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Grandparenting

New baby during lockdown

(10 Posts)
Delyth Wed 29-Apr-20 23:31:56

My daughter will be having a cesarean to bring her second child into the world at the beginning of June. I am shielding due to health and even though that might be finished by July, she's been told that no one outside her household is to visit the baby for the first twelve weeks. I am concerned how little help I can be while she copes with a very active three year old, a new baby and getting over a cesarean. Normally I could have at least held the fort for her to have a few breaks but all I have is skype or the phone. My son in law is likely to be taking any chance he can to work due to coronavirus-related financial issues. Any ideas how I can help under these circumstances?

SueDonim Thu 30-Apr-20 00:40:32

It’s very hard for everyone, isn’t it? sad

It seems to be a given that you won’t be able to help physically but maybe you can help in other ways. Do you have enough spare cash to be able to pay for a ready-to-cook meals service such as Gousto or Hello Fresh? Could they use a laundry service for bedding etc for a few weeks? Another option would be to help them out financially so dad doesn’t need to go out to work for a wee while.

Also help the parents as much as possible to prepare ahead by thinking of what will be needed and making sure it’s in place before the baby is born. I’m sure others on GN will have good suggestions.

The parents will get through it, even if it’s a bit of a muddle, and I’m sure moral support in the form of brief calls and chats with the older GC will help.

V3ra Thu 30-Apr-20 01:09:10

Will there be extra visits or help from the midwives after the birth?
Your daughter could ask if the local social services homecare team can offer some practical support.
Exciting but worrying time for you.

kittylester Thu 30-Apr-20 07:26:08

Local pubs and restaurants round here deliver meals - either hot or ready to heat. Better than Gusto and the like as there is no prep involved and it is probably cheaper.

silverlining48 Thu 30-Apr-20 09:40:37

Try not to worry, they will manage as we managed with no help offered or expected from our parents. Things have changed of course and we do and are expected to be more involved, but they will be fine.
It’s sad you won’t see the new baby fir a while but again, many grandparents are in the same situation for many reasons.
Time will pass and the cuddles will be extra special and all will be well. Congratulations.

Maggiemaybe Thu 30-Apr-20 11:20:00

The new mums now are having to manage without midwife or health visitor visits as well though, silverlining48, and they can't just pop round to see a relative or friend or to the baby clinic for a change of scenery and a bit of support or reassurance.

The main issue for us pandemic grandparents isn't that we're pining for cuddles (though of course we are!). As the OP shows, it's more that we're worried about the wellbeing of our children and their newborns.

Delyth, I hope the restrictions, at least on physical contact with health professionals, will have eased somewhat by June. I think they'll have to, as many new mums need more help than they're getting. Those stuck in small flats without support from live in partners must be struggling.

On a practical level, make sure that your daughter has a good stock of size 0 nappies, just in case, as they've been hard to get hold of quickly. Our new baby arrived early and has been swamped by size 1s, however much they tried to adapt them to his little body. Also, get her a proper baby weighing scale, as she'll need to report his progress to the midwife team by phone. DD1 has had to resort to laying her baby on a chopping board on top of her kitchen scales!

Some of the 2020 arrivals' baby books are going to be a good read, aren't they? First visitors - none, first trips out - round the block (again), appointments - none, weight - well, at a guess...... grin

Clawdy Fri 01-May-20 08:29:33

This is almost exactly the situation we will be in at the same time, and it's worrying me so much. My daughter-in -law is expecting her second baby,after eight years and several rounds of IVF, and we were all so looking forward to June! All our plans to help, with her, the baby, and our eight year old grandson, are now looking unlikely. Not even sure schools will be back. She has a c-section booked, and apparently our son can be there, but only if someone could mind grandson of course. Such a big worry.

Clawdy Fri 01-May-20 09:54:54

I hadn't heard about the twelve week no visitors rule? Is that for every new- born?

Maggiemaybe Fri 01-May-20 14:27:04

I haven’t heard of it either, Clawdy.

Newmom101 Sat 02-May-20 07:00:26

Clawdy and Maggiemaybe it’s not in any official guidance from the government but it’s the advice midwives are giving to pregnant women and new mothers. I’ve just had my second child and was asked several times by the midwives, both community and in the hospital, if I was planning to keep the baby isolated from visitors for 12 weeks and had I already informed family of this. They were really concerned about it, my midwife said it was due to the risks of the baby developing pneumonia or sepsis if they got the virus.

OP, I agree with the idea of sending meals or deliveries. You could also try and Skype the three year old during times she is preparing meals or feeding the baby, to try to distract them for a while? Maybe send the toddler a gift, or a few little things occasionally to give them a new distraction. Hopefully by the time the baby is born some of the restrictions will have been lifted, then your SIL could take the toddler out to parks and maybe the farm (according to the one nearest me they have plans to enable social distancing measures) to give your daughter a break. Other than that there’s not much you can do, but I promise they will cope. I have a 3 year old and a newborn born during lockdown and were coping fine. It’s actually quite nice in a way, we’ve been able to spend a lot of time just the four of us and not have to worry about us or the house being presentable for any visitors!