Naughty Step

I don't think its too early, but am only basing that on 'superNanny'.
Its a minute for every year. You'd have to round it up to two.

Yes, I'm a fan of Super Nanny myself.

I just ignored the tantrums at that age. Ensure the child is not hurting himself and wait it out. Praise and positive reinforcement when the child is calm. Of course this is difficult when you are away from home.

From age 2 is recommended I think, but only if the child is really capable of understanding what they've done wrong and that it's a consequence for that behaviour. Most 2 year olds I've worked with aren't really at that point yet, so it all depends on whether you think your grandson could understand that yet.

I tend to go with sodapops approach of ignoring at that stage. Or if out in public just a firm 'no' and then distract them.

Having a tantrum isn’t being naughty if you’re two! It’s just normal behaviour.

I’d be ignoring that behaviour at two. Choosing your battles is important, and they’re doing it to get attention. Reacting lets them learn they get attention for bad behaviour, so they’ll do it all the more.
I took parenting classes for many years, and it was mostly like Supernanny’s techniques, the main difference being that 5 minutes was the longest time in time out, and the timing only started when the child is quiet.

I've never liked the naughty step. The problem with it is that if you meet a really obstinate child you have no way out. You insist child goes on naughty step, they don't, you insist again and what might have been a niggling little incident takes up a whole afternoon. It is supposed that the child will eventually give in but there are some who won't. And the original reason for the discipline is lost somewhere in all of this.
I always went for a commanding "NO" and a frown with "Granny doesn't like that". I think the key is building a relationship of love and care where he really wants to please you.
As far as temper tantrums go have you monitored when these happen? A tired or hungry child is much more likely to have one. I always go for distraction- looking for something, pretending I've seen something etc. Very firmly saying no is useful too. I think the thing to remember is that although we may attribute reasoning to them, for toddlers it is a scarey emotional experience and they actually appreciate an adult taking charge. A big cuddle when they begin to calm down is essential as well.

23 months? Just coming up to the terrible 2s, the age when he wants to assert his independence and have everything his way.

The naughty step does not work for all children. My DD once she got to the naughty step, would have completely forgotten why she was there and start telling herself stories, singing little songs, making up pretend games. When told to apologise and join every one she would look at me blankly, not knowing what I was talking about and say she was there because she wanted to be there.

Similarly she would 'punish' me, if I did not do as she wanted, doing exactly the things you describe, Coolgran65. She always made it quite clear that she could bring herself up quite satisfactorily, without my constant interference.

How did we manage. I am not sure, but we did.

My two youngest GD 's fight ,they have the same personality the I'm the boss one.I used to put them on the naughty step but after just a few times the knew when to go sit on it themselves and would happily wander hand in hand down the hall and sit themselves down.Did it stop them fighting? Not at all, but at least they knew they shouldn't.They were a bit older than 23 months though I think thats a wee bit young

I think his behaviour sounds the norm for 23 months.My granddaughter was always quite happy to go to the naughty step,my daughter realised DGD had put a collection of little toys on it in readiness for when she was naughty!

I'd broadly agree that 23 months is too young. He won't understand it enough to stay there, and as trisher says, it can escalate.
I think the 'naughty step' can be useful for some children.
I would say that your DGC is behaving typically for his age. As for getting him to pick the toys up - usually at this stage I would let them be (unless something might get broken or trip me up!) then when the tantrum is over, get them to hep me pick them up and return them.
I think that maybe your DGC is a little uncertain about rules - he has 3 settings (and a childminder or nursery as well?) to understand. And you feel less certain in this set up. I would talk to your son, and possibly, if it would work, with both parents and say how you like to do things.
Good luck

I never tried the 'Naughty Step' with my own or DGCs. Never used naughty at home or work! Always described what I did not like. Naughty is too abstract when you are 23 months!

My lot were just normal kids with good days and bad. They knew when I was not happy with them because I just ignored them. DD2 would try to turn my face round to look at her!
Your DGS little world has changed and routines too if parents are no longer together. Hopefully he is young enough to adjust easily but he will sense things. 23 months is the time he needs to push boundaries and discover just what is acceptable or not! Try the ignoring & physically turning away after saying firmly Do not throw xxx 'and see how it goes..it works for a lot of kiddies. Just keep a secret eye to make sure he (and your belongings) are safe

My daughters dog used to eat the cat's food then go and sit on the naughty step.

