Poor memory

I had a difficult childhood, but not sure if that’s to blame for my poor memory. I too have difficulty with people’s names but will recognise faces. I know if I get stressed words just disappear.

I forget simple words when I’m talking to someone. This happens umpteen times a day and started when I was about 20. I know the words haven’t been erased from my memory because I can easily use them in future conversations. But if someone offers me the word I’m looking for I think they must think I’m thick or stupid. Last night I couldn’t remember ‘National Health Service’. And it’s on TV all the time at the minute! I kept saying, “you know, the free one” then “the one everyone can use and not pay for it”. I felt so stupid when DH said it for me...

I too have always struggled to remember people's names. I can recognise someone I may not have seen for 40 years or more but I can't recall their name! I am more of a visual imagery person, and because I draw and paint, people's faces, features, expressions and mannerisms stick in my mind. I struggled with history lessons at school, all those kings, queens, battles and dates, and I'm useless at card games!

Now that we have grandchildren our DILs often ask did our sons do 'this or that' or at what age, and to my horror I can't remember! Things such as when they started walking or talking or what vaccinations they had should be etched in my memory, but they aren't. Perhaps it's because at the time it was simply another expected event in our busy daily lives. These days every small milestone in a baby's life is recorded and celebrated.

This last year we did a lot of tidying up and clearing out and DH remembers without fail where we put things perhaps 10 or 15 years ago and why we put them there. He's amazed that I don't remember, especially when it's something of mine. It's as if once it was out of sight my mind closed a door on it forever.

As I get older memories and incidents from my childhood and youth often spring to mind with great clarity, just like it was yesterday. But ask me what we had for dinner three days ago and I won't have a clue! I can remember my first ever bank account number from 54 years ago but I can't remember my mobile number! My GM had senile dementia for the last 10 years of her life and it started with a similar pattern of memory loss to mine, but I'm not going to worry about it I've got too many things to do which I hope will keep my mind active and reasonably sharp for a few more years. Now where did I put . . . . . . .

My long term memory is exceptional as I can remember the first time I walked at 18 months. I was between the wall and the sofa. My mum held me at one end and my dad held a silver lit cigarette lighter and called me to walk and blow it out. Also remember several things from early childhood at 2 3 4 5 years. I don't know anyone else who can remember that far back.

That’s amazing Sazz1. Like others on here I have trouble remembering things in the past. I was interested in what others said about the effect of trauma on memory because at the age of five my father died while we were on ‘home leave’ in England and we never returned to India, the only country I had known since birth. I was good at exams, being able to remember facts, however soon forgotten afterwards. I also have face blindness and find hard to remember or distinguish between similar faces. This has led to many an embarrassing moment and very difficult when I was teaching.

This reminds of the subject being discussed on the Jeremy Vine show some years ago. One particular caller told the story of how, walking along the street one day she spotted a chap coming towards her whose name she just couldn't recall. He must have noticed her confusion because, as they met he leaned towards her and said " it's Peter, I'm your brother"
My memory is bad, but not quite that bad!

I’ve always had an excellent but selective memory - can remember every word one person said and nothing another said etc. But post hysterectomy I would start a sentence and lose the train of thought. Frightening because I immediately thought Alzheimer’s. But it turned out to be a testosterone issue. As soon as I took the replacement problem solved. I wonder how many people are wrongly diagnosed.

I have a very good memory for faces and names. I remember everyone in my class at school and could probably name most of their siblings too. My husband is hopeless with names and anywhere we go has to ask me names of partners, children etc.

I cannot for the life of me remember dates of battles, kings, queens, prime ministers or anything else to do with history. My husband can rattle all these things off easily. Similarly, I can read a book and reread it a couple of years later and remember non of the characters or the plot. Husband knows immediately, on first paragraph that he has read it and can recite the plot, even from years ago.

I've never remembered anything from primary school age and just a little from secondary. I remember late teens and twenties, then I got married at 30 and that's the years I'd love to forget! I've found now in my mid 50s, I forget peoples names quickly, names of products, etc. I've been blaming it on brain fog with the menopause. Only this morning I spoke to my friend telling her I couldn't remember one of my neighbours names and it's been bugging me. It's been going on a fortnight now and I've been up& down the alphabet to see if it will come to me, but no. I watched my uncle in a care home with others who all had dementia and it was heartbreaking for me.

My memory is a constant source of worry to me. I have a very good memory of my early years. I had to memorise a very long poem when I was about 13, for my English class. I can still recite the entire poem, and do so frequently, just to test myself. I do however, have lapses in memory, did I turn the iron off? Did I lock the outer porch door, and find myself repeating the acts to check. Invariably, I did it first time round. I did a short course in mindfulness and I think this is what I lack when carrying out certain functions, my mind is on something else, so I try to say out loud what I am doing, just so that I am in the moment, as it were. I had an extended course of chemotherapy some years ago, and it was after this that I began to notice my inability to recall names and general facts. I have heard this described as 'chemo brain' so I think that might add to my own problems. I also had an unhappy childhood, but I don't feel that this particularly affects my current state. I suppose as we age, things begin to slow down too, particularly the brain. Best wishes.

