Gransnet forums

Grandparenting

Caring for grandchild.

(58 Posts)
Wren5 Sat 09-Feb-19 15:33:13

Hello there,
After some advice please . I'm a new Grandmother, my Grandson has just gone 1 year old, his mam has decided to go back to work part-time, one day a week so I have offered to look after GS. I'm just concerned how GS will be without his mam around, I have looked after him before but only for a short period of time, say couple of hours. He get's very fretful when he can't see his mother or father, he point's to the door to search the house for them, I can normally comfort him , try to distract him with playing, etc, but I will be spending at least 9 hour's without his mam or dad being there & I know I will be really upset if I cannot get him to settle, any advice appreciated, thank you.

MooM00 Sun 10-Feb-19 10:55:15

Wren5. You will be absolutely fine, don't panic. I look after my 17month old grandson for 10hrs on a Tuesday. He settles after his mum has gone to work. I play with him for a while then take him out to a garden centre for lunch which he loves. He has a sleep for a while. I sit in the afternoon and have lots of cuddles whilst he watches his favourite children's program. If you can be there at any bath time I find that a lovely time to connect, blowing bubbles and playing. Please don't worry just enjoy.

AdeleJay Sun 10-Feb-19 10:57:41

You will have such a brilliant time. I still look for age appropriate puzzles, books etc in charity shops to ring the changes re fun things to do. The park is wonderful on a dry day too.

I find letting my latest grandson aged 2 lead the play works best. But relaxing is the key. Have a lovely time.

quizqueen Sun 10-Feb-19 11:14:21

Fill the day with a morning activity ( mother and toddlers' group) then home for lunch and a nap, then an afternoon visit to the park, craft/shopping/cooking/swimming activity or make friends with a similar grandparent in the same position and invite them round.

vickya Sun 10-Feb-19 11:18:24

If the library is open the day you are there and not too far it might have a children's library and they have a toy area. Also often run story time or music sessions or know where those take place.

He is probably getting to the age when they like playing with saucepans and spoons and making a noise or pretending to cook. An unbreakable plate or bowl too. I used to get large wooden boxes and draw a stove on one standing on end. The hob, or lying down it can be a car or train if you do wheels. A big plastic stable cloth down and plasticine or playdoh keeps they happy and for this age actually some magazines to tear up and look at pictures and paper and fat crayons to scribble.

vickya Sun 10-Feb-19 11:19:31

Not wooden boxes. Cardboard! From supermarkets. OAP mode today!

harrigran Sun 10-Feb-19 11:30:32

May I suggest a large photo of Mummy where he can see it, may be a comfort to him.

Molli Sun 10-Feb-19 11:37:46

As others have said create your own routine. Relax, enjoy and savour every minute. BUT if he does do any of the special milestones while with you DON'T let on! He will do it again soon after and it's important for the parents to see the 'firsts'.

Luckygirl Sun 10-Feb-19 11:46:36

The first day I started the regime of care of my 9 month old DGD, she was distressed when her Mum left - entirely normal. I sat her on my lap and cuddled her, and talked to her, and sang to here - and this went on for a very long time, but it was what she needed at that moment. Eventually she spotted a toy and gradually crept from my lap and investigated it. After a while she crept back onto my lap.

This went on for several weeks (I only had her one day a week then) and, as time went by she found her feet (ad her voice!) and gained her confidence. She - and now her little brother - are at home here now and bounce in merrily!

I would say just cancel anything else you might have to do on that first day (cook in advance maybe) and just be with the child every moment to begin with - and take your lead from the child.

Good luck - this is a very rewarding task that you are taking on.

grandtanteJE65 Sun 10-Feb-19 11:56:50

Most children cry when left at day care or grandma's. It can be distressing both for you and his mam, but it will stop once he realises that she will come back.

Try distracting him once he has cried for a while.

A trip to a park with a playground can shorten the day and is specially useful for the last couple of hours before his mam comes back.

I found establishing a routine a good thing. Lunch, walk, nap at the same time, but don't adhere to it too rigidly.

Keep some toys at your place if you are looking after him there, you could perhaps try that, if he is unhappy at home without his parents. Going to Gran's can be a big treat.

Wren5 Sun 10-Feb-19 12:55:44

Thank you so much everyone for all your advice/ support, means so much & has given me so many ideas, I'm sure it will be invaluable to me as my GS gets used to Nanny on the days his mother works smile I must admit he is my world & even more special because I never thought I'd get to be a Grandmother ever, then suddenly my son had a change of heart & now we have this beautiful, funny little toddler grin Thank you all again.

