Galaxy
Poor poor child. I find people talking about children like this just so unpleasant.
There is another thread on here doing the same.
Poor kids
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Does my GD have Borderline Personality Disorder ?
(37 Posts)My wife and I have just finished a long (2 months) visit to our daughter and grandchildren. My daughter's daughter (10 years) is often sulky, and daydreams, is disobedient, cheeky, bossy, and hates her brother (7) somewhat and her father definitely. When she was younger, I thought she had ODD. She is very intelligent and wise far beyond her years.
Unfortunately, it's obvious her father doesn't like her, and seems to have given up on her. He is an OK guy, but old fashioned in his outlook and doesn't compromise. Not very loving. Spends a lot of time in his workshop/garage. Does his duty, but that's all. Doesn't play with the kids or cuddle them. While we were visiting, the kids would come to me rather than him for a quick cuddle.
I was in their house the other day and GD put out her tongue to him. There was little response from him, a slight threat which I am sure will never happen. She tells me there are frequent violent quarrels between her mother and father. These two "kinda" get on with one another, but apparently he has threatened to leave them all and my daughter wouldn't mind if he did. They haven't slept together for 2-3 years.
It's all got worse over the years. I hate to see it disintegrating because I had parents that rowed with one another, with crockery being thrown about. I am most concerned about my GD. My wife also is concerned about the sItuation, but she doesn't want to burden our daughter any more than she is already, and is a "hope for the best" type of person.
My daughter is "over good" with the two kids, spoils them in fact. He is a home Dad, very rich. Our daughter has a very high paying job, which leaves her exhausted at the end of every day.
Unfortunately, my wife and I live a 6 hour flight away from them, so we physically only get to see them once or twice a year. We occasionally Facetime.
What can we, or I, do to help ? I feel so helpless.
Yes I have noticed. I did wonder what was going on. Always female children too.
Galaxy
Yes I have noticed. I did wonder what was going on. Always female children too.
Well obviously.
Men and boys are perfect. Just ask them.
/sarcasm
It’s much easier to put down girls. So many more nasty words, as soon as we stop being “nice” and “sweet”
A personality disorder can develop over time when a child is not getting their needs met. Alot of you on here seem to be ignoring the fact that there is violence going on here and the child is witnessing it. That will disturb the child immensley...some have said as much as not to take tot much notice to what the child is saying??? Big mistake...you should be taking notice of what the child is saying and also be speaking to her Mother (your daughter) out of concern & safety of both the children and your daughters safety too. Your daughter may be too wrapped up with her job and see her job as an escape for what is going on at home...but what about the Children?? If your son in law is the one who works from home...he is the one who will be spending more time with the kids. I am afraid i would not want him around the children and if you have picked up that he does not like 10 year old that much...she will be feeling it!! I would speak to your daughter regardless for the sake of the Children as I would not be able to live with myself if something happened to them. It is then upto their Mother to address the situation and get the child some help and give her more support. The child is not acting up for nothing...she will be very mixed up and sometimes frightened. Your daughter owes it to her children to keep them safe both Mentally & Physically. If left ignored...yes, you will have 2 Grandchildren with long term problems in the future. Just to add...the other Grandchild may not be acting up but it will be affecting her internally.
Parents arguing is obviously going to disturb the children, if your daughter spoils the children their father will always be seen as the bad guy, so he stays out of the way. By spoiling the kids your daughter will regret that in the future, its probably going to get worse as the children get older. Far too soon to start thinking of personality problems.
It doesn’t sound like a marriage that’s going to last long, nothing you can do except pick up the pieces if it goes wrong.
Wise advice from Monica I think.
Comparing children is pointless, they have different personalities, different needs andcare individuals! In the situation as you describe most children would struggle, and struggling manifests in different ways! Imagine how insecure this little 10 year old must feel...however intelligent or "wise beyond her years" she is. She is still only 10.
But .. IF you ever have direct concerns about the physical safety of your granddaughter then you must act, the childs safety comes first; there is support available.
It sounds as though you’re in the US. In the UK no -mental health professional would diagnose a BPD or any personality disorder under age 18 (min)
This is a toxic environment for any child.
For goodness sake!!! Poor child living in that situation! It's not her that's the problem, it's her parents! She is way too young to be diagnosed with that psychiatric problem and seriously - if she is living in that situation - if this is a real post - social services should be involved. In fact this situation does not sound real. If it is then you sound as bad as them.
A lot of exaggeration on this topic, the parents disagree, nothing unusual there, involving social services is certainly not called for. The children are spoilt and obviously playing one off against the other, that might improve if they separated, wether their mother would be able to carry on with her career we don’t know. Their father does not sound much help, I guess he just stays out of the way and let’s them get on with it, if he is rich at least he will be able to pay child support.
BPD, would be the result of serious abuse as a child, where young adults have established abnormal personality traits and are unable to develop normal relationships.
BPD has a genetic component as research increasingly shows
It also would never be diagnosed in this country before age 18.
The OP is in the US and hasnt returned
This little girl is 10. The Parents don’t get on. Father ignores her, doesn’t like her. Mother too exhausted. Possibly brother is favoured child, she is acting up to get attention in the only way she knows. I feel sorry for this little girl.
As a grandparent, why not read her a story or help with homework over FaceTime? Give her something to look forward to. Once a week, in this situation, is not enough. She is desperate to feel she matters to somebody. If the parents are well off why not get an au pair or a nanny to help out?
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