School pick ups

You are right not to be tied to school runs, why did your dad have children if she doesn't want to take care of them?

YANBU , I agree with your sentiment and I can see it could be the thin end of the wedge ! I'm sure if you say no she will find another solution !

It’s a massive commitment! Offer what you feel you can do but no more you will only end up resenting it. It’s much better to be completely willing if you’re going to do something like this. And don’t feel bad either, just be straight with your daughter so she knows where she is.

That keeps happening to me. It used to be that all comments from the OP were coloured green. I think they should go back to doing that. It is easy to miss otherwise.
Jaycee5 I couldn't agree more..! It's one reason why I use Mumsnet much more than Gransnet, as it irritates me so much not to be able to whizz through a thread reading the OP's posts to catch up before posting...

Bathsheba That keeps happening to me. It used to be that all comments from the OP were coloured green. I think they should go back to doing that. It is easy to miss otherwise.

I live about 10 miles from DD so morning drop off is pretty impossible (horrendous traffic) but she has a good friend who lives close by who will do an emergency drop off. My DD doesn't work, DGS1 is 8 & DGS2 is 19 months & she is full-time carer for her OH who is disabled. DD knows I will always do pick up if necessary but I have a busy social life (no set days) so I would never commit to a regular arrangement. I love my DGSs very much

I returned to College for 3 years as a single parent & then worked full-time even though DH no 3 worked as well but I had a childminder, DD used to go & stay with my DM & Step-F during half term & summer holidays as they lived 250 miles away from us.

Only do what you are comfortable with, if mornings suit you at least you have the rest of the day clear to do what you want even it is just going back to bed

Oh so she did Cabbie - I trawled the entire thread twice before I posted and missed that!

I know how you feel I also have a hard time saying no to my kids or anyone else for that matter.. but I wouldn't want to take on this job every day, just explain how you feel and hope that she understands and isn't too offended. Good luck...

But she did! She said she has decided to do mornings but not pickups. But people have carried on giving her advice, so maybe you missed it, Bathsheba?

I wonder why the OP has not returned to the thread?

I find it very difficult to say no to my Dd.
She quite often phones me in the mornings to ask if I will mind dgs while she goes back to bed. Unfortunately, he wakes early mornings around 4.30am and won’t go back to sleep. Consequently, she is always tired and run down.
I feel guilty saying no, especially if I’m not doing anything important, but I am getting a wee bit fed up with after three years of doing so.
It seems a lot of AC take their poor mums for granted.
I wouldn’t mind so much if I had more energy. If I did I would probably be more willing. But at 73, I very easily flag.

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you're not a bad grandma but get ready for a large dose of guilt if you say "no" and a larger dose of, "I want my freedom back" if you choose "yes". Just remember, once you start helping you can't walk away from the decision of the "yes". My husband told our youngest son he'd never let him down and has been watching grandson's for over 6 years and they're talking about another. He's stuck...I travel, without guilt. My sister...same situation but 8 years and was just surprised with a brand new grandchild a month ago. I have wanted to be a great grandma since I was a little girl because I hated mine and I am because I see them when I want to. I am their grandma, not their babysitter, not their taxi, not their atm, not their parents. I don't answer the back on call of, "we need a nap", "we need time to talk to each other without the kids around", "the wife has had a stressful day with the kids can you watch them for a few hour so she can nap"? Parents need to accept their responsibilities as parents and let grandparents be grandparents when we choose to be and are not conveniences to be used when convenient. Good luck, it's a hard, emotional decision with LONG TERM consequences.

i would say no .tell her you get rather tired in the afternoons and that you wouldnt feel safe picking up children in the car.or maybe you have your own hobbies you want to do...how does she cope now with the school runs? who does it? just say no. its not being nasty ,i personally would not want to plan my days to include dropping off/picking up every day. maybe on a friday would be better as its going on to the weekend.

