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Grandparenting

Grandchild distressed when I leave

(42 Posts)
GagaJo Tue 25-Feb-20 19:02:14

I've been my grandson's 'significant other' for all of his life (1 1/2 years). He doesn't see his dad and has always lived with his mum and me.

The problem is, I have recently moved to work away and am only able to go back to see him about every six weeks. Last time I was there we had a fantastic week.

However, after I left he was inconsolable. He cried for most of 2 days. Wouldn't eat or sleep. Things calmed down a little after that although he was distressed with his sleep pattern disrupted for about a week.

I hate knowing this. One of the reasons I left (other than needing a new job) was because his mum and I can't live together peacefully.

He's too little to explain things to. Help?

GagaJo Wed 26-Feb-20 21:41:10

Some lovely ideas. Thank you ladies. He is a dear little soul. He's a late talker, but last time I was home, we were snuggled up in my bed, watching the Twirly Woos, and I said to him, "Does your Gaga love you?" And he replied "Yeh." in his squeaky little voice. He melts my heart, honestly.

Just worried the Swiss borders will be shut for the virus now and that I won't be able to go next time.

jura2 Wed 26-Feb-20 21:50:26

Unfortunately, you are in a location is Switzerland which is very expensive. However- ski season will soon be over - and it should be quite cheaper then to rent a holiday place, something for them very close- or for you to perhaps sublet yours, while you rent a larger place for a while to see how they like it.

He is not at school yet- so not a problem.

Can't imagine flights to UK stopping or borders to eU being closed. There is a possibility the border with Italy will have tighter checks- but not the Geneva route unless it becomes a real pandemic.

Namsnanny Wed 26-Feb-20 21:51:01

Oh goodness, I hope that doesn't happen!

Yogagirl Thu 27-Feb-20 09:56:38

Agree with Dumplings

This thread has made me very sad. The last time I saw my beloved GD she was trying to open the door for me [normally could] calling nannie, nannie We were very close, I chose her name & thereafter she was named after me. She and her mum lived with me [before her stepdad came along] & I was like the second parent, as no dad on the scene. She must have cried for me in those first few months, as I did for her sad and must have asked to phone as she used to every day.

Alexa Thu 27-Feb-20 10:53:40

If your daughter does not do paid work, could she would she move overseas near you?

Namsnanny Thu 27-Feb-20 18:34:27

Yogagirl ...I'm so sorry this happened to you flowers

GagaJo Thu 27-Feb-20 20:12:23

I'm so sorry Yogagirl. Absolutely heartbreaking. I feel for you and your grand daughter. She will contact you independently when she's old enough.

No, Alexa. I can't afford to rent here. Too expensive. Best I can manage is to go home every school holiday. Although maybe not at the moment. I'm not sure it's safe.

It's a problem without a solution. No teaching jobs for oldies in the UK.

maddyone Thu 27-Feb-20 20:15:29

Hi Yogagirl, I haven’t seen you post for a while. I understand there hasn’t been any improvement in your very sad situation then. I’m so sorry.

Greymar Thu 27-Feb-20 20:16:03

What about a lovely soft toy....if you want to get serious I think it is called a transitional object?

maddyone Thu 27-Feb-20 20:19:21

I agree with you Gaga, I think Yoga’s granddaughter will contact her when she’s older, she won’t forget those first precious years.
Age discrimination is against the law in Britain Gaga, but I think that the teaching profession is highly discriminatory with regard to age. I speak as an ex teacher.

V3ra Thu 27-Feb-20 21:57:45

maddyone when I was a school governor and on an interview panel, the head pointed out he could have one newly qualified teacher plus a teaching assistant for the same money as an older experienced teacher. Sad.

maddyone Thu 27-Feb-20 22:18:59

Yes V3, I heard that too. I was Teacher Governor for a few years. There is also some inbuilt prejudice along the lines of ‘older teachers are set in their ways and don’t accept change.’ My experience showed otherwise to be honest, plus I think it’s shortsighted to dismiss the experience of the more mature teacher.
Gaga proves a point, how dedicated must she be to commute termly to Switzerland, leaving an upset little grandchild at home. I know she has said she needs to work, but it’s shortsighted and discriminatory for her skills to be dismissed in this country.

Starlady Fri 28-Feb-20 06:12:11

Oh, GagaJo, my heart is aching for you and your little GS. For him, I imagine it's the same as having parents divorce. I doubt he knows the difference between 6 weeks and 1, etc., but when you come back, it must mean a lot to him. And then when you leave again after a "fantastic week," I can see where it would be very hard for him. Poor little guy!

IMO, you have been given some wonderful suggestions. And I'm glad that skyping helps. I also think it might be a good idea for his mum to plan a fun event or two for him for after you leave and/or the next day to help distract him from his sense of anxiety. Perhaps you could suggest it though, in the end, it's her call.

Yogagirl Mon 02-Mar-20 10:23:19

Hope you can get some sort of solution Gagajo and thank you for your kind words.

Also thanks to everyone else for your kind words too xx

SueH49 Wed 04-Mar-20 06:29:33

With you coming and going every 6 weeks the poor little soul probably is very unsettled. He just gets over you going and you are back again. It must be hard for him to understand just what is going on.

GagaJo Wed 04-Mar-20 06:47:17

I know SueH49. He is JUST back in his sleep routine now. But the alternative, is that I don't see him. Although, the virus, it might be safer at the moment if I don't travel. But then I won't see him until June.