14 year old GS rebellious at school

I should have said that he has medium level dyslexia and hypermobility which makes him fidgit about a lot. He isn't a brilliant communicator as self conscious about his dyslexia.

What does GS want you to do? What does his Mum say?

GS doesn't want to change schools, just wants to finish school. Think he has just shut down as next 2 years are important.
DD has agreed to set up a meeting with school. Think she is at her whits end with him.

what does he want after school?

Definitely insist on a meeting . Something has gone wrong here clearly and the pastoral team need to talk to your daughter and possibly you as well ?

Poor lad. This is distressing for all concerned. He needs support rather than blame. I presume the school is aware of the domestic issues. A few questions which you might wish to pose to the HT and HoY:-

Is he given any extra help in school with his dyslexia?
Does the school have a nurse or counsellor to whom he could talk?

It’s good that you are there to support your DD and GS and I hope you are able to arrange a meeting at the school ASAP and that it will be productive.

Have you considered talking to the School’s SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator) as GS has dyslexia? There should be a review for all parties to attend to discuss what is the best way forward for GS.

If you request a meeting go with positive suggestions as to what you think will work to modify his behaviour. If detention isn’t working with him, what will work?

Most parents want a school where children are well behaved, attentive and considerate towards each other, Most schools strive to create that. The difficulty comes when a student chooses not to conform to that.

You both want the same thing. Your grandson to have a successful school experience. Do you know exactly what the behaviour is that results in daily detention? How do you think the school should respond to his behaviour?

I expect your GS is aware of famous people with dyslexia. Some schools have displays about them to boost morale in their dyslexic students.

www.helenarkell.org.uk/about-dyslexia/famous-dyslexics.php

Our grandson is in a similar situation. Lots of detentions ! We find it very hard to believe as all we have ever seen is a gentle and caring boy . Like your GS he does have additional needs. Is switching off learning and resentment is building! My DD is of the opinion that leaving school at 16 and taking an apprenticeship may be the best way forward for him . I am inclined to agree, I think being in the adult world where he can study and learn skills will be the making of him. I wish him luck.

I wish your GS luck !!

It sounds to me that your son needs an EHCP as he has conditions which impact his education that the school need to address. They can also take into account his mental health needs. Get your daughter to contact your SENDIAS at the Local Authority and don't let your school deter her. Schools will apply for an EHCP in the worst cases but will not encourage them because the school becomes legally compelled to accommodate the provisions within them. However, parents can apply for them and there is plenty of help out there to get one.
Dyspraxia, hypermobility and dyslexia all impact on your education. Brain fog is common for people having these conditions and often they learn in a different way to others. My son has been through this. He has dyspraxia, hyper mobility and scotopic dyslexia and I recognise exactly what you are experiencing. He had his own laptop in class which helped a little but the distractions were not so easy to resolve in a busy classroom. He responded well to praise but more often got criticism from busy teachers who were trying to juggle 30 other kids who also had their educational needs to be met. We saw a private Ed Psych and they felt that if we could keep our boy on the right path (he'd started truanting) he would find it easier as he reached adulthood and could make his own decisions. It was important for home to be a safe space so he always felt supported somewhere. Our eyes rolled quite a lot until he got there (he was the classroom clown to cover his embarrassment) and we were frustrated by a bright boy who seemed to be determined to kibosh his education but he is now in a good job and understands the need to earn good money to support his family.

Thank you for all your help. There is a plan in place through SEN, but sorry, forgotten the name of it. All the teachers are supposed to read it, but not the PE teacher who made him to rugby in yr 7 or the geography teacher who ripped pages out of his exercise book.
SENCO seems overwhelmed with the numbers of children that need help.
GS would also like to go down the apprenticeship route, and he likes the teacher who is helping all those doing that. There is just a real fear that he will end up getting excluded.
GS also has a solid relationship with my DH/ grandad who is helping him in our garage gym to gently build muscle around his wobbly joints.
I know teenagers can be tricky, and this upset year has not helped, plus him finally speaking up about his father.
The only activity recently that he said he enjoyed was painting his room, so I suggested a painting and decorating apprenticeship.
I admit that I am annoyed with the school even though they have had a tough time too. I feel they are letting him down.

