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A man who never sees his children

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FordAnglia Thu 18-Aug-22 20:16:02

My daughter is in a relationship with a man who has two teenage children. They live with their mum. My daughter has been with him for coming up to a year now and in that time her partner has not seen his children and she has not met them even though they live only about an hour's drive. He never gets a fathers day card or birthday card. No texts or messages that she knows of. He says it is their mum who is jealous of him having new relationships and they won't see him for upsetting her. I find it odd that although he doesn't have any contact with his ex he has a very good and close relationship with his exes mum. He and my daughter sometimes go out with her and her husband. They are quite friendly. His exes mother has nothing good to say about her daughter. It seems that she sided with my daughter's partner when they seperated. There is something about it that doesn't sit well with me. I don't think a 17 and 18 year old would not see their dad just because their mother didn't like it and I find it odd that her own mother is warm to my daughter and her partner and bad mouths her own daughter. Would be thankful for the opinions of others please.

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Oopsadaisy1 Thu 18-Aug-22 21:19:52

I was in a similar position with one of my daughters, at the end of the day it wasn’t any of my business.

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Hithere Thu 18-Aug-22 21:59:50

A father fights for his kids, doesnt use the mother of the kids as an excuse

If your daughter chooses to have kids with him - the writing is in the wall

However, not your circus, not your monkeys

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MissAdventure Thu 18-Aug-22 22:02:30

I wouldn't pursue a relationship with someone who didn't see their offspring, particularly if it was all "someone else's" fault.

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Glorianny Thu 18-Aug-22 22:05:49

You don't know enough to judge and you aren't involved with him. If your daughter is happy then that's fine. If she has problems with his attitude that's up to her as well. All you can do is listen when she wants to talk and love her.

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Madgran77 Fri 19-Aug-22 11:40:51

Can't judge as no proper picture of everyone's perspective!

But if her mum(teenagers maternal grandmother) is regularly seeing their father and possibly making remarks etc I can definitely see how two older teenagers might take their mothers "side, whether what they "know" is true or fair. I would be uncomfortable trusting someone who criticises her own daughter to her Ex too...! Why do that? Not helping anyone

Either way, I think you have to leave them all to it! And be there if YOUR daughter needs you!

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Elizabeth27 Fri 19-Aug-22 12:29:24

The daughters are obviously siding with their mother, I do not find it strange that they would do that. When they have grown up a bit and have some distance from their mother things may be different.

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NotSpaghetti Fri 19-Aug-22 12:53:30

Is the maternal grandmother seeing her grandchildren?

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Knittingnovice Sun 21-Aug-22 07:27:46

Sadly lots of women use their children in divorce. Shocking and I wish more could be done about it.

Perhaps he is friendly with his exes Mum as this is the only way he has influence? He's hoping he may get news, hoping his exes Mum may put pressure on her daughter, etc.

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NotSpaghetti Sun 21-Aug-22 08:26:39

Sadly lots of women use their children in divorce. Shocking and I wish more could be done about it.

Sadly, so do lots of men.

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Smileless2012 Tue 23-Aug-22 11:09:44

As your D's partner's mother has "nothing good to say about her daughter" it does look as if the reason he's given for not having contact with his daughters is true FordAnglia.

They may be 17 and 18 but as they live with their mum, if them having contact with their dad would cause tension at home they maybe going along with it to keep the peace.

If your D is happy with this man, I wouldn't worry about it TBH.

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PoppyBlue Tue 23-Aug-22 22:16:55

I think its weird that his children are 17 and 18 yet still blames their mom. Wheres he been?

It would give me the jeebz but if she's happy. Not much you can do!

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