Seeing someone out of a sense of duty

To me this reads as if it is an adult child that Sparkling is talking about and it must be truly heartbreaking. I think I would stop the coffee catch ups but I would get in to the habit of sending a letter once a month. A proper pen and paper snail mail letter, not a text or email. Buy some really nice paper and write a friendly, cheerful , upbeat letter. Be positive in what you say and never moan or whinge. If your loved one asks why you have stopped meeting, be honest but don't complain about it. Say you hope to hear back and would like to know what they are up to, but don't make a thing of it. This way you will keep all channels open but not have the despair of what sounds like dreadful meetings. Good luck.

This is manipulative behaviour. Goodbye needn’t be the hardest word when you actually know this person does not care for you. Break free and enjoy your life.

Why can’t everyone be kind, I have a similar thing going on, breaks your heart.

Sparkling, I think I would ‘cut loose’. It’s clearly not doing you any favours trying to keep contact with this person. Try making new friends - join the WI, U3A, or look in your local library for activities that you can do.
This person is not one you should want as a friend - she is just being rude.

Sparkling: that sounds exactly like my son. Except he never contacts me or wants to meet with me.

I too would break free.
I would stop texting or emailing.
If the person(it sounds like a grandchild to me but I may be wrong and it is none of my business anyway) really wants to get in touch he or she will.
My step grandson who lives abroad never contacts us but my DH ignores him too..
He says it doesn’t bother him and I accept that.

If it were a "friend", I'd have no problem n severing all contact and never bothering with them again - however, if it is a family member, I'd ask myself if there is any reason the person is like that (any argument, grievance etc). IF there was a reason for such unkind behaviour, I'd confront the person and hopefully resolve things. Otherwise, I'd limit the contact even further. Some people are just very selfish.

Sparkling - is this really a friend? Friends don't behave like this. You say you 'love' this person - is this because it is a child or close relative? If so then maybe you stick with it because there is clearly a problem. If it's a 'friend' I would call the 'friendship' a day. If it's a male friend who you would like to see more of because you 'love' him, not sure how that love has been sustained.

If the other person thinks you are questioning them police style (asking for too many details), I would stop doing what I am currently doing and let the person reroute the conversation as they would like.

I would also try to find out the new conditions and boundaries of the relationship as it looks like both parties are doing it out of obligation.

I would ask them how you can be a comfort in their life without feeling you are a waste of their valuable time. I don’t know what relationship this is relating to but if you allow yourself to be treated like this no wonder it has affected you. Whether a relation or not I think it is a behaviour lacking respect for you or themselves. Sorry this sounds harsh but you are a person too.

Sparkling, only you can know what to do next.
You clearly love this person deeply to be so anguished.
I would say please be kind to yourself first and foremost ?

If this is a relationship: find a partner who ruins your lipstick, not your mascara.
If it is a friend: it’s so one sided that it is not a friendship at all.
Think of your life as a beautiful garden and start weeding ? and you will blossom when you do not have anyone dragging you down .....

Why should you be grateful for a few crumbs from anyone.

If they can’t be bothered, why should you?

I'm with Daisy May. No 'cutting off' or anything like that. Just get on with life, be busy - then be happy and nice if you have any contact. Nothing more off putting that 'duty' contact.

What you do depends on who this person is, if it’s family I would hang in there, situations change, you have to know in your heart that you are trying your absolute best because if this person suddenly stops seeing you for their own reasons you will know that you couldn’t have done anymore to keep them in your life and they will know that you always cared. If it’s someone who isn’t family, who you wish to have a relationship with, then I would give up because this person obviously isn’t interested and it’s time for you to move on and find someone else, it may hurt a lot but these feeling do pass in time and you deserve to be happy in the future.

If you are talking of a boyfriend or lover, drop him and spare yourself pain later on.

If the person is a child or grandchild then that is rather different.

We could be of more help if we knew what the relationship is.

Why not try and turn the tables. 'Do as you would be done by' etc. and become less available. Wait for them to txt/phone you to make arrangements. That way, you'll know where you stand. Not sure who the person is but yes, friends, lover etc ditch them as this is very bad behaviour. - family - a little different.

There has to be a previous chapter to this story.
Maybe this " we will meet up for coffee once a month" was an arrangement between yourselves but now it has gone stale.
This person is holding the ace card. Dictating the day and time of the meet up knowing you'll agree because they know you love them and want to see them again.
There's no conversation as such so I can't see the point in a meet up. Wasted time which results in you being upset.
I would say goodbye. The tides may turn sometime but for now be kind to yourself.
I hope you'll come back to us Sparkling.

Thank you everyone. It's funny you know what you do really but it's just making that decision that changes everything.

Sparkling it sounds so sad. But where’s the joy in someone seeing you out of a sense of duty rather than a genuine wish to be with you? But sometimes you do have areal connection with a person even if when you are together they annoy you and you wonder why you’ve bothered. Perhaps next time you meet you could tell them how you feel - that you don’t want to lose the connection because they/their family still have a place in your heart, but that you feel it has become a meaningless duty for them in which case it might be best to leave it. Maybe you have a place in their heart too, but these meetings are all they can do, however painful it may be.

Yes, I’d say ‘bye, I’m off’ no time for people like that. Life is too short.

Cut free sparklimg

Sounds like my daughter. I had to end it to protect my own mental health. She lives too far away to be a monthly coffee. It was a two day visit, two or three times a year. I was stressed and depressed for two or three weeks after each one. Now we keep in touch by the occasional What’sApp message!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I think this is a child. You never stop loving your children but they do not have to love you.
I feel your pain Sparkling .