Being fat and out of control - fat shaming

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I am overweight too. Size 20 and weighing goodness knows what - last time I stood on the scales in the nurse's room at the surgery (I don't have scales of my own) I weighed 100 kg, whatever that is in English. I don't like seeing myself in photographs if they are 'full body' shots, and avoid mirrors if at all possible. I have one thin as a rake friend who I now avoid because her constant 'have you tried Weight Watchers?' or 'Why don't you join Slimming World' etc is very wearing. If she cannot accept me as I am then I shall keep her at arms length. I have another fat friend who has, earlier this year, had a gastric bypass (or some such) which involved having surgery that has left her with a stomach the size of a walnut and which has made her feel so ill that she has a job to cope and wishes constantly that she hadn't bothered. I have learned to accept me the way I am, a wide woman on a narrow boat, married to a wide man on a narrow boat, and am mostly happy with life as it is. Occasionally, very occasionally these days, I yearn for the slenderness of my youth, but, whilst I am healthy and eat my vegetables, leave off the sweets and puddings, walk the dog daily and do several circuits of a riding arena volunteering weekly (or weakly!) for my local Riding for Disabled group I am happy to be the way I am.

Isn’t it sad that women have all those hang ups about aspects of their body?
It’s a different mindset to most men, isn’t it, who always think they look ok ( even when they don’t.)

That's a really nice story rosecarmel
100 years old, Wow!
I bet she has/had so many interesting stories to tell.

There's beauty in that approach, Gabriella- I recently met a 100 year old woman who even in her frail condition radiated an absolutely relaxing acceptance of who she is as a woman-

I have no body 'issues' rosecarmel because I don't let any body imperfections blight my life.
It's all about not letting yourself become obsessed with aspects of your body that you can't change, otherwise one can become excessively sensitive.
You need to love yourself, know your worth but carry it lightly.
Not giving a damn what other people think is very freeing.

I agree notanan2 , my weight only went up when I stopped smoking. Seacliff, find a supportive GP and ask for a referral to an eating clinic soon as- you are way too good for a life of being so hard on yourself, you wouldn’t ( hopefully) feel bad about seeking help for any other addiction. Lots of ?

seacliff, if you wish to speak privately with a group you can set up a private chat using Chatzy and invite whoever else is interested in joining in via email- No registration necessary-

Below is a list of body parts that women have insecurities about:

head, hair, neck, face, ears, skin, nose, eyes, lips, chin, teeth, shoulders, back, breasts, waist, hips, stomach, abdomen, buttocks, vagina, anus, arms, wrists, hands, fingers, fingernails, thighs, knees, calves, ankles, feet, toes, body hair, body fluids, pimples, scars, freckles, stretch marks and moles

Having no body issues is rare ..

I’m fat too. I’ve been losing and regaining since I was around 45 and I’m 73 now. Never thought I’d be bothered about weight at this age! I began snacking after stopping smoking. I remember that feeling of something missing after a meal or a drink, biscuits or cake was a substitute, now I seem to be addicted to them instead.

Seacliff I am really overweight. Since retiring early with poor health I am not active enough, but if i do more exercise I pay for it for about 5 days afterwards. My friends still work so I get bored and lonely at home. Medication I have to take has side effort of weight gain. I think I eat when i get bored. I don't eat sugary things but cheese is my weakness. My dh is too kind to me and says he loves me whatever but that does not motivate me to lose weight, The menopause has made it worse so I know how you feel. I am considering hypnosis. Join me in trying to lose 2 lbs each week up until Xmas. x

I once read somewhere that overweight people are just as malnourished as skinny people are. That might seem counter intuitive but (as a fellow overweight person), I finally managed to stop gaining weight. How? Balancing all the food groups, exercising portion control and having a good high protein breakfast. My main meal is at lunchtime and. Evening supper is akin to a snack.

The other two rules are no more food or drink after 8PM, (water only)... OK, if it's a weekend, it's your birthday or there's a party. Maintain reasonable limits on sugar, salt and fats.