Aepgirl Sun 10-Feb-19 13:04:49

I took my grandson to Rhyme Time at the local library. He loved it, and so did I. Lots of singing, actions, and interaction. I also made contact with other grandmothers, as well as young mums. Enjoy the time together - he will soon be off to nursery and then school. Your daughter obviously knows you and your grandson will be just fine.

Hm999 Sun 10-Feb-19 13:44:37

Distraction - always have something up your sleeve to distract them with. Last week when DGD was fractious, it was a pot of bubble mixture, a couple of weeks ago it was little plastic figures that came free with a comic

Gottalovethem Sun 10-Feb-19 15:54:45

I think you will be absolutely fine. It’s good it’s at his own house, so everything he wants and knows is there for him. He may be a bit fretful the first 2 or 3 times but will soon get used to it. If I could offer a little bit of advice, I would say :
1) For mum not to make a fuss when she leaves, just kiss, goodbye, have fun with grandma. And

2) don’t let him do a phone call with mummy or daddy whilst they are away. In my very limited experience, this can often make the little one more upset, I truly believe with children it can be out of sight, out of mind.

Very good luck to you.

Saggi Sun 10-Feb-19 16:43:49

Trust all the advice you’ve had on here; i’ll add my own as well. Both my grandkids dote in their parents especially their dad .... but just have plenty of activity planned preferable in his push chair to the park , with a ball tucked under your arm and a picnic ( warmer weather). Playing in the garden, helping you to garden if you have one, a paddling pool / sand pit.... he will forget the parents for a few hours and absolutely love being at nannies for the day. You’ll both love it.... I did and so did my grandkids.... enjoy it cos it all goes so fast you won’t believe it.

grannyactivist Sun 10-Feb-19 17:05:28

What a lovely thread - Gransnet at its best! smile

LynW Sun 10-Feb-19 17:12:49

Absolutely agree grannyactivist. I do many of these suggestions with my GSs but has been interesting and uplifting to hear what others do.

Qwerty Sun 10-Feb-19 17:56:13

Have lots of fun! Do loads of nappy changes, singing to him to distract him (our grandchildren seem far more "difficult" during nappy changes than our own children were), and make sure you put him down for his nap and pick him up when he wakes. Then he will get used to you at these crucial times and you will build up your confidence. Do take him out loads - stimulation and company for both of you - and rest when he naps as you will get more tired as a grandparent than you did as a parent in my experience! Good luck!

Urmstongran Sun 10-Feb-19 18:06:53

And if you feel a bit ‘wobbly’ when he’s crying, pretend in a sing song voice that you’re fine and firmly in control (imagine you are a nursery nurse and not related!) and say kindly but confidently ‘come along now it’s all right’ etc.
It helps while you grow in confidence!

Jane43 Sun 10-Feb-19 18:08:08

Some libraries have storytime which mothers attend with quite young children. Mine used to love to go to the children’s section and choose a book to take home. I have looked after all my five grandchildren and they all used to cry when their parents left but didn’t continue for long when I diverted their attention to a toy, book or game. It is only natural to feel apprehensive but you will have a lovely time together.

Wren5 Sun 10-Feb-19 18:42:37

I feel so touched by all your supportive messages, it has helped me so much, I must admit I feel more confident now & with all this fabulous real life experiences you have all given me I'm ready for my 1st Day, thank you all, you have all been so helpful , cannot thank you enough thanks

Lily65 Sun 10-Feb-19 18:46:24

They do seem ( understandably) to like other little people, even if its only a short time at a playgroup or in the park.

Esmerelda Sun 10-Feb-19 18:52:33

You are the very best of grandmothers Wren and I'm sure your grandson will soon realise how lucky he is to have you as his gran ... enjoy your time with him as he grows. Well done!

GabriellaG54 Sun 10-Feb-19 20:14:42

Wren5
Just a hint to let you know that apostrophes ' only show that there is/are a letter/letters missing or to show possession ' Jacks' dog or it's (it is)

Gets, points and hours do not have apostrophes.

Urmstongran Sun 10-Feb-19 20:33:41

Perhaps that message could have been sent as a P.M. Gabriella as it might have been kinder?

I think the OP has enough on her plate tonight without thinking about apostrophes!
?

Oops! Just thought.... I could’ve done the same haha! ?

instagran Sun 10-Feb-19 20:58:38

Gabriella meant Jack's dog, I feel sure.