School pick ups

Thanks everyone. I'm going to offer to do drop offs as I'll still have the day free after that but decline the pick ups. Hopefully dd will find an alternative if I'm assertive enough!

Offer whatever you feel comfortable doing long term. We did nursery pick ups for many years until he went to school. We missed him terribly not having him regularly and giving him his tea and bath and Pjs. Now we see him once a half term for a weekend. He also comes during the school holidays for a few days. It’s different. We know we won’t have the same type of arrangement with the new baby as Our daughter is staying at home. Do what you can and enjoy every moment. Today we are picking up from school and taking GS swimming. It’s a first and we are all very excited!

I would offer what you feel you can do. Today's world often requires parents to work. Raising children should be a joy but the worry for working parents can be stressful. Maybe you could offer to do the morning drop off. Or perhaps commit to 2 set days. Thereby helping them, getting to be with your grandchildren and having time to yourself. Ultimately, talk it through and negotiate...

That’s a very generous offer. A very big commitment still, so make sure at the outset that she knows she will have to arrange alternatives as you may have to cancel sometimes and there will be these occasions, when you are ill or away or whatever.

I do two pick-ups a week, then look after them till about 5 pm. DD comes and picks them up from us.

I cannot do drop-offs because OH needs getting up and dressing in the mornings - he is at his worst at that time and I could not leave him.

If there are occasions when I cannot do the pick-up DD is fine with that and makes other arrangements. She understands that I have other things in my life too, and that OH often needs taking to appointments.

It works for us and I love having them. The school is only 10 minutes away so that makes it easier.

I would maybe offer to do it for one day a week but doing it every day means that you are giving up your ability to plan much else and everything you do has to be around those times.
It is often easier to say no at the beginning than after you start if you find it too much.

We looked after 2 GC from birth, then term time and holidays and continued with drop off & pick up and feed until elder GC went to high school. Now we do daily drop offs and occasional pick ups. Mum picks up most days.
We are lucky as the after school club allows a certain number of casual visits. You’re right, it is very tying but as I was still working and my DH was happy to do it, it didn’t matter. Had I been retired I’d have liked to opt for just drop off, but since my DD was ill, I’d probably have done both.

Certainly not. Tell her you will do one day and tell her why.

Please say "no"
Please do not commit yourself even to one day.
One day becomes two and then........
Also the one day may be the day you want to meet a friend or have an appointment with the doctor or dentist.
I would say that you will be happy to help out in an emergency if you are able but do not want to be committed to more than that.

Could you offer to do drop off and pick up a couple of days each week, with proviso she will have to find someone else if you go on hols in term time while cheaper?

I do pick up one day a week and that is fine by me. I get to see them and enjoy a few hours with them but that day is totally out for anything else which is also fine but I wouldn't like to do it every day . We didn't have that luxury when out children were small but then we didn't have to go to work as mothers.

When you first retire after 40yrs of being slave to the alarm clock at the crack of dawn, sometimes it's difficult to get up. Doing the drop-offs sounds quite attractive. I think Caterpillar you've got it right, and you'll always there in an emergency.

We all love our grandchildren. But be very careful what you commit to. It will soon become the new ‘normal’. I think my advice would be to be upfront, say you think it might be too much as you were looking forward to a retirement without clock watching. Perhaps offer to be the ‘on call’ help in cases of illness or say you’ll try it and review the situation at the end of each half term when alternative arrangements could then be put in place. Personally, I’d hate it, even though I adore our two grandchildren who live a 15 minute walk from us. I’ve never done it and I know peers who have with every good intention then found it too much. Childcare is expensive. Our daughter is a teacher and it costs her & our SIL just shy of £800 per month to have them minded. We help in other ways.

I did pick ups about 3 or 4 days a week and looked after DGC until DD finished work. It could be a 5 pm or 9 pm finish. I did meals and baths too.
Then one day I was ill and could not do it. From that day to this I have not seen DD or DGC.
Grandparents are extended family members and often willing to help out but we are not the parents or a paid for service. Clearly I was only worth my usefulness.

No don't do it, some of us had parents who did it for us but these days you have after school clubs so why not use that? Failing that how about friends or even a child minder for half an hour a day.n enjoy the freedom of your retirement.

Could you not offer to do two days a week? That way you won't feel mean for saying no, and I am sure your DD will understand that you don't want or need to be tied down to fetching the children five days a week.

I know it can be difficult for working parents, but surely, she and another mother or father could share the school runs.

Is it quite impossible for the children to come home from school alone? I don't know how old they are, what kind of distances are involved, but a lot of parents are fetching and carrying children instead of letting them learn to fend for themselves. Obviously if the are five they can't go home alone, but if they are 11 that's a rather different kettle of fish.

I am generally available to do drop offs and pick ups in an emergency. I'm doing pick up today because fo hospital appointment. It's maybe possible for you to be available in an emergency but it is a huge committment to be doing it every day. Please think hard and discuss it with your DD before you commit to everyday.

Have done this on 2 days for 9 tears. Now getting fed up as I find it stressful and have done since start.

We do one pick up a week same day we have little one for day so have rest of week it's enough !

Kirkcubbin surely after 9 years the end is in sight? My GS has been taking himself home from secondary school since he was 11.

I wouldnt want to do it on a regular basis.

At the age if sixtysomething I've suddenly found myself having to ferry my disabled son to and from college because the council have cut SN transport.
It's hell!!

I wonder if ;after school; clubs exist in the UK ? (they didn;t when my daughter was small, but I worked from 9.00to 3.00 (her school finished at 3.30) then picked her up and took her back to work with me ...I had a very good ;boss; whose grand daughter lived in the USA so he never saw her, and he loved to have my daughter to sit and 'discuss; things with as she was the same age ....they had great fun colouring in things and drawing ! He was also a magistrate and often had to sit on the bench ...my daughter (aged 4) thought this was strange, and asked him why he sat on a bench as he had a nice chair ! When many years later I moved to France, I helped out at the after school club, run by the school, and a drink and snack was given to the children and we could play games with them until the parents collected them...it was all free, I wonder if the UK could use non working parent volunteers to do a similar thing (provided health n safety and the education authority agreed to keep the school open ...but it is for cleaners, I suppose ....worth a petition or two !)

No, not at all. You are not a bad person for being unsure about such a commitment...far from it.
There may be days when you simply cannot get out due to illness, tiredness, bad weather or other comittments. If you want to be tied to 4 journeys a day at specific times then go ahead. If not, it's better to say NO but be firm and say it with a smile. Better to be upfront about it and enjoy the times when you do see your GC, than commit to something which you later regret and come on here asking for advice on how to tell your daughter you no longer want to carry on.

Set one or 2 days a week if possible as ever day is too much.

No matter how much we love our children and grandchildren, its really important that we set our own limits. I do a fair bit of helping out with childcare for all of my dgc but I have always made it clear that I will say a firm 'no' to what I can't or don't wish to manage. They know that they will never be in a position where I agree to something and then carp behind their backs. That seems to me to be the most important thing. Having said that, I love the contact with our local primary school and enjoy school runs in a way that I didn't with my own children. Hope this helps OP!