Counting calories gives me too much anxiety, so instead I avoid having seconds. A delicious dessert can be enjoyed up to two times a week.

Stay well hydrated, eat lots of fiber and take a course of (high quality) probiotic or yogurt from time to time to balance your gut bacteria. Walking is good exercise too. I don't even adhere strictly to the above, and have not gained any weight for the past ten years. I hope this works for you. Hug ( )

Wow, I have just got in from work, and I'm really overwhelmed and very touched to see all the kind replies, and some private messages. Thankyou all so much. I never expected such a response, and such kindness. As you can guess I was very down yesterday and this morning, but all your supportive comments have truly helped. I really am very grateful.

In some ways it is good but sad to see there are quite a few others who feel the same. Some names I don't normally see posting, and I do appreciate you posting your personal feelings. It is a shame there isn't somewhere we could all talk freely in confidence about these issues. It is definitely a emotional problem, not just greed. I hope this thread helps some of you too.

I am feeling like I want to have another go at cracking this. I have not had time to read everything properly yet, but I will. Some suggestions stand out as particularly good ideas for me. I'm going to print off some bullet points of things to try. I'm at work again tomorrow but then off, and will have more time to read everything. Really heartfelt thanks to you all.

Seacliff, I was so sorry to read how difficult things are for you. I hope the support of others on here will help you.

I currently have a 2019 paperback book from the library called Brain Changer, by Professor Felice Jacka. On the cover it says:

"Obesity and depression are two major causes of disease and disability across the globe and each influences the other.

Food does affect mood: highly processed foods increase depression risk, while a balanced, whole-food diet can prevent depression and improve mood."

Dr Michael Mosley says on the front cover "This is a fascinating book by a leading researcher".

As well as the latest findings on this - "You feel how you eat", there is a recipe section and a one week menu plan.

I hope that you might be able to get a copy through your library (and no, I don't have any connections to the author or publisher!) and enjoy reading more about what you are currently battling alone. I wish you luck, however you tackle your problem, and hope you update us on your progress as so many here are wishing you well.

Seacliff. Please dont beat yourself up. You sound like a lovely person and thats whats most important.
There are good hypnosis tapes and videos on You Tube which could be helpful and they are free.
Thinking of you.

Hi Seacliff. You poor love. You're not alone you know, there are loads of us out here in the same boat, in my case, a rather large one as well! My daughter is also very obese and it's affecting her health, and she's only 34! She has yoyo dieted for years and years to no lasting affect. She is at her biggest now at a size 26-28. I persuaded her to go to her GP and amazingly, they referred her to the hospital obesity clinic, a local service that investigates why she over-eats through counselling and group support on a fortnightly basis. She has been told NOT to diet but they have given her just small steps to take e.g. eat breakfast, try walking home from work twice a week etc. This will continue for about 12 months and at the end she will be given the option of continuing with the course and having weight reduction surgery on the NHS. Go and see your GP and see if your local hospital offer anything like it. The amount of money the NHS save by using these methods far outweighs the money they spend on all the various ailments obese people suffer with. Good luck and let us all know how you get on eh?

You're right that food is an addiction for 2 reasons. (1) that we are taught from a young age to "self soothe" ourselves using it (rather than being offered emotional help), and (2) the food that we mainly use to do this are loaded with sugar and refined carbs - both highly addictive - did you know that sugar (for some people) is actually more addictive than cocaine? I was out of control with food for a long time before I managed to get counselling for my emotional issues, plus I did a plan called Bright Line Eating - you can go onto their website and take a free test to see where you are on the "food susceptibility scale" - some of us are highly susceptible to getting addicted to certain foods; it's not being weak willed, it's in our GENES. The founder of BLE published a book on it. Also, look at the books by Dr Michael Mosley (from his BBC programme) - the Blood Sugar Diet (you don't have to do it to lose weight - just to learn how to cook and eat food that is higher in fat, which is more satisfying, and has no sugar and refined carbs in it). Don't blame yourself - blame the lack of psychological support in our society (in my area there is currently a 18 month wait for psychological therapy!) plus the food industry that uses super cheap ingredients to get us hooked. Hang in there - change IS possible and you can do it. Good luck x

