Why would my 65 year old Mum want to have a power of attorney

We were in our 50s when we organised our POA. Gives us peace of mind.

My mother very sensibly set these up well before they were needed - and they certainly were, since maybe 10 years later she developed dementia.

Nobody knows what’s around the corner - an accident or a severe stroke could leave someone incapacitated and unable to voice their wishes.

Once dementia has taken a hold it can be very difficult to set these up, since the person will often become suspicious of anyone’s motives and imagine they just want to steal their money. And typically, they will not understand, or be able to remember, that there’s anything wrong with them at all.

welbeck

Lavazza1st
but some relatives are after elders' money, so it is not necessarily a paranoid belief.
i have seen several examples of just that situation.
in some cases it would be better if a person appointed non-family members, if they have close tried and trusted friends.

Excellent point Wellbeck.

No children myself and only relative = a lovely brother (who has a wife that I do not altogether trust). For this reason, I'd be looking at close trusted friends, if they would agree to do it.

Plus as a safeguard, maybe the POA could be lodged with a solicitor and it could only be used if there is categoric proof that the person concerned has lost capacity to manage their affairs. If it is the same solicitor who will eventually be dealing with the person's will, surely they would not charge a fee simply for storing the person's POA ?

Lavazza1st
but some relatives are after elders' money, so it is not necessarily a paranoid belief.
i have seen several examples of just that situation.
in some cases it would be better if a person appointed non-family members, if they have close tried and trusted friends.

Power of attorney shouldn’t be related to age, it’s something everybody who is an adult should do, for health at least, and for finances if they have any assets. It’s important to have one for your health, as unfortunately accidents and adverse health events can happen to people of all ages, and you want somebody who has your best interests at heart making decisions about your treatment and care if you are no longer able to. Your mum is being very sensible.

We went through this with my then 84 yo Dad a couple of years ago. At the time Dad was extremely reluctant to give my brother and I Power of Attourney for his (quite complex) financial affairs and also any future care needs, fearing that by doing so he would lose control. He had these fears even though he was quite adamant that he wanted my brother and I to manage these affairs for him if he was ever unable to do so himself due to mental incapacitation.

It took quite a few conversations with us trying to make Dad understand just how costly and complex the alternative of applying to be Deputies with the Court of Protection would be. It was a hard one for him to get his head around.

The thing that enabled Dad to feel ok with applying for POA for my brother and I in the end, was when I framed POA as being a sort of little insurance policy, that Dad could just file away and which we would never be able to be use until/unless he did ever reach a point where he was mentally unable to manage his affairs.

Dad then insisted on using the services of his solicitor to take out the POA's for his financial affairs and care needs. The solicitor charged a fee of £800 plus VAT for a seriously simple piece of work, plus there were the fees for the POA's themselves (£82 each I think it was). This has really become a money for old rope industry for solicitors, when as quite a few of you peeps here have rightly pointed out, its a pretty straighforward form filling process. That said though, using a solicitor gave Dad piece of mind that there were not going to be, in his words 'any c...k ups', so it was worth it from that point of view I guess.

Sadly, Dad passed away suddenly and unexpectedly this Summer. And we never did need to use the POA that he gave us, as he was as sharp as a whip right to the end,bless him.

@M0nica so sorry to hear that. It does sound a nightmare and adds stress to an already stressful situation as well as probably taking a lot of time.

I would agree with you 100% because if you cannot access your money and a relative has to apply to a court of protection it could take months! Either you would go without during that time, or someone has to bankroll you. Both are far from ideal! Also, you are running the risk that you may not get the care you would have wanted.

One of my AP's is resistant to a POA, fearing a loss of control, sadly.

Lavazza1st I and a cousin had to get PoAs through the Court of Protection for an aunt and uncle and I have known other people who had to get them that way as well. It is a difficult procedure and getting expenditure approved is a nightmare.

I would say to everyone, for the sake of who will look after you and your affairs if you become incapacitated, please, please, please, choose your attorneys and make a PoA as soon as possible. If you knew the problems that not having one causes those who you love best, you would all be getting it sorted this afternoon.

If someone is incapacitated and doesn't have a POA, relatives can apply to the court for an order to manage their affairs for them (I haven forgotten what this is called)
Obviously this doesn't cover their medical wishes, but if they had bills that needed paying or financial needs then someone could apply to the courts on their behalf to access their funds for them.

A POA would always be best, to ensure that a persons physical and health wishes are respected. For example, one elderly relative has had a DNA in place for years. Another aged almost 80 has not got a POA and is resistant to the idea because they think their relatives are "after their money"! .So sad that someone would fail to get their basic needs met because they are so paranoid.

Every adult should have a POA. It will not be invoked until such time as the person is incapable of handling his/ her own affairs. This does not only happen because of mind destroying illness but through surgery going wrong, strokes leaving you unable to communicate either orally or physically, accidents leaving you in a coma and so on. In such circumstances the person you have appointed has your authority to act on your behalf, the alternative being the health/social service authorities assume the responsibility and the family is not consulted about anything. When you are at that stage Court action to be appointed as guardian for the incapacitated person is both complicated and expensive. It's much better to arrange things for yourself while your can.