That's fascinating OvertheHill.but how sad too.I can sympathize as I had a difficult Mother too growing up in the 1960s

My memory is appalling. I have friends with whom I trained in the early 60s who can remember people and incidents that, if asked, I would say had passed me by. One particular friend remembers the names of all the people in her set.

Now at 77, my short-term memory is struggling but, I am told, that could be partly due to the lock-downs this year. I also forget words that are there right up to the point when I mean to say or write it and then it just vanishes until later in the day. I would rather it were there when I needed it though. ☹️

I forgot to say (?) that I was lucky to have had a very happy childhood with no traumas.

It does concern me how much I rely on my phone for prompts and reminders. Not just for important things like appointments weeks or months in advance. If I think of something during the morning I want to do in the evening, eg phone a friend, I set up a prompt in my phone for the evening or I’d never remember.

I was sexually abused from the age of 7 until I was 14 by a close family member.

Sadly, I can remember every detail of the abuse, but nothing of my childhood, and, although I won a place at grammar school, I could not retain the information and finished with very disappointing GCE results.

Perhaps the two were linked but it's too late to rectify it now.

I have always had a good memory still have, although sometimes I have a relapse I live in another country and consequently speak that language, I hope my native language never leaves me, I try to keep up with everything going on in the UK as it is important to me, thats why I appreciate GN daily, it keeps my mind occupied and is good for the memory I am sure.Occasionally if I am stresssed can forget things, as age is creeping up on me!

I used to know the Latin names of plants. Now I have trouble to remember the English names. The only other thing is people’s names. They come to me some time later.
I think the brain must be like a computer and it takes time to scroll through it .

Sazzl: you have said earlier on the thread you can remember many things from when you were 2.3.4. and five years old.

I too have good long term memory and have found many others cannot remember too far back. My earliest memories
go back to me being two and a half years old and living in the home my parents had even now I remember it so well. We lived there until I was 5 years old and then moved so I remember going to my first school and all those early days.
It is only in the last year that occasionally I will be trying to think of a word and cannot remember it and then a few minutes later it comes to me. I blame it on my daughter who has given me a lot of stress and I am hoping it is nothing more.

I have what I call the credibility gap. Actually incredible!! Can sometimes take 3-5 minutes to recall someone's name even though I know it full well. This doesn't happen often but I'm talking tip-of-the-tongue well known like??? Helen Mirren. Really frustrating. Thankfully I no longer allow it to be embarrassing. I just let it go and, so far, has always returned. Fingers crossed........

Unigran4 I’m so sorry to read what happened to you in your childhood. My dear friend was in a similar situation to you as a young child. She kept it buried all her life till aged 67 a few years ago. Her GP referred her to a counsellor and she found the sessions really beneficial. It’s never too late to seek professional help if you haven’t already ?

I have a very clear memory of an incident that I'm told never happened.
I was aged 12, supposed to be keeping an eye on my baby cousin, then looked round to find he was floating face down in my grandmother's lily pond. I ran to get my uncle who was gardening. He leapt in and got the baby out, perfectly unharmed. I got a terrible telling off from my mum and my auntie, the baby's mum for not having jumped in myself to rescue him. I couldn't swim and didn't know how deep it was, so I thought we would both probably drown, better to get his dad.
Many years later I happened to mention it, and my auntie and mum both said I'd imagined it, it never happened. I can't believe that they would ever have forgotten such an incident, so I must have imagined it. But it remains a very clear memory to me. Wierd.

By the way, if you go to the kitchen and can't remember what you went in for, that is quite normal.
If you can't find the way to your own kitchen, that is time to worry.

My husband has a really good memory for places and events. I’m not so good, but if he reminds me where we ate and possibly what we had, I have total recall.

I had 3 children and after each one, my memory got worse. I always say they stole my memory.
I’ve never been any good remembering dates. Like the date of someone’s birthday or what year an event happened, even if it’s something personal. I know what year my children were born, but I’ve forgotten their birth weight. Which should be etched on my brain.

I’ve come to think over the years that on the whole clever people have good memories. They study and retain the information. Which helps with exams.

I had an awful time as a child and have no memory of my life prior to leaving home at 16 but I do have deep rooted memories of my maternal grandparents who were lovely from what I remember. I have always put it down to trauma as I can be reminded of things by my elder sister sometimes so I think I just ‘choose’ not to remember.

I used to have a very good memory and couldn't understand how my mum had forgotten some quite memorable moments from the past. I do understand now.

My DD, who is a neuroscientist, is currently writing an article on dementia and bilingualism. She says that memory and identity is intertwined, and that cognition - thinking - seems to be the best way of preserving our memory and thus our self. Learning another language can help to strengthen the memory. Basically, it's a case of use it or lose it. It might be worth a try.

I started learning Spanish with DuoLingo during lock down but got bored. DD is brushing up her French and learning Swedish, so I might give that a go. My DH speaks Gujerati but that doesn't seem to be widely available and the fact that it doesn't use the Roman alphabet, of course, makes it much more difficult. (I can say a few things in Gujerati but they tend to be about food or are much too rude to say in public.)