Your post makes me feel sad for you. I’m overweight myself on steroids too for many years due to bad health etc, if it was so easy to lose weight love, there would be no overweight ppl we would all be slim. It’s very very hard, yours does sound like you have an eating disorder and I’m guessing the more you eat as you are unhappy the more weight goes on. Have you any friends you can speak to or family about this, Are you able to go out walking or any form of exercise, my heart goes out to you, yes there are ppl that judge they have no idea about what another person goes through, could you start going to Slimming world where you would find others in the same position, I know it’s going to be a big step for a start, they are great places, where everyone is supportive to one another Good luck

Lizzypop gives several of the sensible strategies that you get by attending one of the slimming clubs. They have programmes if you choose to do it where you write down what you eat each day. That does focus you. And also ways to stop having the triggers that make you want to eat. And how to form otehr habits, not the ones where you have a donut at this time because you did last time. The encouragement is that you can form good habits as well as bed ones.

And as you lose the weight and keep to the plan, not ever being hungry and not cutting out all nice things but trading what you want for what is less fattening, your stomach shrinks! After 14 years on the plan I can no longer binge really! When we have a special occasion and a takeaway I can no longer really pig out! So it does get better. And i actually feel better and more comfortable sticking to the plan. If you begin it gets easier!

Hi - just responding to LolaRose4 post about the 20% part of calorie burn so to speak being attributable to exercise, I applaud her running but what about problems of stress incontinence? What other forms of activity do you recommend? I’ve just bought new swimming costume and plan to park on other side of town to get there (have to drive - live in village some distance away). It’s going to take courage with all the very visible self harm marks on my arms, though once in the water I should be ok.
The whole thinking around weight makes me despair having an Anorexic daughter who last year spent most of the year in an Eating Disorders unit, 70 miles away from home at 14 yrs old. She’s still stick thin now and seen weekly by CAHMS unit. It’s caused such stress for her, her sister and me.

Sorry to ramble. I’m glad this post was started though.

Historically, the incidences of extreme, difficult to control obesity began to rise in the era of the prodigious use of BPA laden plastics - the 1960s. BPA is a recognized endocrine disrupting chemical and leaches into the food it comes in contact with and then into the body of the consumer.

The endocrine system is the collection of glands that produce hormones that regulate metabolism, growth and development, tissue function, sexual function, reproduction, sleep, and mood, among other things.

BPA is gradually being removed from consumer products but research into its permanent effects from past usage, especially fetal exposure, has been limited.

I have been over weight/obese most of my life. Three years ago my daughter got engaged and I was determined to lose some weight before the wedding which was to take place only 5½ months later. I am 5ft 3in and was 16 stone. I managed to lose 3 stone, so still over weight but oh so much better than before. I didn't set myself a target, but worked on the basis of 1lb at a time. Each time I lost 1lb it encouraged me to lose another. I cut out virtually all processed food and ate natural foods. Having worked hard to lose the weight, I was determined not to let it slip back on. I lost a further ½ stone after the wedding but that bit did slip back on. However I am still 3 stone lighter than I was, and am now starting to work at losing more weight in time for another wedding in a year's time. 1lb at a time is my mantra! Don't set yourselves impossible goals as failing is so easy.

What a good suggestion

your age has nothing to do with weight gain . Also it’s 80% food and 20% exercise. It’s knowledge as well in eating the right things that will keep you fuller for longer and not craving sweet stuff . I’m a great believer in exercise as it helps mentally as well as physically . I’m 58 running is my first love and I also attend the gym . Park run is such a good place to start , you don’t have to run you can just walk . I would love to help this lady ? xxx

Hi seacliff...you may benefit from some cognitive behavioural
Therapy...food should be enjoyed...if you are eating a lot of carbs which turn into sugar in your body you may be addicted to its high and low effect...i joined a low carb eating page and in two years have changed my relationship with food. Its not easy to change a habit but life is about choice and you may need to make the best one for you...loads of ideas and support here....you are not alone.