Boris in Isolation-where is he? what will he do?

continuing Amazon order (other sites are available)
bag of gobstoppers for sister
calculator for Matt H
meal voucher for Rishi
glassses for Dom C
cyanide for Dom G
dance lessons for Theresa
blunt knife for Michael G

Not just lemongrove, all of you. Great job!
Thank you everyone.

Christmas overseas present list now folks:

birch sticks for Angela with which to whip her, Nice!
A lead figurine in Emmanuel's galette so he chokes on his words
Some L'Oreal revitalift filler for Brigitte
Lumps of coal for the Austrian bloke, (bound to begin with von der something)
A few gnomes and trolls for Donald
Can't possibly write down what I'd like to give Melania
An Easter bunny ornament for Jacinda
Crikey how much is all this postage amounting to? On my measly salary?

Jeremy Corbyn Annual 2018 for Sir Keir
Warm undies for Ian Blackford, must be cold under that kilt up there in bonnie Scotland (or whatever he calls them)

Carrie, I need to get onto Majestic about Christmas ..... No, not that lot of scrounging toffs. Singing We Three Kings in the kitchen is about the closest we'll get this year.

No, the Christmas drinks list I forgot to do yesterday afternoon.
Can't be seen ordering any Glühwein or Jagertee, definitely no Cava or Procesco. I guess Champagne and Calvados are off the list too. Never really liked Ouzo, nor Carlsberg or Stella Artois for that matter.
Hmm, ok it'll have to be whisky then and maybe vodka. Maybe some sparkling water from gogogogoch, unless they produce something alcoholic using seaweed over that way.
Oh well, at least I might make a few savings on the booze this Christmas, what with my measly salary. Carrie, have we got any Majestic vouchers in the drawer?

What a great thread! I am seeing lemongrove or Ole Nomgrev in a very different light, I don't think I will accept that cup of tea from you, thank you , last time I sipped one of your cups of tea I came over all peculiar. It is interesting that even despite our many differing political opinions on here, nobody, but nobody thinks he is ill or deserving of anything other than gentle mocking. I wonder if dad Stanley pops onto GN? Maybe he could tell Boris about this thread?

In the ratings of political threads GillT57 I think this one is scoring a straight 10. Fab u lous! Or am I in the wrong place again?

This working from home lark is rather good.
I had no idea when I told everyone else to do it!
I wish I'd invited more infected people round earlier.
Of course we have to pretend that No.10 is a Covid-secure workplace or all the staff will run off and I'll have to make my own tea as Carrie is too busy running the country.
Best of all, I'll miss PMQs tomorrow - can't stand being questioned. Why do they expect me to know the answers?!
As for all the fuss over my saying devolution north of the border was a mistake. Everyone knows I love the union - and all unions actually- nudge nudge, wink wink, know what I mean.....
That reminds me - should I send that American blonde Jennifer a Christmas card this year?

I see the old biddies on an internet forum are giving away all my secrets. You can bet your bottom dollar that the information will be in the papers before long.

Best of all, I'll miss PMQs tomorrow - can't stand being questioned.
Well stop leaping to your size 10 feet then, just stay sat on the bench Boris!

