Holidaying with friends

"Three friends have invited me to join them this summer. On a previous trip, the person I was with seemed to have very different ideas about what makes a good holiday and our friendship has never recovered. I am nervous after this experience - I don't want to risk it going wrong again."

Those of us who've been holidaying with friends in the past will know that it could well go either way: you end up having the best time ever, as well as polishing off more bottles of red than you'd find in a winery, or you could endure the holiday from hell. If you're about to embark on your first trip with a close pal (or group of pals), it's wise to be prepared. Here are some tips from our very own gransnetters on how to travel with friends successfully, avoid any unnecessary quibbles and, most importantly, keep those friends, well, friends. 

Talk the trip over beforehand

First and foremost, it's vital that you choose the right holiday for you, whether it's a week-long break in the Lake District or a cruise around the Caribbean. Plan a trip that works best for everyone and be sure to ask those all-important questions, which include (but are not limited to):

• What type of holiday do we want to go on?
• Do we want self-catering or all-inclusive?
• We will be sharing rooms?
• How much should the trip cost?
• Do we want a kitty for expenses, including excursions and meals?
• Will we be dining together at all times? 
• Do we need some alone time occasionally?
• Are we early or late risers?
• Do we all like walking? 

The more questions you ask, the better. This will help you to avoid any surprises when you're finally off on your travels. 

Gransnetters say:

"I'd explain to your friends that you have some concerns and tell them about your previous experience. They may well be thankful that you've bought it up if they have concerns of their own, but were afraid to mention them."

"Maybe a nice coffee morning for everyone with all aspects discussed."

"Try and find out what their expectations are and let them know what yours are before you decide whether this trip is for you."

"Why not openly ask them how they manage things? Then you can decide if you will fit on or not."

Test the waters

If you're still debating whether or not a holiday with friends is for you, head on a day or weekend trip first. That way you'll be able to see how well you gel together outside of your comfort zones and how well you make decisions as a pair or as a group. If petty squabbles occur over minor matters, then you'll get an idea of what this may be like on a bigger scale. 

Gransnetters say:

"Go out for a day to test it out in reality."

Set some ground rules before you go

Communication is key, as they say. Have a good idea of what you want from the trip and lay the foundations so that you all know what to expect. Setting ground rules allows you to find out what the expectations of your travel mates are and enables you to draw the line if necessary. 

Gransnetters say:

"With ground rules set, a holiday with friends is lovely. We holiday with friends on cruises, which gives us enough space and activities for even the most quibbly person."

"Set some ground rules before you set off to avoid conflict."

Share things equally

Strike a balance, split costs fairly and share out those organisational tasks to ensure that things run as smoothly as possible. Avoid arguments by planning everything in advance, but split booking duties equally so that no one in your group feels any unnecessary pressure.

Gransnetters say:

"I go away with a group of friends every year, normally just for five days in the UK. There are eight of us in total and we book a large cottage or house. We had a get together and discussed everything from room sharing to costs to food (we go self-catering) and planned menus that were agreeable to everyone."

"We often go away with friends and we always, always, always have a kitty! Of course, I suppose there are some that would take advantage of that and choose wildly expensive drinks, but if any one wants to go madly off-piste they pay the extra. It's a good idea to sort all this out before you embark on the holiday."

"Meal bills are best sorted by a 'pay for what you have' not 'split down the middle' rule. Make this clear before you go. Our only discomfort came from assuming that we were paying for what we had and ordered slightly more than our friends (in particular, my husband had a bottle of red wine as an extra) and they insisted on a 50/50 split, but sulked. They had ordered less because they had had a massive lunch which wasn't our responsibilty!" 

Choose like-minded friends to travel with

Travelling with others who share the same interests and have the same expectations is vital to a successful trip, but be open-minded and compromise wherever possible.

Gransnetters say:

"Compromises have to be made, but you won't really enjoy it fully unless you go with people who are like-minded."

"We always have a fab time on holiday and go swimming and for walks, etc. If anyone wants to stay put that's fine - no pressure, no falling out. In May, we are off on our eighth holiday - same eight 'girls'. One thing we do a lot of is laugh. We have become very close even though when we first went we didn't know everyone in the group very well."

"We take it in turns to organise the hotel or cottage. We take breakfast stuff but otherwise eat out. The others are virtually teetotal so I take a bottle of wine and might have a drink after we get back from a meal out. As you get older, I think it's harder to compromise and people can start to irritate you if you go for too long, but I've known the first group for 47 years, the second for 35."

Couples or no couples?

Discounting the beauty of even numbers (they always make life that tiny bit easier, don't they?), it's a bit of a toss-up when it comes to couples, according to our gransnetters. Some prefer to go away with friends alone, but others argue that travelling as part of a couple is ideal, especially for those times when you want to split from the group for a few hours. All in all, whether it's yay or nay to travelling as a couple, be sure to stick to a small group...and those even numbers.

Gransnetters say:

"My husband and I have successfully holidayed with friends many times. We always have times where we do our own thing and often meet up with our friends in the evening for a nice meal together. Different experiences in the day made for topics to talk about." 

"The dynamic is better with four people because we tend to pair up, say two go shopping, two go to the beach, two want a big dinner, two a quick lunch. Makes it easier with sharing rooms as well."

Avoid 'contentious' topics of conversation

Especially those that have the possibility of resulting in handbags at dawn. Choose neutral topics that everyone can get involved with and try not to bang on about your grandchildren too much as it could spark a bit of unhealthy competition, no matter how much of a proud gran you are.

Gransnetters say:

"We do try and avoid going on about our children or grandchildren."

Have separate bedrooms

Those of us who've slept in close proximity to a loud snorer will know that it will most certainly end in frustration and days spent hugging countless cups of coffee. Separate bedrooms could well be your 'get out of jail free' card, especially if you're in an Airbnb apartment or a budget hotel.

Gransnetters say: 

"If you do go with friends, single rooms are a good idea."

"She didn't want to pay for her own room so we shared. I didn't know that she snored - it was so loud that even the man in the next room complained!"

Spend some time alone 

If you're in a couple, fancy doing a spot of solo sightseeing (or sunbathing) or want to separate from your travel companions to see something that the rest of the group don't, take some time out and go it alone, even if it's just for an hour or two. That way you won't compromise on what you want to do and you'll also being able to reflect on the trip as a whole. 

Gransnetters say:

"We have plenty of time doing our own thing, but always meeting up for coffee and dinner."

"Generally, we all do things together as we mainly go on city breaks and all enjoy sightseeing. Sometimes, my husband and I will do our own thing, or my friend and I will go to the shops leaving the men to do whatever interests them."

Look at the positives

Above all else, be positive about the experience and have fun! As one gransnetters says, "It gives you a chance to go on holiday - and it's sure to be a real laugh!"

Other things you might like:

Multi-generational holidays

Travelling solo over 50

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