Change of holiday plans

That is a shame debi36 seems a bit unfair of your husband to spring this on you now. If you don't think he will change his mind then you need to look at ways of achieving your goals differently. Look at holidays with friends or family if it involves flying but there are also boats, trains, cars which you and your husband can share. Don't put your plans off, you deserve your holidays.

Thank you soda. Yes I will pursue my dreams. What I find odd is we have flown, we were quite adventurous before children, then trips with the children, then on our own when they were older. What we (well I) had on the cards were those once (or twice) in a lifetime trips to the other side of the globe.
DH loves his trains, reading timetables, planning connections (at 5am !). I know we must reduce our carbon footprint. It's just a bit of a shock.

Can you tempt him onto a plane to do some very exciting train journeys? For example if you fly to Europe you could get a train through the Alps, go north and travel acrosss Russia and back in a loop. Surely worth it for the sake of a short flight at the beginning and end of the trip. Of course you could go through the Channel Tunnel and spent month on an inter rail trip. Russia by train is amazing. Also fly to the Eastern Seaboard of America or Canada and take the train across North America, the Rockies, Alaska; again just fabulous. Takes lots of planning but can be done. There is also a company which arranges luxury train travel round India (lots of air conditioning, comfortable sleeping cars, luxury dining). These are dream, long railway trips, just punctuated on the first and last day with a flight. The Indian trip is surprisingly affordable for the luxury. Good luck.

Forgive me for saying but it sounds a tad selfish to suddenly announce that all holidays have to be by train ? Surely there has to be compromise on both sides and no one partner should have all their own way ?

You can take a train to lots of nice places....but be prepared for fewer holidays. I have relatives in Milan and visit 2 or 3 times a year. In an effort to cut down on our carbon footprint we decided to go by rail last time. It took 12+ hours involved 2 Changes of train and cost over £450 return each. Compared with EasyJet ..1.5 hours and less than £50 return each. I’d give him the challenge of organising and paying for the first holiday and see where you get to.

debi. I think he’s been a bit selfish too. Have you reminded him of all your joint dreams over the years. Some good suggestions about combined air and rail travel. Seems like your the only one compromising here, i’d tell him you’ve gone off the idea of trains and want more, bit tit for tat but it might make him think. Have fun where ever you go .

Why don’t you do holidays by train with your DH and go to the places accessible only by plane with a friend? Sorry but not a lot of sympathy from me as my husband can’t travel anywhere abroad due to ill health.

Thank you all for your thoughts and ideas.
Feeling I have the Canadian Rockies train journey on my bucket list (when I'm a bit older, less mobile) and am reminded of Joanna Lumley's TV journey about the Trans-Siberian. It's as others have said, it is rather selfish as these have been long held dreams, perhaps more for me than DH?
Vegan DH is in his element organising train trips, we've done many in the past. He knows which platform and even which part of the platform to stand so we can get in the correct carriage! But yes we have waited at 5 am for a connection so it is tiring.
I don't want to be sitting in my armchair in my 80's with regrets I never got to visit places I have always dreamt of. So will go on my own if I have to !

I see this is on the relationships thread so I am inclined to think it's more about the husband's odd behaviour than about the holidays.
Am I right debi36?
Although you do say he is keen on those timetables. It may be his reaction to retirement. All those dreams can change with the sudden realisation that you have no constraints like work, time, children, elderly parents or animals.

We are going to take the train this Summer. We did it 2 years ago and it was so much more relaxing than flying. You don't have to squash all your belongings into a handbag, stand around or walk for miles at airports or get there at some unearthly hour.

I let the man in seat 61 do the planning www.seat61.com/

I am currently working out how we can get to New Zealand by sea and train. It can be done....

Get a copy of this holiday brochure and leave it on the coffee table to inspire him? www.greatrail.com/ Good luck

After a few cancelled trains, broken toilets, closed restaurant cars, faulty heating/air conditioning, not to mention loud and inconsiderate fellow travelers, he might come round. Oh, I forgot to include bad backs...

Lots of good advice already given. I’m leaning towards the age old dilemma men and women’s retirement plans differ. Lots of my friends once retired the women want to explore and see the world as they have been at home bringing the children up,however the men as they have been out of the house working for approx 40 years they would rather stay local at home and potter. I read an article recently about how more and more older ladies are going off on holidays on there own due to following there dreams. I feel this will cause friction when the time comes for you to decide especially if he won’t compromise so be ready to go on your ventures and don’t look back.