Quite a productive afternoon, after a quick lunch with the family I got on with some ideas I’ve had kicking about in my head for ages, I did some very enjoyable drawings of a bridge I had planned from Ireland to Scotland ( or from Scotland to Ireland) I can really see it working....unless there are galeforce winds or high seas or something, but that’s just details.I have also been poring over the map to see where’s a good place to re-site the House Of Lords....this took me ages but have found the perfect location, Bridlington! It has all the things older people like ( sea, sand, deck chairs, bingo!) plus it’s far enough away to be out of our hair.I’ve never been there or heard of it but am sure they will all love it anyway.
A short tea break after that ( with a small KitKat, Carrie has banned the large size) and then an advisor came to tell me that the President of the US was on line one for me ( a secure line).Alrighty! Is that John Biden I asked the spad, ‘no’ he replied that’s Joe Biden but it isn’t him.’ “What on earth are you saying then, you said it was him” ....the spad looked confused, and I was certainly confused until he sighed and said ‘ It’s Donald Trump, sir’.Oh, that President “I said “I thought he’d gone” and picked up the phone.
Donald sounded peeved and said he’d been waiting for me to
Ring him and talk about his new State Visit here at Easter.He
Wanted me to know that he and Melania wanted to travel all around London in ‘the golden coach’ which should be drawn by six dappled grey horses.This visit was news to me, but managed to umm and err a bit in a Hugh Grant sort of way which most Yanks find charming.Donald was having none of it though and wanted details of the full itinerary, I confess I had to wing it, so there will be visits to a whisky distillery in
Mayfair, a golf club in Whitechapel, a royal hunting lodge in Islington, a castle in Tottenham followed by archery lessons in leafy Acton.He seemed pleased but told me his enemies were everywhere, he won the election but vote rigging and Satanic forces were trying to oust him, and that he was at present holed up in the Oval Office with the White House itself guarded by 70 million loyal supporters.After exhorting me to pray for him and if possible to bring forward the State
Visit to January, he rang off. Phew! Why didn’t anyone tell me about his blasted State Visit, something else for me to worry about now.I rang down to the kitchen for a large KitKat and threw myself gloomily into the recliner.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, good morning that handsome chap with fine, golden, fluffy hair like a cute little Easter chick and skin like a baby’s botty albeit with a touch of nappy rash. Oh god as if morning ablutions aren’t tiresome enough the lumpen proletariat have cleared the shelves of loo roll again. Carrie will you go down and see if any of the snivel servants have got a Guardian we can cut up.
Going to have stop eating peas and sprouts before 2050 if we’re going to deal with gas emissions,
Oh well on with the business of the day, let’s get breakfast done.

Oh I’ve missed this thread, and just come across it?.

Some of you have missed your profession? Such wit.

Love it.

What a stonkingly good and inspired idea to move the House of Lords to Bridlington. Might be tempted to give Bercow a peerage just to get him up north and out of my lovely fluffy hair.

Come on Whitewave I’m sure you can add another dimension, looking forward to your contribution.

Lemongrove are you really BJ going incognito on GN?

So funny. Yet scarily might all be true!

Yay! Corbyn is back ! Always makes me look sooooo good!
My supporters loathe him and I was actually getting a bit worried about the other lot what with them having a titled leader......

If Boris has any sense he will have a good look at who he surrounds himself with and not choose more non-elected hangers on.

MayBee70

So he should. Especially as he’s fit as a butchers dog and full of antibodies (well, he’s certainly full of something). Maybe he can spend his time thinking up three word slogans.

Though I did feel he was being very insensitive to those who have had to bury a loved one. But, he's ok let's all rejoice!

Curses Carrie found out about the large Kit-Kat and staged a wobbly, accused me of all sorts of things like not caring and not being capable of sticking to my promises, cheating and other general failings (I think it was just about the Kit-Kat). Anyway today's a "cleansing salad day". Mea Culpa an all that. She also says she's going to "work with me" because she's not just a pretty face. Tried telling her a few of the other bits were looking OK to me as well. and let my hand wander a bit. But apparently it is her brain I have to recognise. She's clearing out Dom's desk. I've opened a file and I'm reading it, well I look as if I am.

Sitting here with a mug of tee held to my forehead ( old boarding school trick, always fooled Matron) trying to get my temperature up high, get the face all hot and red, and maybe Carrie will send me to bed with a barley water and I won't have to face Starmer, even though it will be an online PMQ I still don't fancy it. Better get the room staged and ready just in case, can't be beaten by bloody Schapps, cripes, he even had a red box sitting with the lid open, all the intelligent books set up in front of camera, what a creep.

oh, I must be developing a temperature, I made a spelling mistake, should be tea, not tee.......Carrie! Carrie! I am very hot......well, that's what you used to say once anyway

Damn technicians. Now they have provided a video link to the House so I have to do PMQs after all.

Well, Dom offered to do it for me with a blond wig etc. So many Doms all of a sudden! Wanted to call the baby Dom but Carrie said everyone would think it showed a bit too much devotion. Anway, had to tell Dom C his north east accent would be a giveaway and he is supposed to be not talking to me.

As for Dom R, well he's just not up to it and the wig just wouldn't suit him. If he even tried it, all the reasons I picked him as second Secretary of State will be obvious.

Never mind. I won't need any briefing because I'm just going to say Corbyn should not have been readmitted to the Labour Party in answer to every question from the other side.

That'll get the few backbenchers allowed in the Chamber honking like mad geese.

50000 nurses, 40 new hospitals, 30000 police officers, anti Semitism, Corbyn shouldn’t be back, play and repeat

Put a little fluffy yellow chick on Andrew Neil’s head and Sir Keir will think it’s me. Won’t know what’s hit him when he answers.
More choccy biscuits please.