearly love to see the animals in their wild habitat. I was too ill to travel on my one opportunity to go to South Africa, and now I could not manage it for health reasons, but I have tried during my life to support charities working to protect wildlife and their habitat across the World.

How difficult things are for the Charity! Not only just trying to rehabilitate the animals which have come to harm through the deeds of humans but now facing the costs of a legal battle to keep their land and the possibility of the water being cut off. I don't know how people manage to find the strength to battle on. I do so hope they succeed, for the sake of the animals.

I am in awe of you having machete skills! I was in Costa Rica where a wonderful guy was handy with his machete while showing us the wildlife. It was a heavy and dangerous instrument. You are some lady! Some Granny too!! I am sure your daughter is extremely proud of you!

Thanks again for telling me about this, I have really enjoyed hearing about it all.

Tillybelle, the baboons were juvenile and mixed sizes from small to medium teddy bear. The adults were HUGE and I was scared of them, but we weren't allowed near them as they have to be wary of humans before release.

The centre did fantastic work and standards were very high.
Baboons and vervets are considered pests in SA, and suffer terribly. They also had bush babies - they are bought as 'pets' apparently. One poor bush baby had been fed on marshmallows. They also rescue other animals in need and had ostrich, geese, and two donkeys. Very sadly they have just posted that their dachshunds have been found in snares and they hope they will recover - they'd just lost a dog, they think to a python, before we arrived. Poverty in the area is rife, to survive the villagers set snares but don't seem to revisit them.

The juveniles were beautiful and all had different personalities and really looked forward to their daily walk - sadly all orphans due to their parents being shot or snared. The centre had a system where they moved up to different cages and were 'weaned' off the supply of food, and eventually were in semi wild conditions. The owners are always looking for 'release sites' miles from the centre, where troops can live wild, in safety.

The juveniles probably only weigh a few pounds each but combined with the heat I couldn't cope. As they steal everything you couldn't wear a hat or sunglasses, and as the walk was at 12 noon, the hottest part of the day, it made me feel faint. It was downhill going to the river and the river was dry, they so enjoyed going into the trees and eating the wild plants.

The wildlife centre was deep in the SA bush, originally a tribe King's hunting grounds and they 'acquired' the land in the 90's. They are now facing a court battle with the tribe King as well as the possibility of a dam at the north of the centre.

I'm so glad I was able to accompany my daughter, it is a fantastic memory for us both. I am ace with a machete now! I hadn't thought of myself as 'old' until this trip, it really made me doubt my capabilities but the young people I was with said they thought I was great - and they were going to ask their Mum to accompany them on a trip.

mosaicwarts. (fascinating name!)
I'm amazed that anyone let alone those of us beyond 60 or with arthritis (mine began way before 60) could cope with baboons jumping on them! Aren't baboons somewhat ferocious and actually really heavy? It sounds dangerous to me. Certainly not the highest standards of health and safety!! Was it necessary to take the baboons down river this way? The owner sounds mildly psychopathic. I must say I have met a few of these "animal lovers" who are quite rude and aggressive towards humans! Weird.

I admire you for doing this work. So many animals rely on the voluntary kindness and devotion of people like you and your daughter for their survival. I thank you on behalf of the animals and the rest of us who love them.

Rebecca3 You are so right!

I always notice - not deliberately - the names of those who care enough to come forward when someone is in a terribly distressing situation.

There is a core of people who always bring their wisdom, from very practical to deeply sensitive. There is a growing group of people whose names are beginning to become familiar to me as well, who are so sensitive and wise and bring valuable experience.

Well said, Rebecca3!
the support and words of wisdom offered by gransnetters is invaluable !

llizzie2. Such wisdom, Lizzie! I can join you with my life-time experiences of hearing negativism and being on the receiving end of bad Doctors and poor Hospital care over the years. I think that things have got better on the whole but not enough to be complacent. I still hear of outrageous injustice and appalling lack of standards. Last time I was in Hospital, for example, the "Nurse" on duty when I was discharged stole my strongest drugs, including the morphine drugs. She arranged it so that I was collected at the end of the Ambulance people's shift and she hid away, refusing to speak to me about the missing drugs. The ambulance staff said if I did not go with them then I would not be taken home but would have to make my own way as I was discharged. I was only in my nighty having been admitted as an emergency, it was night-time and raining. I had to leave without my most important painkillers.

I am firmly behind Mebster. I do suspect the child's parents do not realise how much good she has done their son. It could be that they are jealous of the time she has spent with him. But his needs should be their priority. If they cannot be with him then his Grandmother must be there. Her relationship with him is so beneficial to him at this difficult time. Maybe everyone could do with a little time to relax and take the pressure off. The worries about this precious child are more than enough to bear, without added problems. If they could just step back and regroup and put their focus on the child who is ill and the other children then, I hope, they will feel so much better. Try not to blame each other. This is such a painful situation, everybody's emotions are so near the edge. But the parents must appreciate this wonderful Grandmother. She is a Godsend to them.

I think the support and words of wisdom offered by gransnetters is invaluable!! Am so glad this site exists.

The most disturbing part of this (if I got your right) is that the parents may be taking the hospital's side? You need to check if this is true or a feeling you are getting because you've been so undermined by the hospital.
I think your grandson would miss you dreadfully if you backed away HOWEVER if there is any doubt about the support of his parents - let them take the strain for a couple of weeks and they may see things more 'clearly'. You can't care for him if you crash and burn.
Praying for you both.

