Stopped from seeing my grandchildren

It doesn’t matter what you’ve done. Help your daughter escape this dangerous situation. Those poor children.

Oh Lord what a dreadful mess. The more this goes on the less likely your daughter will make a clean break which is what should happen for the sake of the children and her health also.

If what you say is true, especially in regard to your gs, you should be informing social services and the police right now.

Right now !

I do hope you are a genuine poster. If that is the case I urge you to find a quiet hour and write down your concerns point by point. Send it to social services.

Also, not wishing to be unkind I would urge you to book a few sessions with a registered counsellor as a matter of urgency.

I have phoned social services I spoke to the manager I was told it's up to my daughter who she lives with and my gs8 would be in hospital if things were that bad I even told my dd I was writing things down and would take my gs8 to the police when ready to talk then my gs8 told me my dd had said that her partner won't get in to trouble they will take him away instead evil.i really have tried to talk to her my husband has said we have spoilt her she is only thinking of herself

Oh Pallmall1964 I am so sorry for your daughter, her children and for you. What a horrible situation. For what it’s worth, I think your husband is wrong. It doesn’t sound as though your daughter is ‘only thinking of herslef’, it sounds as though she is in a horrifically abusive relationship, emotionally if not physically. I urge you to do all you can to support your daughter, try desperately to not let her completely cut ties with you. Her partner is abusive, and that’s what he wants - to isolate her from those who love her.

I would also encourage you to contact social services again, not just regarding your gs, but explain the control/abuse that your daughter is suffering. They may be able to help your daughter to get away from this dreadful man. I hope this story has a happy ending, I will be thinking of you all.

Your OP Pallmall suggests to me that your D is in an abusive relationship and her children, your GC are at risk rather than a D who was spoiled as a child.

I'm shocked at the attitude of SS and suggest you become a thorn in their side until they take your concerns seriously.

I would suggest you visit Social Services if at all possible or failing that record conversations. You obviously have access to a lap top or phone so put it in writing today. We await their reply.

What were the actual words of the person who said " if it was that bad they would be in hospital"

Is the school the children attend aware there are safeguarding issues?

This site might be of use to you.
www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/

The Social Services are not always the best people to contact.

If it were me, and my GC were being hurt in any way, I'd be round there with some burly blokes to back me up... failing that, I'd ring the police on 101, which is a non-emergency service, or N.S.P.C.C.

You cannot, and should not, do nothing.

If Social Service are no good, you could speak to the NSPCC or the police.

Also think of talking to a counsellor. I think that counsellors have to report some matters to the police, for example if a client has been sexually abused and names the perpetrator. This could be an effective way as these kinds of complaints are taken seriously

If all else fails talk to your MP.

Lynne59 Well said I totally agree with you.

Thank you everyone for your input my daughter has asked me not to say anything to the school my husband tried to have a quiet word with school and they were quite sharp in telling him that my dd is the only one they want to talk to and they would not disscus my gs8 with him.i only get to find out anything has happened weeks later when she argues with him and then it comes out,she is more interested in telling me what he has done to her.he is constantly screaming at the gc he does not believe in accidents that's when he punched my gs8 when I first met his kids I noticed they ran away screaming crying when they had an accident also my gs8 caught lice from them five times my dd stopped them communing to the house he nor his wife wanted to buy the lotion for them I have offered to help support her if she leaves him but she says she does not want to be on her own,I have said what about the gc.she has not seen this at home her dad is easy going if I say to him I'm going on holiday for a week he'll say have a good time.he does not like the sun.

Phone the NSPCC or Childline if you think a child is being abused. Your local police will have a Domestic Abuse team. You can report it to them too. Your DG will be at school. Speak to the HT about your concerns. Tell anyone.

For pitys sake do something!
Never mind about lice - he slammed a childs head into concrete, and punched one in the stomach!

I'm going to go in a bit of a different direction here, but let me explain.

