Hi I am new to this board and whole forum actually. I had read a post that somehow found its way into my facebook stuff by someone claiming to not enjoy being a grandparent. Seems they turned out to just not like the grandkid's behavior.
I plan to read through here as I have time but was just wondering if anyone felt the same as me. I feel like I must be som aberration of nature. I just really don't eel a connection to grandkids.
I never wanted kids. was never evr my goal to have them. never felt connection to children at all. but when I found myself pregnant after just getting married , we never considered any other option. She was our child. I struggled through being mom to a newborn without help from family. we did some pretty stupid things I cringe at now in her care. but we tried and eventually a second child came along a few years later even though I think I was on the pill. decided to not take any more chances after that and had the tubal. I love my kids. at least as well as I know how. my love isn't perfect God knows, but I try. we did as much for them as we could as they grew up. took them and their friends to skate, movies church stuff. made their friends welcome in our home.
I like spending time with them.
was perfectly happy when both married their SOs. Would have been happy if it stayed that way. never pushed for grandkids. but for my daughter they came. She and her husand are doing a so much better job as parents with them than I think we ever did. I am glad for them. the first we didn't live close enough to interact with much and I was good with that. but I felt for my daughter. her husband travels a lot and she was stuck with the kids by herself a lot. the other g mother lives close and stayed with them to help for a few weeks. I mostly saw my role as coming to visit for the day as I could , monthly usually and trying to treat my daughter to special dinners out or take care of her . I held the grandkid but I never did and still really don't feel a connection and he is almost 5. they just had a second and we moved closer to be there to help. my SIL got over a month of paternity time to help when both kids were born. I try to feel a connection to this one, I know I am supposed to. I am happy for my daughter. It took her a while to like having a child I think but she does really well. but I just feel no real connection with the kids at all. I see my role as helping her again. taking the older one for a few hours so that after she feeds the baby. she is nursing it, and it sleeps , she can have free time. that is what I would want as a mom. felt like I lost myself when I became a mom. I know others feel they found themselves when they became parents. I couldn't imagine life without kids after they got older and wouldn't have traded having them. right now I am feeling I am losing myself again with grandkids. I work 4 10 hour days a week. then on my first day off I try to either take older one for daughter or do something with all of them-- which seems to morph into the whole day gone. then the next day, my husband is off and we seem to end up either watching the older one or having them all over for hours. the last day we try to save for ourselves. but I do somewhat resent not having the free time I used to. I watch other grandparents and they happily take the gks each day to help parents and love spending time with them. to me- its an obligation.
my son isn't planning to have kids. I am more than good with that.
does anyone else feel this way though? I feel like such a terrible human being. they are supposed to be this treasure. grandkids are supposed to be the joy of life,I like them ok. they are somewhat interesting for short amounts of time but frankly after an hour I am more than good for at least a week, if not longer. I do what I do as a grandparent for my daughter. I never had close family.. maybe that has something to do with it. never had any experience with babies growing up, my mom never took role of grandma really. I just know if I moved away and never saw the grandkids again, I don't think it would bother me that much. does it change as they get older?
am I alone. are there other reluctant grandparents out there?