Reading Money Saving Expert recently he advised that everyone should have one in place, you never know what might happen. Road accidents, strokes and so on can happen at any age, it means you have put your wishes down on paper.

Have been reading all about POA and LPA.

If you are on a low income (under £12,000 per annum) or live on your own and receive the 25% council tax reduction, you may be eligible for reduced payment. Up to 50% not sure how up to date that info is so maybe check.

Getting POA in place whilst you're relatively young and mentally cogniscent is as sensible as getting your will drawn up. No one knows what's around the corner so best to get yoyr ducks in a row sooner rather than later.

As has been said, a good idea. We have done ours.

ermmm Im 64 not 54 (lost 10 yrs somewhere)

We first had PoAs when we were in our 40s. My sister had just died in a road accident and another road accident involving a family whose children were at school with mine, made us realise that we needed to be prepared for all eventualities.

We first made wills after our children were born in order to ensure who would bring them up if anything happened to us and ensure the financial arrangements.

As others have said, making the PoA gives your brother no powers until it is activated. Your mother is in fact being very sensible in making sure that if she suddenly becomes unable to look after herself, age is no protection against strokes heart attacks or accident, someone has powers to represent her interests.

I think the reason she is doing this now is to avoid the conflict she fears would happen round her bedside between you and your brother if she became incapacitated not having put one in place, or since, you state the she is cause of the estrangement, because she does not want you to have any say in her care if she becomes incapacitated.

But that aside, basically there is nothing remarkable about a woman of her age making a PoA, many people much younger than she is have already signed such documents. It is a sensible thing to do as she reaches old age.

There isn't really for much for you to discuss with your mother over making the POA. You may want to discuss with her why you have not been included, but, personally, I wouldn't

My mother’s solicitor recommended that she gave me Power of Attorney years before it was needed. At the time we both had a Why Would We Need It moment, then decided it was probably a good idea. As it happened years later she developed Alzheimer’s and it was such a blessing that we made that decision. Consequently my Dh and I had Powers of attorney drawn up for ourselves in our late 50s. Done, dusted, forgotten about until needed.

While your mother is able to make rational decisions about her future I think it is very sensible. Remember when doing the power of attorney it is entirely up to the person who decides what he/she wants and chooses. Some families think it’s up to them but it isn’t.

Luckygirl

By the way, I did ours online with no problem - I downloaded and printed the forms which come with detailed instructions. You have to be quite systematic as things need to be signed and counter-signed in a particular date order. Registration costs money, but there is a very generous discount scheme based on income - savings were ignored when I did it. WE got a reduction.

Same with me. I downloaded all the forms and filled them in with my sister and brother-in-law. You have to pay a fee to register each of the 2 Powers of Attorney you take out but these fees can be reduced depending on if you are on any benefits. You don't need to pay a solicitor to do these forms for you. You could maybe get help from somewhere like Age UK for assistance with filling the forms out with you, or family members.

By the way, I did ours online with no problem - I downloaded and printed the forms which come with detailed instructions. You have to be quite systematic as things need to be signed and counter-signed in a particular date order. Registration costs money, but there is a very generous discount scheme based on income - savings were ignored when I did it. WE got a reduction.

We organised ours when we were about 50. It does not become active till registered, but we chose to register it straight away.

How very glad I am that we did this! My recently deceased OH became completely unable to deal with anything at all and the PofA meant that I was able to organise and pay for the care he needed without any complications.

I imagine that for you it is more complicated because you are estranged from your mother and will not be involved at all. But just leave them be to get on with it - it is a very sensible ting to be doing.

I think some people may be worried that once someone has POA that it automatically allows the ones that have the power to suddenly take over their money etc.

This is what worries people, we have just sorted this with my dad, he was reluctant at first as he thought we were going to empty his bank accounts and steal his money .

So the Solicitor explained in detail to him and he then understood why we need to have this POA , It cost over £1,000 to sort with the solicitor.I believe you can so it on line for around £100 but because we wanted it all done by professionals so that my dad knew it was all above board we had to do it that way. There is no property involved and its the LPA and the health side as well.

There is no way I could afford that so will be looking at doing mine on line.Im 54 and getting ready to sort it whilst Im still compos mentis.

She’s doing the right thing and probaky with your situation knows your brother may be the only one she has contact with. You say you care and would like to help does this mean you would welcome contact? If so I would do it. Ow for your questions to be answered.

I no longer have close family, only cousins who know zilch about me. I have chosen 2 friends so all is in place if anything happens to me.

I think it is an extremely sensible thing your mother has done. As others have said we do not know what is around the corner.

As others have said it's better to plan ahead and can only be invoked if your mum loses capacity AskingQuestions.

If there's no POA in place and someone loses their capacity to make decisions, every legal/financial and sometimes medical decision has to be taken to the family court for approval. A lengthy and expensive procedure.