My daughter was not invited on holidays.

But why does it change anything?
How close are they to the daughter?

If the OP wants her daughter to have a holiday then organise one.

This all seems so enmeshed. She is an adult. It is expected to have a life independent of her.

It does change the dynamic of the holiday, but at the very least the daughter could have been invited. If she had to refuse for whatever reason, fair enough, but I would be hurt in the circumstances if my daughter was left out of something that included my partner's family.

I agree with the people who are saying that it's time for a serious discussion - not just about the holiday, but about the basis of the relationship. It worries me that you can see that there are issues with this and with the things you discussed in your last post, but you aren't able to discuss them with the woman you love.

there's more to this than meets the eye from OP.
see Paddyanne's point above.
don't put your head further in the noose, OP.

I can’t see why they would expect your daughter and two granddaughters to go, it changes the dynamic of adult holiday.

Yes, I remember too, didn’t at first. It seems OP and partner are not on the same page and have a lot to discuss.

I too remember some of your back story and it was very much that you were feeling it was not an equal partnership and I think this is just an addition I think you really need to sit down and have a long hard talk with your partner because you have had other things making you uneasy about the relationship before

Is everyone paying for themselves?

Yes. It's in the OP.

I was about to say the same thing.

Obviously we only get a small part of any story on here, but from what we already know, the dynamics of this relationship appear to be very skewed in favour of your partner and her family at the expense of yours.

Is everyone paying for themselves?

paddyann54

Is this the same partner who wants you to split your money between her children and your daughter evenly? Although you haven't been together long and wanted you to stop helping your daughter and gc with housing? I really think this partner wants rid of YOUR family in favour of her own and this "holiday" is a step on the way .

A very interesting point. I too remember OP posting about this.

Can someone at home mind the 4 year old and just the 25 year old go ? A lot of people don’t particularly like holidays with young children around because they need looking after and you can’t just relax.

I agree with Bibbity and FarNorth

Are you invited by the host or you are a hostess of the vacation?

I think that asking puts them in an awkward position to be honest.
Saying "no" isn't easy.

It might make for a less happy trip if they accept them along with a bit of a grudge?

Maybe they want a smaller group? Maybe they don't want to deal with children on the holiday? Maybe they see it as giving you a break? Maybe they just want time with you undistracted?

I don't think they've done anything wrong. You could ask if you could invite your daughter along but be prepared for a no.

trisher

GagaJo

I think it probably is the presence of the 4 year old. I adore my DGS who is about that age, and would love a holiday with him. But I know realistically it's my rose-tinted granny spectacles that make it appealing. For most people, he's hard work.

GagaJo I'd rather go on holiday with 1x 4year old than 4x18-20s. I can't keep up with the clubbing and drinking!

I don't mind mixed age group holidays as long as everyone can do their own thing!

I have seen 4 year olds up in the evenings out with adults having a meal and not put to bed at 7 pm as they might be at home. In fact, they might have been my own DC and DGC. Am I an irresponsible mother/grandmother?
I wouldn't want to go clubbing and would probably be back at an apartment or hotel by about 10 pm anyway.
A buggy is always useful on holiday even for a 4 year old.

You could ask but I probably wouldn't as perhaps all the others might not anticipate have a 4 year old tagging along too. It depends how well they all know each other as well.

GagaJo

I think it probably is the presence of the 4 year old. I adore my DGS who is about that age, and would love a holiday with him. But I know realistically it's my rose-tinted granny spectacles that make it appealing. For most people, he's hard work.

GagaJo I'd rather go on holiday with 1x 4year old than 4x18-20s. I can't keep up with the clubbing and drinking!

I think it probably is the presence of the 4 year old. I adore my DGS who is about that age, and would love a holiday with him. But I know realistically it's my rose-tinted granny spectacles that make it appealing. For most people, he's hard work.

It’s a holiday there are no set rules who should go the more the merrier. I would like my side of the family to be given the choice to go at least. If they weren’t I would be inclined not to go but that’s just me.

I see this as their family with you as the partner of "one of their own".

I would NOT expect my adult daughter and child to be invited and further wouldn't even discuss it with anyone.

I think the idea of inviting my own family on holiday and then having to ask my brother's partner's daughter and granddaughter too, quite odd!

Surely if you want to treat your daughter and granddaughter to a holiday it doesn't have to be with someone else's family?

Is this the same partner who wants you to split your money between her children and your daughter evenly? Although you haven't been together long and wanted you to stop helping your daughter and gc with housing? I really think this partner wants rid of YOUR family in favour of her own and this "holiday" is a step on the way .

I would not consider it necessary for my 25 year old daughter and child to be invited on a holiday someone else had organised and would imagine she is regarded as an independent entity, even though you share the home for half the week. A young child would certainly change the dynamic of the group.
Discuss it with your partner, but don't apply pressure.

Looking at the age of the others, I dont think it is unfair, If I wanted a relaxing holiday I would not want a 4 year old with me, they have different needs.
Pay to take them away another time and do something age appropriate for the 4 year old.

Just talk to your partner and ask?

I would certainly talk to your partner about inviting your DD & DGD as stated up thread it could be an adults only hotel and you can always go away with your DD at a later date.
Would you enjoy the holiday staying in every night babysitting as you could not expect any of the other grownup's to childmind could you.

You obviously feel your daughter and granddaughter will be missing out so I think you have to talk to your partner about it. I'd talk to your daughter as well and ask if she would want to go. I wouldn't think a 4 year old would be out of place on any holiday in Greece. Although 18 may be adult the sort of holidays 18 year olds do compared with older people is sometimes very different. If you can put up with them why shouldn't the others put up with your granddaughter?
If you can afford two holidays your daughter might prefer to go with just you. If you can't I'd be thinking very hard about if you want to go with this family group and leave her behind or if you would spend the holiday wishing she was with you.

perhaps they thought it would do you good to get away and do your own thing. But is is up to you to suggest you'd like to involve them and pay for them, and see what happens.