We do 'wraparound' school & preschool two days a week. DS & family live in the same village. But the Breakfast & Afterschool clubs here are flexible so if we want to book a holiday, that's fine (or at least will be next year when the younger one starts school.) I love having the regular contact with them.

I'm going to be controversial, but then I am not your usual retired Grandparent.
I would certainly agree to doing the 3.00pm collection, though not early mornings, as they are certainly 'my time'.
We have done it for our three elder grandchildren, until they were old enough not to need us, and next year are moving to be near our younger grandchildren and expect (in that we have offered) to help out with them as well
To me, this is what being a grandparent is about,
Plenty of time in the school holidays to do other things, and yes, we have occasionally gone off on holiday and Dd has made other arrangements

I hear young parents saying of their retired parents "Well, they've got nothing else to do". It is so disrespectful. Most of my friends lead very busy and active lives and child-minding on a regular basis would not be a choice any of them would relish.

westerlywind - gosh; that sounds harsh. Were there other things going on I wonder.

It sounds as though she thinks you have no other life of your own (nor want one)? Think carefully about what you would like to offer (maybe, as others have suggested, say you will do the morning run - thereby having the rest of the day for things you want to do?) No, you're not a bad gran - what she's talking about is childcare, not granny duties. Better to set the boundaries now.

Can't say I've seen anyone here mention the inability to take a spur of the moment holiday during term time. Having said that, we did do pick-ups for a few years to enable our daughter to take up a demanding new profession. Despite being financially stretched she insisted on paying us for a while but not being comfortable that we managed to persuade her to stop. It did bring us so much closer to the GC which continues to this day.

Best answer on here was the first one from Bathsheba. Nuff said.

It’s your retirement Caterpiller...I do 3 takes and 3 pickups a week ( no car) and I’m now finding my time very restricted by school times! Each trip to school is a two bus ride or a three mile walk or cycle . At the moment I do it willingly but I can see a time when : days tied up is too much. They go to breakfast / care club the other days , which I know costs quite a lot. If money is the issue with the parents,maybe you could offer a hand financially if possible! But whatever you decide I would suggest that five days is too much...it really does have a knock on effect as to what you can do during those hours in between. Start as you mean to go on ...offer to do what YOU will find workable and no more unless in an emergency.

No matter how much we love our children and grandchildren, its really important that we set our own limits. I do a fair bit of helping out with childcare for all of my dgc but I have always made it clear that I will say a firm 'no' to what I can't or don't wish to manage. They know that they will never be in a position where I agree to something and then carp behind their backs. That seems to me to be the most important thing. Having said that, I love the contact with our local primary school and enjoy school runs in a way that I didn't with my own children. Hope this helps OP!

Set one or 2 days a week if possible as ever day is too much.

No, not at all. You are not a bad person for being unsure about such a commitment...far from it.
There may be days when you simply cannot get out due to illness, tiredness, bad weather or other comittments. If you want to be tied to 4 journeys a day at specific times then go ahead. If not, it's better to say NO but be firm and say it with a smile. Better to be upfront about it and enjoy the times when you do see your GC, than commit to something which you later regret and come on here asking for advice on how to tell your daughter you no longer want to carry on.

I wonder if ;after school; clubs exist in the UK ? (they didn;t when my daughter was small, but I worked from 9.00to 3.00 (her school finished at 3.30) then picked her up and took her back to work with me ...I had a very good ;boss; whose grand daughter lived in the USA so he never saw her, and he loved to have my daughter to sit and 'discuss; things with as she was the same age ....they had great fun colouring in things and drawing ! He was also a magistrate and often had to sit on the bench ...my daughter (aged 4) thought this was strange, and asked him why he sat on a bench as he had a nice chair ! When many years later I moved to France, I helped out at the after school club, run by the school, and a drink and snack was given to the children and we could play games with them until the parents collected them...it was all free, I wonder if the UK could use non working parent volunteers to do a similar thing (provided health n safety and the education authority agreed to keep the school open ...but it is for cleaners, I suppose ....worth a petition or two !)