MissA

Having never used a naughty step either for children or grandchildren I have no idea if 2 is too young, but would guess that it is.
At that age I would say to the child ‘no, we can’t do that ( whatever he wants to do) ‘ but we can do...blah blah’ it usually worked.

I did exactly the same as PECS, a very firm No, do not..........
then ignore and physically turn away, making yourself look busy, even walking away, say into the kitchen to make a drink, or picking up a book to read.
I did this with my children and five Grandchildren and it worked with all of them.
I was with my daughter and oldest Grandchildren, 20 year old twin girls and we were talking about kids being naughty, (I can't remember why,) and the girls said that the worst punishment was Grandma ignoring them, until they were good. Daughter said, she remembered it well. ?
As soon as they are good, I was once again all sweetness and light, so it was a very obvious change in my demeanour.
I never 'faced-up ' to them or directly challenged them as then you have a war of wills, which makes a not very good atmosphere.
As soon as they were 'good' again, there would be no mention of the incident from me, for instance, the toys thrown off the table, I would just say, "let's pick these up, shall we".
I'm not into "naughty steps".

I must say, I did this at an older age than 2!

I would go for the positive reinforcement when he's good. Praising a child for not having a tantrum and explaining, "You've been SO good today, no tantrums, well done."
is IMHO better than taking punitive action when they are naughty.

Children have to learn good manners and what is acceptable, but at 2, the only way they have to show disapproval or frustration is to fling themselves down and scream.
Leave them to it, then later at a quiet time say, 'You were very angry, weren't you? What made you so angry?' and give them an alternative to the full-on paddy.

Talking things over with granny is great when you're 9 or 10, impossible at two, so what could he do to get rid of his frustration?

My dgs had one of those sand-filled inflatable things he could bop.
He wasn't a bad tempered child, far from it but had to go through a very hard time and situation he found difficult to cope with. Bashing this thing helped.
What could your little fellow do to help him cope?

The phrase 'naughty step' for this particular technique is of very recent origin. The technique has been around for centuries. When watching Supernanny and the like, I often used to wonder what would have happened if they had a child who refused to co-operate with the procedure, I do not mean screaming and tantruming, just uncooperative, like DD simply turning it into something she was happy doing.

It is up to the parents/grandparents to study the child and then decide what is the best way to work with the child to either make them understand when their actions are wrong and that wrong doings have consequences.

Thank you all so much. I do agree that dgs is still too young for any naughty step, I was thinking more of.... when on earth was it introduced with the other older dgc because this wee lad's going to be a handful .
Truly he can be such a joy - but sometimes when he doesn't get his own way... well... he definitely has his moments.

It was really good to be reminded that most wee ones are just the same and that at present I should continue to ignore what I can - just as I have been doing.

I do use the firm 'No, don't touch' and my 'Granny's not pleased face' both of which often work even if he does turn his face away for a minute and won't look at me. It's the very willful moments that I was thinking about. You have reassured me that the present methods of dh and myself, which pretty much mirror what has been discussed above, is as it should be.

Also, while he appears to be very happy and content with Daddy, and while with us, you have indeed reminded me that he is coping with so many different situations. I was saying to my dh last night that when with Daddy he might well be happy but must also wonder where Mummy is. And of course, the other way around when with Mummy.

We are on civil terms with Mummy and she sometimes picks him up from our home. However, there is no way, certainly at present, we would be getting into any conversation with her, we keep it limited to.... dgs was well, ate well, how many soiled nappies etc. Bye bye, safe home. (There have been too many misquotes in the past).

I've thoroughly enjoyed reading your posts and have to say that I had to smile at some of your stories.

Totally ignore it would be my advice.

Agree ignore behavior if tantrum.
Distract if possible. (Balloon in pocket is useful)

If child is doing something they shouldn't then I would get down to a childs level (in some cases would pick them up) and say 'No' and give short explanation eg that is hot,it will burn you.
Then a cuddle.

A 2yr old is not naughty.
His/Her brain is just working out what is going on his world.

Stand firm negotiate and say " no" giving eye contact . I use thinking time in my preschool room 3/4 years old and that does help . Although your grandson is still a little young for thinking time he will continue to grow by standing firm.

I have never used a naughty step. Back in the 70's with my own two children I don't think I had even heard of it and it hasn't been used with DGS either. Made friends with a professional nanny when at play sessions with DGS and she advised distraction techniques with pre-school aged children before a real tantrum or battle-of-wills developed.