It is not unusual. It happens when people want to care for others. It is an opposite effect and is often affected by jealousy. You just do not know what makes people in control decide to oppose someone. It is seen most often in mothers of new babies and we are all familiar with that. It could also be that the people in charge of the care now want to encourage more contact from the parents. I have heard nurses moan that parents do not visit premature babies in hospital as often as they should. Things like cost of travel and having to work do not come into their minds. I heard nurses do this on TV and parents are complained about so often, yet are the opposite when the parents visit all the time. It seems that we are in a negavistic society. Do not appear so keen. If the care staff do think the parents need to visit more it is very difficult for them to say so to anyone, so they will pick the easy target - you - and suggest you do not come so often. It is awful and you will have to grin and bear it. It is the same sort of attitude of control where social workers put an elderly couple in different care homes. That has been happening for decades and still goes on. There are examples of it everywhere. My children are grown now, but when one of them was in hospital having a tonsils op I was not allowed to visit him and insisted. Poor little thing. It affected him badly for a long time. He was two. That was the famous children's' hospital in London who now encourage parents but it was not always so and children are always the ones who end up suffering because someone in charge thinks they know best. Chin up.

I can't add anything but send my very best wishes

Sorry knocked post button.
Your questions of them sounded reasonable so be proud of yourself ypur supporting your family for so long and in such a caring way.
Best wishes

How did information get out to your community surely with confidentiality and data protection no one should hear of what goes on in his home.

I feel the same as Gingergirl. I cannot understand how this amazing Grandmother has become the but of a query about her ability to cope when all she did was point out two quite bad failings in the establishment where her grandson is receiving care. I am also, along with others, very shocked that the community are gossiping and that her children were contacted about her recommendations for improvements and not she herself. It throws up a lot of questions regarding the propriety of the running of the RM House. It is really shocking.

On a different subject, I need to add that I am concerned that my previous message has sounded as if your grandson is receiving terminal care Mebster. I am so sorry if I have given this impression. You have never said that his condition was of this nature and you speak of his progress, which is truly good news and I am sure, a lot to do with your vigilant support and love.

I was probably influenced by the experience of my next door neighbour's daughter who died aged 5 last November, in a Hospice near us. She had a brain tumour that is incurable. I might have been thinking about the Ronald MacDonald House as being the same as the children's Hospice she was living at for the last months. But I was not thinking of your DGS dying. I simply wanted to cover everything, because sometimes we get very distressed at these times. I do understand this because I have been in this situation - not exactly the same as you but similar.

I am glad you allowed yourself a "good cry". I do hope you feel much better by Monday and that you return to be with your DGS and carry on as if nothing has happened. Show those stupid people who thought they could ride roughshod over you that you are not put off by their ridiculous behaviour, gossip or not. I remember hearing Michelle Obama say, when asked how she dealt with people who said wicked things against her, that the way to treat them was to "Go higher", to always act in a way above their bad behaviour and never go down to their level. I can see you doing that, being dignified and noble, with the serenity of one who knows she always does what is right and best and won't stoop to gossip or nastiness. Sending you lots of love, Elle x

I'm so sorry that you are being treat like this. You are doing so much and should be highly praised for it. I don't think I could do it. Don't beat yourself up. I think they are lucky to have you helping them. Look after yourself.

Mebster
First of all I am so very sorry to hear of your DGS's illness and bran injury. That is a terrible thing for those who love him have to endure, to see him in this condition.
Next I am so very sorry to hear about this awful blow you have received while you are devotedly caring for your beloved Grandson. I can see that it has been too much for you to bear. Of course you are crying. The emotional burden of seeing your grandson so ill is extremely exhausting on its own. To be criticised in this way, and so unfairly, from what you have said, when you were simply trying to make helpful suggestions, and then having your own children seem to lose confidence in you and to have gossips talking about you - well this is far more than any normal person would be able to cope with in these circumstances. I know it would knock me over. I really do feel for for you.

I would like to join with those who are urging you not to give in though. However hard it may be, however desperately distressed you feel, please continue to believe in yourself. That dear little boy needs you. Take heed of that apology from the House Manager, apologies are not easily come by so please feel glad to have it. Draw on all your strengths, for you do have many. Your little grandson knows that you do! Don't let a hiccup stop you being by his side. He needs you. After being with him day by day you will know him best and know what works for him. This will give him confidence. He needs you. Try to smile at his parents and show that you will never let their son down. The staff at the Unit will back you up. If ever you need a pair of hands to help with your grandson, they should be there. Your job is to be his Granny, best friend, comforter and the one by his side.

Please get enough rest when you need it. That is most important. Also eat well, of course.

I believe that once you get back beside your grandson you will feel better. The nature of his illness means you are needed now, because time is important. No matter what others may have said, it only matters now that you are with him. I believe all will be well. God bless you, dear Mebster, and as the days pass may you be blessed with great peace and the comfort of knowing that we are never alone and are always loved while we live here in this world and when we leave our body to go to the next, for I have experienced that departure and returned here, so I do know there is life beyond this earthly existence. Your grandson needs you to be with him while he is here. Please go to him.

Sending you much love and courage, and please, take the laughter when it comes because it does, even when you think it couldn't be possible! I shall be thinking of you and your grandson and his parents and praying for all of you. With much love, Elle x ????

I really feel for you here, as I know time spent with your grandson will come from a place of love.
Straighten your crown, throw your shoulders back, and front this out.
I wonder if they do Reiki or something similar that relatives have access to, if they do, why not give it a try? I am just thinking, it gives you the opportunity for “me time”.
Take care and do let us know how you get on.xx

I suggest you join a carers support group.and also get more rest. Tell your family you need the rest too. I cant understand how your community would know private details of your situation!

I'm not sure how everyone will have heard about it?
Who would have told other people, apart from your daughter or the manager of the MacDonald house?

I'm pretty sure neither of those would have done so.

I do hope you feel rested this weekend; its an awful lot you're taking on, on your own, it seems.