1. Yes, your GC are sadly being abused and you need to do something about that.

2. You want to help your daughter. I get that.

BUT.

You can't go in with guns blazing and take her out of there. Let me explain.

Women in abusive relationships are often severely isolated and beaten down. Often their self-esteem is in the toilet. They do not believe they could make it on their own. Their partner has taught them to rely on him for EVERYTHING.

Secondly, even if she does leave, there are risks involved. She can't just take the children with her - she could be accused of parental abduction. Moreover, there is a potential risk that the abuse could escalate and even become homicidal if she tries to leave. This isn't alarmist thinking. It is a documented fact. There are people who have been killed by their abusive partners when they have tried to leave. That leaves your GC with a dead mother and a father in prison. Their home would be essentially destroyed.

What you CAN do is report the child abuse. You can also suggest that your daughter look for a way to contact a shelter or a domestic violence hotline. If she is working away from home she may be more comfortable to contact them from her work or the local library, in case her partner is monitoring her phone and internet use. If they have a modern understanding of domestic abuse they won't just counsel her to LTB; they will also speak to her about safety and help her make a decision that will work for her.

Yes, ideally she would leave him. I agree. But the reality is that it's not that simple. The most you can do for now is support her and contact alternative agencies as the others have suggested. You might also see if you can help her put together a go bag - clothing, important documents, and cash. (Cash is best for a quick getaway because it can't be traced and can't be frozen.)

Social services won't take complaints by phone. It's better to visit your nearest office and speak face to face with someone.

Put your concerns in writing. Mention the words " serious safeguarding issues"
Do it this evening.

Be very careful with advice the grandchildren are not his children therefore he doesn’t have parental responsibility and no rights to access so Mom is safe to leave with the kids. In fact social services will take a very dim view of a mother who does not protect her children.

However as everyone again is quick to criticise social services I would like to remind everyone social care services has been cut to the bone.

Social workers have been criticised, harassed and slagged off in the media for generations. As a result they have massive, huge problems in recruitment and retention. The social workers that are still practising are beyond exhausted, stressed, tired and ever aware that they can not protect children the way they would like to.

Child protection work has a shelf life of around 18months/2years before the social worker will go find another area to work in. Over the last couple of generations social care has been badly damaged by the media, politicians because these children and families do not vote and are easy to ignore.

I would go back to social care and go to the manager’s manager and log the concerns but be aware the threshold for action is very high. It’s not the social care don’t want to act they just don’t have the capability to act.

Also I would log your concerns directly to the police as it’s assault they will then have it recorded and be aware of the history also they actually do have the power to go in and remove children if they need to under a special court order.

Also is it possible to check the boyfriends past police/criminal history. He sounds like the kind of man with possibly a criminal record and the police may want to be aware of the fact he’s living with a vulnerable woman and young children. It will also add to the overall picture of the situation.

What would you do with those burly men, the family will more than likely just pack up and leave with out a forwarding address. As the mom/girlfriend is clearly not at the point of leaving him yet.

My deepest thoughts go out to you though I can not imagine how you and your husband are feeling at the moment

The DD is at huge risk too if he’s punching his stepchildren/children he isn’t going to be averse to punching the Mom is he, it makes no difference if she was spoilt as a child.

Ah. I see. I thought they were his children.

I agree that if they're not his kids SS will take a dim view of his behaviour.

Is their natural father involved? I wonder if it would be possible for the children to spend some time with him.

Although you're correct in that she won't be charged if they're not his kids, the fact still remains that the violence could escalate if she attempts to leave. Sadly, as I said, there are cases where violence has become homicidal in these situations. Clearly that would be devastating for the children if the worst happened.

I'm not saying she shouldn't leave or that it's a bad idea. Rather I'm saying it's not as simple as just walk away. Sometimes, too, people have beloved pets that the abuser will threaten. Many women's shelters won't take animals so women will stay for their pets as well.