How about the Trans Siberian route, you can get to Japan by it using the train and then a ferry. The Man in Seat 61 is a wonderful website and it will take you anywhere in the world with time timetables and information.

We use to go to the other side of the world but now we are older we find it harder to do so we are travelling Europe using the train. Don't give up on your dream.

Holiday with friends - long haul and do a fantastic train journey while you are there e.g. SA, USA, Aus etc. then enthuse greatly when you get home!!!

Lots of exotic holidays can be taken by train try the website for the man in seat 61 How to travel by train inUK, Europe & Worldwide

Sorry Barmyoldbat repeated your post??‍♀️

Yes but Humbertbear,theres a big difference in your hubby who CANT fly due to ill health, whom i sympathise with, and debi36's who sounds like hes simply digging in his heels to have everything his own way,yes he is being selfish debi36,so make the suggestions of the 'big train trips' or cruises,and if not see if hes suddenly become afraid of flying,as hes got older?maybe he can get help with that,if its the case? If not,then go alone or with someone else,or one of the single traveller companies,while you still can.and accompany hubby on the trips he will agree to.Good luck

Has he said why he doesn't want to fly - I mean has he got some kind of phobia? Or does he not want to be away from home for too long. You need to ask him and then consider the alternatives. There is no reason you can't enjoy traveling. You could both go on a round the world cruise or travel by boat and then take the train if it's the US or Canada. With the Euro tunnel you can travel all round Europe by train.
If he really won't come consider escorted tours - there are loads of them all over the world and singles are welcome. Saga offer a lot of holidays like this.
Don't give up. He is not the only one in your marriage.

I agree with all comments - he's selfish to spring this on you, and yes it's possible to make some great combination holiday, flying to one destination and training to the next. Of course we must all reduce our carbon footprint but we must also all think about self-care and if you're not flying back and forth across the Atlantic on a regular basis you can be excused a few flights in your retirement. Personally, I would speak with your adult children about your DH's dictat because that's what it is and when you say once his mind is made up that's it. Maybe you have allowed that to happen over the years because nothing he's ever decided has impinged upon your own plans but now he's changing the contract. Ask your adult children to discuss this with him and help you to point out the need for sensibility.

Environmental issues aside, which are laudable in 2020, I wonder if your DH has a health worry about the flying aspect of holidays now? Perhaps the thought of sitting for hours in the plane is giving him anxiety? Maybe his bladder is a problem and he is worrying about getting to the toilet in time? I empathise with him as although on paper flying looks calm and quick it can be stressful for the older traveller. I feel more anxious at 67 and I’m not flying again.

Your husband just give you the ticket to go and have a wonderful time. My husband and I can not travel together extensively as we have small children so I go off all over the world alone. Seeing how much I’m enjoying this escape he has taken the plunge to travel alone to Bali for a friends wedding which wouldn’t have been possible because the children are in school. You should look at some great train trips with him and some holidays for you. You will have so much to talk about on your return home.

debi36 I have a similar issue with my DH. He's announced he doesn't want to travel too far abroad and for only one week at a time. We've only just retired so a few months ago I persuaded him to go to New York for a week. I wanted to add on a few days to visit Boston being as we were so close but no, he refused! I'm still upset by it. This year we are trying a cruise, just for a week and my suggestion we added a few days on the end was again refused. I had dreamt of visiting faraway places and I feel so upset that my dreams are being squashed. We have no time restraints, we're fit and healthy and have no money worries, it's so frustrating. At the moment I'm biding my time but simultaneously researching solo trips.

If he's trying to reduce his carbon footprint, suggesting a cruise is going to do the opposite of that. Cruise ships are appalling, eco-wise.

Has your husband said why ?? Since he retired, mine has, at the age of 65, suddenly become so GREEN that my head is spinning (he's never been interested previously) including not wanting to fly but we've reached a compromise of just ONE flight together per year. The rest will be done by train AND I'm going to do more travelling with a widowed friend of mine who loves flying as much as I do (strangely, he was less than keen on the latter but it's his decision and I'm certainly not going to let that stop me!) Am already planning to go to Peru with my friend later this year - Machu Pichau being on my bucket list. Find yourself a travelling companion or there are travel companies for single travellers - a great way to make friends! Life is too short - get on with what YOU want to do.