Santana you say your DGS has friends which is good. My DGS similar situation but worse in that he was constantly bullied. Gave up on education completely as he viewed it as being a place of abuse and suffering.
Now a few years on, he has just completed first year at college and is doing better. Finding activities your DGS can do away from school might help. Joining a cadet scheme perhaps or gym , somewhere where he meets other people.
Certainly meet with the school and get them involved. Good luck

That's sad Doodle. I'm glad your GS is making progress. There was some big boy pushing him around in year 7, but the group of friends all came up from primary school together and stuck together.

My DD and SIL also worry that their sin will be excluded. He is also the ' class clown' and that gets him into trouble!! His needs are being addressed to some extent, but teachers have a difficult job and I understand how one disruptive pupil can cause chaos. I am very worried as it is something new for me , my children didn't have those problems. I do think that school is not the best place for my GS. Study combined with work may be the way for him . Painters and decorators will always be needed, may be something my GS might consider. Many children are entering university and that is not necessarily the best place for them , they may well have the intellect but emotionally it can be disastrous,!!!

Your GS's behaviour sounds very similar to my GS's at the same stage. He was constantly being sent out of class, on detention and once or twice, temporarily excluded. His parents got to know the year head very well! He was, eventually, diagnosed with ADHD. His dad (DS2) managed to get him some sessions with a Psychiatrist who deals with these issues and he was given some medication. At about this time, he also found himself a girlfriend who was (is) a nice, well-behaved teenager - everything he wasn't. She did him the world of good. She introduced him to Tae Kwon Doh which he continues to enjoy. He ditched the medication which he said made him feel sick; started to take school seriously and they did some homework together. He doesn't disrespect his parents and teachers and no longer fights with his younger brother. During this terrible year of in and out of school, he has managed to keep up with the school work and has realistic hopes of being accepted for 6th form.
I know that your GS has a 'difficult' family background and that this can explain his behaviour, but close liaison with the school and particularly with the SENCO is essential and maybe the possibility that he had ADHD could be investigated, if it hasn't been already. It's good that he has such a great relationship with your DH. I've always had a special relationship with my GS and he will talk to me about anything.

Sorry that I’ve nothing more to add about your GS’s current situation but I would just like to offer some advice re apprenticeships. Please do some research regarding the new style apprenticeships. The college/training provider side of it is far more academic than it used to be and he’ll be recording a self reflection of what he’s learned in the workplace most days. He might struggle to get one without his maths and English GCSEs - and if he does manage to, he’ll have to pass both of these subjects in functional skills to achieve the apprenticeship. I know he’s a couple of years yet to go but employers are very picky at the moment as there are few apprenticeships in lots of the subject areas (and many redundant trainers!) and a lot of potential apprentices. Good luck with it all x

Thank you Papermonster. He did have some extra, private maths tuition pre Covid, so hoping that can begin again soon.
School are supposed to provide him with I pad for English as he can't write that well.
If we can get him motivated, then we can help, but stuck in reverse at the moment. I guess that has to come from within him.

Hi Santana, I am so sorry to hear about your DGS struggles. Firstly one of mine were diagnosed at age 16 with dyslexia. Has he seen an educational psychologist? This should be organised by his school or can be done privately at a cost. They will assess him and offer a correct diagnosis. Also with dyslexia, there is often a need to see an optometrist as the eyes can be affected. In my AC case, the optometrist found he had binocular instability which had to be corrected with special glasses. The school have a responsibility to put actions in place following these experts to aid your GS. It sounds though like there is alot more going on eg his violent father. Has he seen a counsellor and been able to talk to a professional. Has the school got a guidance teacher or someone he trusts to open up to? Is there a chance he could also have ADHD as my son was not a fidget as this is not a dyslexic trait but definitely ADHD. It could be though that the hurt and terrible situation with his father has upset this poor lad so much, he just doesn't know what to do. Please seek all the professional help you can for your DGS. Unfortunately in this mad world, schools are not always the best at helping kids. My son went to a private independent school and they still did not pick up on his learning disabilities. Had I not taken action after alarm bells rang, following a conversation with someone whose child had just been diagnosed, I would have let my child down dramatically through relying on the school to pick up and deal with any issues. To give you some positives, my son has gone from strength to strength and is going into his final year of a masters in engineering, something pretty diagnosis and help, I would not have thought possible. Help is out there, I hope things get better for your DGS. Please pm me if you need more info x

Schools are just a nightmare for any child who is not neurotypical. They are so set on success and grades they have lost sight of teaching children. I do hope that your grandson finds a way ahead.